To have never left dd

[enchantmentandlove]

My lovely dd is 5 1/2 months old, and I've never left her (other than a few hour and a half driving lessons). Our family don't live close, so it's just dd, Dh and I.

I adore looking after her, but sometimes wish I could have a little time to myself - although at the same time feel anxious at the idea of not being with her. I feel like all my friends who have babies have left them by this age, and I've just been watching mum vloggers on YouTube who seem to have one afternoon/one day a week to themselves. I don't think I would personally want this, it's just an observation.

Once a week or so I do something leisurely at home by myself (crafting, baking, having a relaxing bubble bath etc) for about an hour while Dh watches her. Also every 10 days ish Dh gets up with her while I lay in. Dh is a devoted and amazing father, so it isn't that he won't spend time by himself with her, we just tend to spend his time off as a family. He also works a hard job with long hours, so I like him to have lots of time to re charge and relax.

Dd is also very clingy and likes to always be with me, especially when she's tired. At the sqme time, she has a fantastic bond with dh and I don't like to interfere when he's doing something. Dd is formula fed as well.

I was just wondering if this is normal? By what age should I be leaving her for a while? The thought of time away from her makes me feel guilty, and I worry if she needed me and I couldn't be with her.

I hope that made sense!

Thank you, yeah I think I forget about myself sometimes. Dh always says to me, "whenever you want time to yourself just ask", but I always feel bad to ask as it means he doesn't get time to himself. I do need to ask more, even 7 it's just time to myself at home.

Even if*

I think dh is hinting for you to go out, nicely and lovingly x

The primary motivation you mention is guilt and for that reason, I think you are being unreasonable. Guilt is a negative way to live your life. It is very clear that you very much enjoy the time with your daughter and love her very much but this does not and probably should not be the exclusive focus of all of your time. I am willing to bet you will be even happier and re-energised and appreciate your child even more if you carve out a little time for yourself. I think this idea of 100% motherhood all the time is a very new invention - I bet most of our mothers wouldn't have seen this as a huge landmark or defining moment. The internet creates huge pressures of the perfect mother who 'should' do XYZ.

I also think as others have said that your husband or other close people might themselves enjoy time as primary caregiver. If only to appreciate you more! But please, as your latest post suggests, do not start feeling guilty because you haven't done this to date. See above - no guilt!

Also, at this age, babies don't have as strong a response to change as will come a little later when real separation anxiety kicks in. Starting a little time alone (because it does sound like that is what you want apart from the guilt) will be a lot easier to introduce now.

This might sound harsh but I think it is somewhat irresponsible (in general - not saying OP you meet all of this) for a situation to arise where all baby care is solely the responsibility of one person (invariably the mother) if there are any other feasible options. The primary caregiver could be suddenly hospitalised or otherwise unavailable and then it all becomes an additional crisis if the new person in charge has no idea how to safely feed, bathe, put the baby to sleep safely etc. I completely understand some circumstances like single parents living far from support networks mean this isn't possible but where the baby's two parents or another responsible adult are on the scene, then it is good parenting and responsible planning to think over time about the 'what if' that hopefully won't need.

Thank you for your reply you are definitely right about the guilt thing, it should never be your motivation for doing something, which it has been in part for me (that and I would miss dd too much and worrying about her).

I think right now I will have more me time at home, as Dh is always encouraging me to. Then I will think about things I could do outside of the home, even if it's just a couple of hours as I wouldn't want more than that right now.