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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toddler left alone in supermarket carpark

59 replies

elasticated17 · 03/12/2016 00:36

Something really odd just happened to me - pulled up next to car in supermarket carpark - saw the car next to me with the window down a little bit. There was a young boy with a dummy - between 2-3 years old left in the back of the car. The boy looked fine, not upset and the car was clean but AIBU to think that its completely irresponsible. The car was parked about 30 metres from the storefront and I stayed for a while to see if parents were perhaps just dropping the trolley off but they weren't. I reported to customer service and then when I got back to my car half hour later it was gone. I'm not usually one to get involved but it didn't sit well with me.

OP posts:

witsender · 03/12/2016 08:44

But obviously not in NZ in summer!

Amelie10 · 03/12/2016 08:55

I don't know why you told customer service

Err because maybe the parent was inside the store and it would have been quicker to get a hold of them this way

mathanxiety · 03/12/2016 09:05

Ohbehave - I am really shocked at your post and your attitude. Do you think leaving a child in a car is a character builder? Or evidence of a laudable no nonsense approach or common sense on the part of the parent?

Having a clear line of sight to your car will do absolutely nothing for your child if someone carjacks you, if your child has a sudden emergency, if the alarm goes off, if a nearby car fueling up catches fire, or if someone crashes into your car. All of those events have happened at filling stations within 15 minutes of where I live over the last 2.5 years.

There is nothing PFB or special snowflakey about taking your child's safety seriously. I agree with your post, SouthofMaui.

Where I live it is also illegal to leave your child in a car, because there have been many tragedies and the law serves as an educational tool as well as a means to punish those who are caught engaging in criminal stupidity. In all the cases where the emergency occurred and the children were in the car alone the parents were charged.

GravyAndShite · 03/12/2016 09:10

Today 08:55 Amelie10

I don't know why you told customer service

Err because maybe the parent was inside the store and it would have been quicker to get a hold of them this way


If they didn't <span class="italic">know</span> that they left their dc in the car then I think there are bigger issues to be addressed than this incident. <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Hmm" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/hmm-PR4o6B1t.png">

AwaywiththePixies27 · 03/12/2016 09:19

Bless all you people staying and waiting with unattended kids until their parents come back. You shouldn't have to though but understand why you do.

For future reference, If anyone needs it, police turn up very quickly to unattended children. We live in near a lake and on one of the hottest days of the year I was waiting for the bus when a fleet of police cars came screeching out of nowhere. There were two young boys on their own, wearing nothing. All it would have taken was one slip and one of them would have got into serious trouble.

I think that's what many pps are trying to make a point of, most people think it'll be okay but it only takes literally minutes for things to go wrong, whether in a stationary car or not.

I wonder if many parents who do this (UK) think it's okay because it's not hot here at the moment - we've had temperatures in the minuses this week which could easily be just as risky right?

witchofzog · 03/12/2016 09:29

A quick dash to pay for petrol yes. A supermarket shop, big resounding no.

Years ago in Tesco I went to fetch something we had forgotten andcwhrn I came back my big burly tattooed dp was stood with a baby strapped to him and a sobbing little girl next to him. This little girl could have been only 5 at the most and she had been given her baby Ds in a carry sling to look after on her own while her parents shopped inside. He was too heavy for her so she sought my dp out for help. All the burly tattooed men I know are lovely but I always told my ds if he was lost in or near a shop he should seek help from someone working there. Not a random burly tattooed guy .

Her parents came back 20 mins later, took their baby without a word of thanks or anything and started to tell their poor dd off for making a fuss. In 20 mins we could have taken BOTH their children

mathanxiety · 03/12/2016 09:37

If they didn't know that they left their dc in the car then I think there are bigger issues to be addressed than this incident.

The assumption is not that they didn't know their child was left out in the car. The assumption is that they would remedy the situation as soon as possible when found.

Oblomov16 · 03/12/2016 09:43

"Having a clear line of sight to your car will do absolutely nothing for your child if someone carjacks you, if your child has a sudden emergency, if the alarm goes off, if a nearby car fueling up catches fire, or if someone crashes into your car. All of those events have happened at filling stations within 15 minutes of where I live over the last 2.5 years."

Don't ever leave your child in a car, in case it catches fire, or combusts, or something else tragic happens.

Surely these are statistically rare? If you did a risk assessment, the risk would be low, surely?

I agree with a pp. these types of threads just encourage the terrible anxiety that is prevalent in today's parenting.

RaggyDoll1 · 03/12/2016 09:43

Its illegal here as well. Someone I know did it, she dashed out to get medicine for her baby. Someone reported her and when she left the supermarket she found a police car behind her. She now has ss "observing" her.

There is always the risk that someone will hit your car when you are out and about, its not worth the risk IMO

DoinItFine · 03/12/2016 09:44

I presumed from the title that they were alone in the carpark, not in a car.

So actually the OP was a bit of a relief because at least inside a car they weren't likely to be run over.

But no, not cool at all.

Recentlyish we left my then 3 year old in the car outside MIL's house. We just forgot to get her out.

She was very upset when I noticed she was "missing" and ran out to get her.

I can't imagine it's at all pleasant being trapped in a car alone with no idea how long for.

