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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed now?

42 replies

BirdyLady · 03/12/2016 07:36

It was my DP's birthday on Thursday, and in advance we'd planned (and he secretly expected) me to plan something at the weekend. So in anticipation for today I asked the kid's grandmother to look after them, had booked DP a massage, and had planned a day out including lunch for us afterwards.

Last night however, he went out with his friends and although he said he'd be back at a reasonable time, came home drunk at 3:30am, knowing full well that the kids are up by 7, and he would be too out of it to do anything. Is it wrong not to bother now?

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 03/12/2016 07:38

Yes, it's his birthday! Why should he have a curfew? Surely his massage isn't at 7am?

Sirzy · 03/12/2016 07:38

What time do you need to go on your planned day out?

StealthPolarBear · 03/12/2016 07:39

If the kids are at grandmas what does it matter what time they wake up?

Original poster
BirdyLady · 03/12/2016 07:47

They're not there yet, I had planned for us to drop them over there this morning. They're awake now, so after faffing around in the darkness, he's had about 2 hours sleep - if that. It wasn't a curfew as such, but he wanted me to plan something! So agreed to be back at a reasonable time. I didn't order him too, but I booked some things he won't be able to go to now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BirdyLady · 03/12/2016 07:49

Sirzy - He needs to leave by 10am at the latest, not much chance of that now.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/12/2016 07:53

So you drop the kids off, set him an alarm for 9.30 and then leave at 10.

Not getting the issue here!

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 03/12/2016 07:55

Yeah to be fair, you're assuming he won't get up in time before it's actually happened.

SVJAA · 03/12/2016 07:56

If you need to leave at 10, he'll have had at least 4 hours sleep by then, I don't see what the problem is?

Original poster
BirdyLady · 03/12/2016 07:58

The issue is that he is no doubt too drunk to drive, and can't keep his eyes open. He is not going to get there on time, or at all.

Or perhaps you are being deliberately obtuse?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/12/2016 07:59

Can you not drive him there?

You seem to want to be angry with him for enjoying his birthday how he wants.

Original poster
BirdyLady · 03/12/2016 07:59

We have 5 kids to get ready, including one newborn. He's not going to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, as they are all currently awake.

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 03/12/2016 07:59

Oh op I get it, he'll be tired, grumpy and hungover and you're nice day out will be chappies than it should otherwise have been

HermioneJeanGranger · 03/12/2016 07:59

Can't you drive him after you've dropped the kids off? Confused

HermioneJeanGranger · 03/12/2016 08:00

X-post.

Original poster
BirdyLady · 03/12/2016 08:01

I'm only annoyed because he asked me to plan something he's not going to be able to go to. Perhaps I am being unreasonable, I don't mind him going out. More questioning why I bothered really. I will go and fume silently now.

OP posts:
clare2307 · 03/12/2016 08:01

Why don't you just wake him at 9, ask him if he wants to get up & do things you have planned or stay in bed? If he chooses to stay in bed, enjoy a child free day doing whatever you want Grin

SVJAA · 03/12/2016 08:02

Does he go out a lot and come in at that time of the morning? If it's regular I can see why you're annoyed, if it's a couple of times a year I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

Wombatron · 03/12/2016 08:03

As someone who's DP has top form for this I do sympathise and I would be a bit hacked off if it's something he had asked you to to do. Most of the important events I can think of in the last few years he's managed to get himself sidetracked at the pub the night before. Important scan - he came with me reeking of booze having got in 4 hours before. Anniversary? Same. Romantic day out? I went by myself! Fucking nightmare he is. Doesn't do it normally, just saves it aaaaall up for these kinds of events.

If I were you I'd drop the kids off and take him out. If he's spoilt his own day that's his fault. Last year DP had to surrender his place at the rather posh and expensive birthday meal location of his choosing, because he couldn't stand GrinGrinGrinif he can't make the massage why don't you go instead?

It's his birthday, he is BU to have spoilt his own requested day fusses but don't be cross for too long Wine

HardcoreLadyType · 03/12/2016 08:05

Yes, this is annoying, and disrespectful.

He knows you have put an effort into planning something nice for him. It's a bit like if you gave him a present and he chucked it back and said "what a load of crap".

Okay, he might prefer going out and getting bladdered to having a massage and a nice lunch, but there are more polite ways of going about telling you.

If I were you, I would sort out the DC, and take them to their grandparents. If he is compos mentis by 9, have your day. If not, go and have the massage yourself (or they might be able to change it for a different treatment you will prefer).

Maybe get some food in for a nice dinner together, once he's recovered a bit.

madasa · 03/12/2016 08:09

I would be annoyed to. I would leave him to it and enjoy a day to myself. can you have the massage instead?

madasa · 03/12/2016 08:09

too

Mix56 · 03/12/2016 08:17

I would leave him in bed, deposit DCs & enjoy a massage, shopping day.

NoahVale · 03/12/2016 08:18

Wake him up op, Demand he enjoys the day

NoahVale · 03/12/2016 08:18

If he is suffering, he can suffer in silence

C4Envelope · 03/12/2016 08:19

OP i would be annoyed too, he could of gone out and had fun and still been home at a reasonable time. Its a tad inconsiderate to get himself in a state when he knew the effort and planning that had gone into arranging a nice day for you both. I can only imagine how didficult it would have been considering 5dc! Well done you, if your DP is not up for it then you go yourself! Have a lovely lunch and massage and relax. Just ignore the cool wives - they dont mind their DPs taking the piss then that's their prerogative! Just dont go mental at him, it is his birthday after all!

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