About DH always taking my money! (Lighthearted, sortof)

[Cuttingthecheese]

He never, ever carries cash. I like to have some cash for bus fares, milk and bread ect.
He will go in my purse for change to pop to the shop, won't take the bit of change but will take the tenner then not put the change back! And doesn't tell me so I end up looking like a loony in the shop or on the bus.

AIBU to maybe kill him next time he does it?

Hide it somewhere, it's rude or just take his bank card

This would really piss me off

Mine's the same. I just get cashback when I nick his card so he can get it back. He never has cash on him. And yes you can kill him.

He then has the nerve to get all upity when I am on him demanding change back when he comes in from the shop sometimes. He is always apparently just about to do it.

Sometimes he doesn't even tell me he is going in my purse so I can't even try to pre-empt it.

Yanbu.

I used to do this to DH when we first lived together. We share all our money so it wasn't a case of him wanting paid back but it was annoying when he'd remembered to get cash and I raided it! He pointed out what a pita it was and I agreed he had a point and stopped doing it.

Often one of us will need a few quid for parking or whatever but we ask first and make sure the other one knows before we raid their stash.

I'm a bit about him going in your bag without asking first. DH always asks me and I am quite happy for him to go rootling about in the depths of my purse, as long as I know he's doing it.

You need to tell him to stop doing this and if he doesn't, then I would hide my purse from him and be having hard words about respect and boundaries. He's an adult, he can go to an ATM himself if he really needs cash. My DH works in the arse end of nowhere and the only cash machine is a dodgy garage one that charges you for taking your money out, so he quite often asks me to pick cash up for him. I don't mind doing that, but I would mind if he started helping himself to the contents of my purse without asking me.

You need a decoy purse! Start keeping less and less money in the decoy and have a secret stash of cash in a coat pocket or something. Just so he's caught short enough times to learn his lesson? If you've tried asking to no avail he needs to learn the consequences of not having change/notes to hand.
I'd be really, really annoyed about the going in the bag without asking but also expecting you to always have cash - and not even putting it back!!!!!

It's rude to go into your bag or purse. My DH would never go in my bag or purse without asking as I would not go into his wallet.

You should not have to hide the purse.

Tell him on a weekly basis to draw out "his cash" for the week and to keep it in his car or in his coat. It's not on. Hassle him so much that it's easier for him to change his bad habits rather than continue in this lazy and rude fashion.

If I were feeling evil I'd stick a fake purse in my bag and fill it with foreign currency.

I wouldn't be happy about him raiding your purse uninvited - it could leave you in a pickle if you think you have money that has been taken.

Can you stop leaving money in your purse and put it somewhere else, like a little pocket in your bag or jacket?

DH has never once in 13 year gone into my bag or purse. The DC have even be punished for going into my bag or purse.

I have never gone into his wallet either.

Imo he should ask.

Yes use original purse as decoy and get a new one which could pass as a small makeup bag. Keep it hidden.

He basicly needs to be caught short in his hour of need. So don't refill the fake purse,

My DH does this! Can't be bothered to go to the cash point, so uses my wallet as a cash machine

We have shared accounts, but I don't like a shared wallet!

No solution, yet, other than keeping a spare 20 in a jam jar under the fridge..,.

I'm rubbish at getting cash and like a PP used to rely on OH. Now we both, on payday, take out the cash we'll need for the month for household stuff and put it in the "cash drawer" (wallet in a cardboard box in a drawer). Then we don't need to raid each other for readies! Also good cos we both overestimate the amount of household cash we need & thus build up a bit of a savings cache (pun intended)

YANBU - that would drive me up the wall.

Fortunately DH doesn't do this. Equally, I'd never take money from DH's wallet without asking.

Although I do sometimes steal stamps from his wallet without asking (I tell him afterwards).

Buy a bus pass and stop carrying cash.

My DH always returned the trolley when we were shopping so he could keep my pound. I got him a trolley coin. Busted...

It's rude to go into your bag or purse. My DH would never go in my bag or purse without asking as I would not go into his wallet

It may be rude in your relationship. It wouldn't be in mine. Everyone has a rummage in mine including Ds' if they are after something ( a pen, notebook, charger, whatever) in my relationship it's not an issue. I really don't care.

My OH will never open my purse. He'll ask if he needs spends and bring me my purse never just help himself.

Hide your money somewhere he will never look. Underneath the spare Hoover bags is a good place.

Yes, move your money to a second place until he's forced to get his own. I recommend keeping a pointlessly small random amount, like 18p, in your usual purse so that he doesn't suspect and just thinks you have run very low on cash (which, thanks to him, you have).

I would hate this. It crosses a boundary which should never be crossed.

Nobody, just nobody, goes through my bag and purse without specific permission.

DH cannot go in my bag. Even with permission, he will bring it to me with a plaintive look. I think his DM and DSis trained him well!