I feel sick now just remembering it. :(

Wifflewaffles · 03/12/2016 09:52

Also, what if something happens to the parent after they've left their child in the car? What if the parent is knocked down by a car walking across the car park, and taken off unconscious in an ambulance, and nobody realises that they have left a child in their car? Or the parent collapses in the shop, or is attacked or just anything could happen. It's just not sensible to leave small children in the car whilst the parent wanders off to the shops.

sixandoot · 03/12/2016 09:55

It's illegal to leave a child alone in a car in Australia. Times and ages vary per state so some allow for you to pay for fuel, some don't. Children have died in cars here with the heat. The cold would be no different.
Yeah, nah, it's really not 'illegal' in any state or territory of Australia to leave a child alone in a car.

mathanxiety · 03/12/2016 09:58

If it's a risk you can do something about, why would you take it?

If you're going to cut corners in one area you can easily talk yourself into cutting other corners. You decide to leave someone in the bathtub while you pop downstairs for a second. It can become a habit. You might get away with all of it. You might not.

Where I live, enough tragedies have happened to warrant a law against leaving a child in the car. The tragedies have primarily involved hot and cold extremes of temperature but being rear ended, carjacked and risk of fire are factors too. Carjacking is quite a high risk where I live.

Should news editors suppress items that might make parents nervous? Should they suppress news about rape or murder or prison breaks or cot deaths or baby equipment like unsafe cots that cause deaths?

You are supposed to be more nervous when you have a child than you may have been before you had a child. You are supposed to anticipate what might go wrong. You are responsible for a little person who does not have any capacity to make safety decisions for him or herself and depends on you to make the right decisions for him, which are not necessarily the most convenient ones for you..

Oblomov16 · 03/12/2016 10:04

Is this going to turn into a petrol/not leaving a child whilst paying for fuel thread? I thought that the recommendations were that a child was more safe IN a car than taking them OUT?

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 03/12/2016 10:08

I don't think personally I would have left a child in a car in the circumstances that I was going into the Supermarket. However, I don't think it's as serious as some make out. Cars are relatively secure spaces and I try not to judge other mothers too much until I know the full picture.

swooosh · 03/12/2016 10:09

I saw a baby about 6mo in a car seat and a child of about four climbing over into the front drivers seat in a car park once. The car alarm was going off. I reported it to the security guard but he didn't really give a shit.

MissDuke · 03/12/2016 10:19

I am raising three 'precious snowflakes' who don't let left in the car alone at all, aren't I a nightmare

GravyAndShite · 03/12/2016 10:43

If it's a risk you can do something about, why would you take it?

(Just to say again I would not leave a child in a car and go in to the supermarket.)

Your logic here is a little bit flawed.

Climbing frames - risk: fall and die, benefits: increased confidence strength knowledge of ability

Going to school - risk: undetected child abuser as a teacher, bullying
Benefits: education socialisation autonomy development

I was going to list loads but I'm not going to bother, you get my point.

Life is a constant mental risk assessment and everybody will come to different conclusions.

I believe it is either a call the authorities situation or keep your nose out situation.

Is it possible in some of these situations it's easier to judge other parents then look inwards on ourselves and address our own little flaws? (At least I didn't to that !)

kali110 · 03/12/2016 13:57

I would have called the police if i'd have been you, especially as you have said where you are!
That poor child.
Good for telling cs though, they may well do it for you!
There's a difference between leaving a child in the car paying for petrol and wondering around shopping
I just can't believe someone hAs done that in the temperatures you've described.

aussiechick01 · 03/12/2016 19:41

Oblomov16 - I was a firefighter and most of the car fires we attended were cars within 10mins of ignition and 10mins after stopping so I wouldn't leave my child in a car unattended.

brasty · 03/12/2016 20:11

When I was young, it was normal to leave babies in prams outside of shops.

5moreminutes · 03/12/2016 20:16

Taking your kids across a petrol station forecourt (especially if you have more than one toddler to wrangle) is far, far more dangerous than leaving them in the car if all you are doing is paying for petrol (not a weekly shop at one of those garages with large Spar shop/ M&S garage etc).

PrettySophisticated · 03/12/2016 20:26

I don't know.I wouldn't do it but mostly for fear of what others would think rather than any actual risk involved. Surely the most risky thing here (if it wasn't NZ in summer) is taking them out in the car in the first place? A few minutes sitting in a stationary car isn't really that risky. All the nightmare scenarios listed here are far less likely than a RTA on the way to the supermarket, or being knocked down if they're walking across a carpark.

CrazyCavalierLady · 04/12/2016 06:18

Add message | Report | Message poster sixandoot Sat 03-Dec-16 09:55:56
It's illegal to leave a child alone in a car in Australia. Times and ages vary per state so some allow for you to pay for fuel, some don't. Children have died in cars here with the heat. The cold would be no different.
Yeah, nah, it's really not 'illegal' in any state or territory of Australia to leave a child alone in a car.

It is. Penalties vary from fines to imprisonment. Qld is maximum 3 years. Wa, Nsw and Victoria also have laws regarding unattended children which cover homes and cars.

blueturtle6 · 04/12/2016 07:22

The number of times I've needed something from corner shop on way home, and not got it, purely because the choice is waking toddler to get them put of car or leave them whilst I pop in. Luckily I have a DH who pops to shop instead and also puts petrol in my car, its not worth the risk Imo.

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