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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send Xmas cards & donate to Syrian children appeal

54 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 02/12/2016 21:14

I'm really struggling with the images coming out of Aleppo at the moment particularly of kids and particularly at a time of year that tends to be about having lots of food and being with family.
Aibu to not give cards this year and donate the money to save the children Xmas Sad

OP posts:
IHaveACuntingPlan · 02/12/2016 21:17

Do what you want, it's your money.
I don't spend much on Christmas cards anyway, a couple of quid at the most, so I don't think it'd make much of a difference tbh (I did donate quite a lot of food to the local foodbank though so I'm not a total heartless cow).

WinnieTheW0rm · 02/12/2016 21:18

You can send or not send cards as suits you.

You can give to charity of your choice as suits you.

But linking the two Is pretty shabby, really. Virtue signalling always plays badly.

(sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick)

MatildaTheCat · 02/12/2016 21:18

YABU to ask here. Do what you like. I don't think you are unique in finding pictures of suffering children painful and upsetting. I like to send and receive a select number of Christmas cards from family and friends. It's a way of retaining some contact that isn't digital. Doing that is absolutely separate to me from making charitable donations ( other than the charity the cards themselves are sold for).

ZigAZigAhh · 02/12/2016 21:21

YANBU. At all.

I know it probably sounds incredibly heartless but I have been avoiding the news/Facebook/anywhere I might stumble across photos coming out of Aleppo. I just can't deal with it, which sounds utterly awful because who am I to say I can't deal with something which is happening far away from me whereas so many people are being forced to deal with it on a daily basis just due to living in the wrong place at the wrong time. I just can't stop imagining DS as one of those children and my heart splinters into a million pieces. It seems especially awful at this time of year when everyone is so focused on presents and food and family, things we all probably take too much for granted.

Thank you for the prompt to make a donation OP.

cardibach · 02/12/2016 21:23

I stopped sending Christmas cards about 5 years ago and started donating to charity instead. I chose anything particularly relevant at the time with an. Default of Plan's 'Because I'm a Girl' campaign.
Nobody seemed offended. I get fewer cards now, but that's all good as I don't really like them. Go for it.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 02/12/2016 21:30

YANBU OP.

Winnie, I really don't think OP is virtue signalling. How utterly cynical.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 02/12/2016 21:34

If you don't want to send Christmas cards then don't but unless you spend £££ on cards/postage etc TBH it wound make much diffrence.

How about giving up a Christmas present and asking your dp/parents/whoever to donate to save the children for you instead?

EatTheCake · 02/12/2016 21:36

Send cards/don't send cards the choice really is yours.

How much do you spend on cards? TBH I can't see if making barely any diffrence

formerbabe · 02/12/2016 21:37

I can't see the link between Christmas cards and the situation in Syria.

You could just as easily say

Wibu to stop buying wine and donate the money to charity?

Wibu to not buy myself a magazine this week and donate the money to charity?

Gillybean76 · 02/12/2016 21:41

I don't think YABU

If that's what you want to do, go for it. How you choose to spend your money is your business.

Original poster
Mummyyummy2012 · 02/12/2016 21:45

I had to google virtue signalling as I didn't know what it was Shock Err, it was a genuine question I was asking in my OP. Fuck people are cynical.

I was linking Syria with Christmas because of the fact that generally we are lucky to live in a peaceful country and that at this time of year, most people do have family and a lot of food etc (although I recognise it's not the case for everyone) so it's more stark and on my mind. And I actually spend a bloody fortune on stamps every year!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 02/12/2016 21:52

Yes but Christmas cards are something you send to people you know to let them know you are thinking of them and wishing them well.

Why not take the money you spend on more frivolous things to donate to charity?

Surely if you don't send Christmas cards you'll be telling the usual recipients why you've decided not to? I personally dislike declarations of charitable giving.

PointyJat · 02/12/2016 21:54

Yabu. If you don't want to send cards then fine, but I don't think Syria is a reason not to. You could eat soup for a week or any number of cost saving opportunities. I enjoy sending and receiving cards, if someone didn't bother on the premise of charity I'd assume it was just an excuse not to send cards.

IHaveACuntingPlan · 02/12/2016 21:58

Why do you need to ask for permission though? As has already been said, it's your money to spend as you wish. I personally would prefer to buy and send cards to people I actually know - those who I want to know I that I care about them and am thinking of them at Christmas.Why not send cards to your closest family and friends and then donate some to whichever charity you feel warrants it as well?

NataliaOsipova · 02/12/2016 21:59

But linking the two Is pretty shabby, really. Virtue signalling always plays badly

Agree with this (sorry, OP!). Just do both - they are unrelated. You have a certain amount of disposable income and you can do with that what you wish. I must admit to rolling my eyes a little whenever I hear the "donating instead of cards" thing...

Bigbiscuits · 02/12/2016 22:00

You know you could do both.

Send Xmas cards AND donate to charity l

NotStoppedAllDay · 02/12/2016 22:14

Is this really a true Aibu?

As others have said, do what you like with your money, when you like!!!

MyWineTime · 02/12/2016 22:24

So you are going to not spend some money on other people, in order to spend it on some different other people. You are not sacrificing anything at all.
If this cause is important to you - and I agree that it is tragic, then you should sacrifice something to donate.
If you want to not send cards, don't send them (I stopped sending them years ago) but don't link it with a charity donation.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 03/12/2016 07:48

I think YABU. Whenever someone says they're going to donate to charity instead of cards I inwardly roll my eyes and assume they're too lazy to write them.

AnguaResurgam · 03/12/2016 07:54

I think PP had the better idea - give up wine (or something else that gives you pleasure) and send that money.

Without telling anyone (so you cannot be accused of virtue signalling).

Christmas cards give pleasure to the recipients, not the the sender, so I think it's actually a bit mean to cut off everyone. And of course, unless you are virtue signalling, it's impossible to tell them why no card this year, making it doubly mean.

Ciutadella · 03/12/2016 07:58

I think cards do give some recipients a certain amount of pleasure, so would it make more sense for you to give up something else instead?

Eg ask a friend who usually gives you a present to donate instead? (Actually i don't think i exchange presents with any friends, but the request is a bit less 'loaded' if its made to a friend than if it's made to a relation. I do think it's tricky to ask relations for donations instead of presents at xmas - less so for a birthday or wedding!)

Ciutadella · 03/12/2016 08:00

Cross posted with angua and others. The giving up wine idea is much better than mine!

PoldarksBreeches · 03/12/2016 08:06

It's a good impulse but flawed because -
Christmas cards are a way to connect with people, especially those you don't see often. They are a valuable tradition.
Even including postage you can't be spending more than £20 at the absolute tops on cards, I spend closer to £10. So in the scheme of wasteful Christmas spending it's nothing.
Much better IMO to just donate to the cause and trim your budget accordingly; or don't, if you can afford the donation on top of whatever else you're spending for Christmas.

Hysterectical · 03/12/2016 08:10

I have lots of Syrian friends here in UAE. Some of them have lost every single member of their family in the last 2 years. I don't really think it matters if donating money is virtue signalling or nother. It's needed and it helps. Most of all, more than anything else my friends ask for toys. Teddy bears and cuddles. It makes me cry every time I think about it.

Ciutadella · 03/12/2016 08:12

Yes i think christmas cards are often seen as candidates for the hit list rather than, say, christmas pudding, because some people regard cards as pointless. I don't think i've ever seen anyone suggesting not having a christmas tree and donating, for instance. But In fact some people love getting them and they're a way of maintaining connections, however fleetingly (for those not on facebook, at least!). As pp says, a valuable tradition in some cases.

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