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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's tight as fuck

68 replies

Largemelons · 02/12/2016 21:05

To ask my dd to buy her own Christmas present as she gets an employee discount.
Saving max £4
They are not poor just very tight.
Dd their only grandchild.
Not elderly or infirm

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 02/12/2016 23:25

Seems sensible to me Confused

Or is there more to your relationship with them?

FinderofNeedles · 02/12/2016 23:31

Re employee discounts. I once offered to use mine to buy PILs something for their house. They were happy to accept. I was slightly amused that they expected me to drive them to the shop in my car at my cost - I didn't get a discount on petrol, so my staff discount cost me money in the end!!

Bogeyface · 02/12/2016 23:35

I dont think that YABU at all!

Staff discount is just that, for the staff to use for themselves. Its a perk of a usually shit paid job. For other people to use it for stuff for themselves is also fine, we use our quite generous discount in a high street store for other people as a favour.

But to expect her to use to buy her own gift is shit, and mega tight. To then have to hand it over and be all "WOW! Just what I wanted" on CD really takes the piss. I wouldnt want the gift tbh. Or if I was her I would tell them actually the discount has been discontinued because of abuse by family and friends of staff so it will now cost them the full price and trouser the difference.

Bogeyface · 02/12/2016 23:36

I cant help wondering if the YABU's on here are from people who dont work minimum wage in a shop job where the only perk going is a shite discount on over priced goods........

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 02/12/2016 23:38

How old is your dd? And did you really mind that she was asked to share her sweets at the cinema?

Bejazzled · 02/12/2016 23:41

It's mean-spirited imho

GravyAndShite · 02/12/2016 23:42

AIBU gives a spectrum of opinions from a spectrum of people. Just because they don't share your opinion doesn't mean that you can pic just because they don't share your opinion doesn't mean that you should pigeon hole them into a certain demographic. I don't see how 'I don't see that as unreasonable' translates to you knowing anything about person's job or financial situation. Hmm

flibflob · 02/12/2016 23:43

In principle I think YAB a bit U, but if they're that tight I would make sure your DD definitely gets her money back for the gift.

Bogeyface · 02/12/2016 23:44

"I cant help wondering if......" is because I cant help wondering, not because I have pigeonholed anyone. Its a musing, not a fact or an opinion Hmm

GravyAndShite · 02/12/2016 23:46

Thanks for the reply. I thought it was one of those posts were the person says 'I can't help wondering' but really they are implying that this is fact.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 02/12/2016 23:49

Pack it in you two!

TaraCarter · 02/12/2016 23:50

Seems a bit of a faff. I think they should give her a gift voucher for the amount they would have budgeted for her, and then sit back and take satisfaction in her getting staff discount when she uses her voucher and being able to get more out of their gift.

It's what I would do, as I am well tight.

MorrisZapp · 02/12/2016 23:50

Seems odd to me that your dd is old enough to work but wants 'surprise' makeup chosen by her grandparents.

I must admit I found it hard when my best friend worked in a department store. He was a manager and got 30% off. I struggled buying him stuff knowing he could buy it himself much cheaper. I had to try to find brands I knew he didn't stock.

GravyAndShite · 02/12/2016 23:51

Blush I was being sincere!

AuntMatilda · 02/12/2016 23:52

I tink It's alright to be honest. It's the same product. Nothing wrong with saving money where we can.

noeffingidea · 03/12/2016 00:03

What you think of as being 'tight' is what another person sees as being 'frugal' and careful with money, OP . Some people just don't see the point of spending more money than necessary, even if it is Christmas, and even if it's 'only' £4.
It's just a different way of doing things, and something you probably won't see eye to eye with.
Personally I don't think adults need to have surprises for Christmas . That's how you end up with a big pile of unwanted gifts that find their way to charity shops.

Bogeyface · 03/12/2016 00:23

Thats us told Gravy :o

Original poster
Largemelons · 03/12/2016 00:23

Ah back to the sharing sweets thing.
Of course I don't mind! She doesn't mind! It's the principle.
It's the fact that she was a kid (primary age), I was a single parent, she'd always want popcorn/whatever at the cinema if they took her so I'd give her a few quid because they wouldn't buy it for her then they'd eat half of it!
I just thought that was a bit cheeky.
Mixed bag. Maybe I just have a different view on money. We've been very poor but are currently ok so I like to spend money on things that don't necessarily need to be bought. My dd may be 18 but she's one of 5 and the youngest is only 5 so I still have quite a 'young child' approach to Christmas and I guess I treat her like the others to an extent!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 03/12/2016 00:25

I think that tara has the best idea.

Buy a voucher for what you would spend anyway, then if that person can get an extra 10% worth of stuff because of their discount then everyone wins.

But this seems tight because they are saying "Well we would spend X on you, but because you have a discount it will only cost us Y and you still get what you want!".

Bogeyface · 03/12/2016 00:28

It feels wrong, I think thats what it is for me. It feels tight and if it feels tight then it is tight!

And I am as tight (and poor!) as they come.

MitzyLeFrouf · 03/12/2016 00:29

It sounds like the latest frugal act after a lifetime of frugality. Frugal people can be boring to be around so I say YANBU

haveacupoftea · 03/12/2016 00:32

I don't see the problem.

BillSykesDog · 03/12/2016 00:37

They can't be that tight if they're buying her a £40 present. A lot of GPs don't give anything to adult grandchildren or very little. Can't your daughter just ask them to give her cash in future so she can sort it herself? They might stop giving altogether though.

I have to say though, having a child with someone too tight to buy you a drink or himself a coffee is a really silly mistake. We've all made them though haven't we? I'm hoping he looked like a cross between Brad Pitt and Errol Flynn and shagged like Roger Rabbit to make up for it.

Leanback · 03/12/2016 00:45

I currently work in a crappy minimum wage job where the only perk is a discount and I think YABU.

Like honestly it doesn't detract from my own personal discount use if someone buys me a gift and uses the discount. In fact I think it's a bit grabby to want someone to pay more than I would for a prezzie.

MrsBlennerhassett · 03/12/2016 01:07

YANBU i think its sad when people dont at least have a go at making presents a surprise. Perhaps if it was an acquaintance or distant relative or if as you suggested it was a very pricey and specific item that your DD wanted.... but just for a small gift i think people should at least be arsed to buy it themselves and wrap it etc...... if they arent arsed about christmas they could go down the route of gift vouchers. But i agree what is the point of getting someone to buy their own gift then wrapping it? Just put money in a card and be honest about only going thru the bare minimum of expected christmas behaviour lol!

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