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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Etiquette for sex

57 replies

BedtimeBubble · 03/12/2016 14:40

This morning dd was not in our bed when we woke up, which is a rare occurrence. Half way through foreplay we hear her get up and she climbs in and goes back to sleep. We decamp to her room (where there is a spare bed) but she wakes again five minutes later. I laid with her for twenty minutes but it's now 7am so I know she's unlikely to get back to sleep. We gave her the tablet and she watched Mickey Mouse, we pulled both doors too and finished what we started. I think she was watching it for ten minutes and was none the wiser when we returned. FYI she's always been transfixed by TV and tablets so usually only watches things one the 2 or 3 times a week.

Is this acceptable? Dd is three years old. We normally wait until she is in bed asleep or napping, but tmi I've just finished my period and we are away with my parents for the next few nights so once we'd started we didn't want to wait. I've name changed by the way as don't want this linked to my normal user name in case it turns out that I am unreasonable.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 03/12/2016 16:20

"Good god, surely this is what tablets are invented for?"

I think you should ask that at a tech event. Maybe they'll say yes

Minivaperviper · 03/12/2016 17:24

Perfectly fine to do this, don't sweat op as soon as you hear them coming you stop simple as that.

She has no awareness of what you might be doing.

AnyFucker · 03/12/2016 17:27

Perfectly fine.

Tarla · 03/12/2016 17:29

This is a Sunday morning staple in the Tarla household! DC settled downstairs with the TV while DH and I "tidy up" upstairs.

Sneakynamechage · 03/12/2016 17:35

I can't answer as a parent of a toddler yet as their still a baby. But when I watch my neices and nephews, If they don't see you after 5 minutes they start hunting me down. And I can be doing washing/drying/cooking. I have often remarked too my sister how she has managed to find the time to have 4 DC and pregnant with her 5th when the children don't give anybody a moments peace.
Her response was " you get creative "

PotteringAlong · 03/12/2016 17:41

Is this not what everyone does with young children on a weekend morning?!

SquedgieBeckenheim · 03/12/2016 17:44

If this would work with my DD, we'd do it. Sadly it doesn't, so we have to wait till she's asleep! No morning fun time for us...

user1480182169 · 03/12/2016 17:58

I thought I couldn't be surprised any more by what odd, work out for yourself, questions people will ask MN, but hey, I was wrong.

PeppaIsMyHero · 03/12/2016 18:04

I've been known to pack DS off with an iPad, ask MIL (who lives with us) if she wouldn't mind popping out to pick up some bread, deploy DSDs to some pocket money-earning task like cleaning the car and then giving DH the eye and tapping my watch to let him know we have about 4.5 minutes before one of them 'needs' us.

A rare occurrence, but one requiring significant logistical expertise (that I wish I could add to my CV).

peppatax · 03/12/2016 18:12

4.5 mins

Nothing wrong with this at all. Just have to make sensible choices - location, position, etc.

JenBehavingBadly · 03/12/2016 18:21

Pfft - in our day we had to make do with a DVD playing on the laptop to entertain the DC while we had a shag.

New fangled tablets these days.

If they'd have been around we'd have been at it like rabbits, I tell you, rabbits.

Tarla · 03/12/2016 18:49

The ipad is probably complicit in terms conceptions of DCs three and four TBH.

Tarla · 03/12/2016 18:49

*the conceptions

MrsHathaway · 03/12/2016 19:03

When I read this first I thought you'd had sex in her bed which would be nasty. Now I understand you only had sex in her room.

Quite frankly I wouldn't have been able to sustain my libido in my child's bedroom, but in the abstract I don't have a problem with it.

We don't have sex with the DC awake because they barge in every two minutes. Fortunately they're decent sleepers now.

When we coslept we only ever did so from the first waking. Once the baby is about 12 weeks old that generally meant 10 pm or later so an "early night" could be achieved.

TataEs · 03/12/2016 19:21

i'm very impressed you have managed to get your child to leave you in peace for 10soild minutes in order to have sex... mine follow me everywhere...

Wibblewobble100 · 03/12/2016 19:58

I don't think YABU but Personally I wouldn't do this. When I was about 10 I overheard my parents by accident. It completely scarred me and for a long time I couldn't sleep. No idea why, but even as an adult if I think there is a couple in the house who might be at it I can't sleep without earplugs or music on and it's an anxious night. We only DTD when certain DS is asleep. It's my intention that as long as my kids live at home the won't see any evidence that I have a sexual relationship with DH.

Masketti · 03/12/2016 20:13

No evidence of a sexual relationship? Does that mean no kissing and cuddling in front of them because that's definitely in our foreplay! Not of course that we go on to do anything but we are affectionate with each other.

Wibblewobble100 · 03/12/2016 20:20

Depends Masketti, on the type of kiss and cuddle. I kiss and cuddle DS and that's not sexual. That kind of affection, hand holding etc I have no issue with, but a passionate kiss with for example wandering hands, no I wouldn't in front of kids.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 03/12/2016 20:32

It's really sad that hearing your parents making love scarred you, Wibble. In my case it had the opposite effect. Hearing my parents gasping and calling each other's names made me feel safe and happy that they clearly loved each other, despite being (in my eyes) decrepit and ancient. So it's not necessarily a bad thing. A friend of mine used to make love with her toddler in the bed. He slept very deeply and they were very slow and gentle in their movements. He never stirred and this went on for years.

YANB even faintly U, OP. Finding time for each other with little kids is tricky. You came up with a good solution. Go for it!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 03/12/2016 20:39

Posted too soon. Wanted to add that I think knowing your parents have a loving sexual relationship is a good thing. We learn by example and while I wouldn't recommend heavy petting in front of your DC, I think them knowing that their parents are close and warm is a healthy lesson for their own future partnerships. You don't want them to think you're like brother and sister.

MrsKoala · 03/12/2016 20:41

Depends on the child. We wouldn't do it because there is no way any of ours wouldn't be finding us within 30 seconds. We rarely even do it when they are asleep as they still come and find us!

ludog · 03/12/2016 21:06

God when mine were that age "I'll go downstairs and switch on Barney" counted as foreplay in.our house.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/12/2016 21:11

Morning sex is my idea of hell.

But if other people like it then crack on!

Happymumof3tobe · 03/12/2016 21:16

My God what's wrong with people! There's no reason to feel guilty for wanting to have sex. What do you think people did years ago when the whole family lived In one room.... the population didn't suddenly drop! Nothing wrong with the ipad for 10 minutes. And most people who say their tots haven't caught them at it at some point are probably lying. At 3 years old thy just think you are playing a game. So you simply stop and say mummy and daddy are sharing a special hug.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 03/12/2016 21:31

Definitely not BU

Never done it myself - could probably disappear for an hour with the youngest watching Ben & Holly. The eldest would be a problem though.

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