To be a bit annoyed now?

[BirdyLady]

It was my DP's birthday on Thursday, and in advance we'd planned (and he secretly expected) me to plan something at the weekend. So in anticipation for today I asked the kid's grandmother to look after them, had booked DP a massage, and had planned a day out including lunch for us afterwards.

Last night however, he went out with his friends and although he said he'd be back at a reasonable time, came home drunk at 3:30am, knowing full well that the kids are up by 7, and he would be too out of it to do anything. Is it wrong not to bother now?

I'd tell him what time he needs to be ready for. If he wasn't ready to go I would be going for that massage myself and then out for a nice lunch

It's not his birthday. It was his birthday on Thursday
YANBU to be annoyed. You put thought and planning into today and felt you had a firm arrangement which he has put the kibosh on. Leave him sleeping. Drop the DCs off, vent to your MIL or DM (if you have that sort of relationship) then calmly call him and discuss how he expects today to pan out.If he can't face the massage, have it yourself.

Leave him sleeping & take the kids off his hands?

Jeez, he's got it made, hasn't he?

Yes, do Whataplace says

Either way, try to have a nice day, with or without H

Commiserations OP. 5 children to care for, including newborn and you arranged a special day and he has let you down in a big way because he couldn't drag himself away from his mates. I'd be really annoyed ! I think you need the massage. Do as another poster has suggested and drop DC off and call him about when he'll be ready and you'll pick him up after you've had the massage he has missed out on. Or call him after you've had the massage -- you'll be feeling better then.
Good luck, he doesn't deserve you!

Totally agree. Give him a shake and ask if he is going to go get the massage or if he would rather fester in bed. If he's hung over and shattered leave him. Drop kids off and go take the massage yourself.

Can you drop the kids off as planned, leave DP in bed and you go for the massage?
That's what I would do!

Absolutely drop the kids off and go and have his massage.

I can TOTALLY see why you are annoyed!

Drop the kids off go for his massage and come back after for him, he will be starving by lunch time.

Another one saying drop the kids off, leave him in bed and go for his massage. He can hardly complain if he was too hungover and knackered to go himself and it would be a shame to waste it.

Then you can go for lunch together.

It's a bit annoying but I'd be inclined to cut him a bit of slack, unless this is regular behaviour for him?

Yes it's annoying but it was his birthday drinks, it's hard to leave when you're having a great time celebrating your birthday, I would let it go this time.

But he asked Op to plan something!

Sometimes you have to compromise!

And it's shitty to be getting pissed such that you're neither use nor ornament the next day-so that looking after the kids falls to the other parent.

I'd cut him slack because it's his birthday, if it was any other day I'd hand his arse to him on a plate.

Did he get up in time?

Just trying to figure out the logistics - did you need him up and driving to be able to take the kids between two cars?

I don't think yabu anyway tbh. 3.45am is excessive when you know there are special plans in place for the next day. Even stumbling through the door nicely marinated at 1am would have been a good compromise.

didl yy he did ask the OP to plan something and he's been disrespectful. I wasn't suggesting OP look after the DCs because he can't. I was suggesting OP take the DCs to the childcare she has already arranged because then she can have a nice day on her own. Why should the OP cancel all the plans because her DP is a selfish arse? She might still be able to salvage a nice day for herself.