...to ask if anyone else is adopted and when or how did you find out?

[RudolphTheRedNoseReindeer]

I was adopted a few days after I was born and I always knew I was, my parents were completely open and honest about it and answered any questions I had...but I know a lot of parents do hide it from their children and then they discover they're adopted as an adult which must be a terrible shock. I'm curious because I don't know any other adults who are adopted and I wondered if any of you wanted to find or found your birth parents and was it a happy ending or the worst thing you could've done?

I was adopted as a baby, don't remember being told just always knew so I suppose I was told very early on. Unfortunately it was a bad adoption (lots of abuse - don't ponder on this, I'm over it). I wasn't allowed to tell anyone or there were consequences. I got my adoption records from social work and in the end decided not to take it further. I think partly because I was scared of it all going wrong, it probably would have and I have kids so had to consider their feelings too and wanted to keep them safe. Adoptive parents died in my 20s. I'm open about my adoption now, kids know, close friends know etc, I don't broadcast it but if talking about it generally will mention it. I hold no bad feelings towards my biological mum she did what she had to do and there's nothing wrong with that. I love hearing about kids being adopted, I do believe there's something quite special about it, second chances and all that (mostly).

Are you thinking of looking into your adoption more? Are you curious to know more about your biological parents?

A 38 year old guy at work found out he was adopted from a secury clearance form he submitted. He got a call at his desk from the people processing his form:

On the form you put your adoptive pearents details, we also need your birth pearents details.

Umm what do you mean..... I am adopted?

I was adopted as a baby,straight from the maternity ward.
When i was 14 i got into a fight with someone,they said i was adopted,i asked mum,she said no and i left it at that.
A few times in my late teens i was asked if i was married,which i found odd (turns out my previous name showed up on the system), once for a passport,once for a dbs type check for a driving licence.
In 2013 my dad passed away and i stayed with my mum for a while to support her. One day I jokingly asked if i'm adopted or not,and she asked if i really wanted to know the truth. A very WTF moment.

I am and if I had known what I do now about my bio mother and father when I accessed my birth records I'd never have contacted her when I was 18. Blood isn't always thicker than water that's for sure! I am very glad I was adopted but now would rather have not known anything about them being honest...

Thank you all for your sharing with me. I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt finding out like that RebelRogue, same for your friend at work Happyoutlook.

HairyPaws I am the same, I don't start a conversation about being adopted but if adoption is brought into a conversation I have no problem saying that I am. My birth mother found me 5 years ago, she had been looking for me since I turned 18. She never had any more children but did marry a lovely man a few years after I was born and he knew all about me. I was always curious what she was like and who I looked like, but I never went about finding her because I had a good adoption and a lovely childhood.

One of the things that bugs me when people find out I'm adopted, they always ask do I know my real parents. I say every time, my real parents are the ones who nursed me through the night, scared the monsters away from under my bed, cuddled me when I cried and cried with happiness at my achievements. As I said, I have a wonderful relationship with my birth mum but my real parents are the ones who brought me up as their own.

Eggsontoast I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your birth parents. You're absolutely right about blood and water...blood isn't always thicker. It must have been hard to deal with at 18 as well, I'm not sure I would've been able to deal with it as well as you have at such a young age.

Does anyone know how to find contact details for adopted family? Where would a person searching start?

I did work with a man who was adopted and his adoptive parents kept it secret, it was probably the done thing in those days. He did say that when he found out he was devastated, not that he didn't love his adoptive parents etc. more that he felt that his life had been a lie.

My niece is adopted and the social work advise adoptive parents to tell them from a very young age that they are adopted. My s/bil do and also visit and show her pictures of her foster parents...she won't remember them as she was a baby under 1 but they have kept that relationship which I think is good. Her biological parents have a lots of problem and gave her up as soon as she was born so until much older she won't know them or understand...who knows what future is there but s/bil plan on being open with her.

I'm adopted as a baby, straight from the Maternity Hospital. I've always known I was adopted so I don't actually know when I was told the facts. I don't go around mentioning it, not because it's an issue to tell people, just that it never crosses my mind to really. As far as I'm concerned, my adoptive parents ARE my parents and I've never had any interest whatsoever in find out any information about or tracing my birth parents.

I was adopted at 16 months after going into care soon after my birth. I've always known of my adoption as my adoptive parents have always been open and honest with me.

Hi there, I am adopted and like you always knew. Yes I found my birth parents and it's been a very positive story. It's quite outing alongside my other posts (don't know how to name change) but please feel free to dm me if you want more info or advice. I'm really pleased to be what I gather is a fairly rare good news story all round on this subject

We found out after my grandparents died that my uncle was adopted. His sister(my mother) We're not sure if my other uncle or he knows. We only found out because my dm found the adoption papers after my grandparents died.

@Bagina- again feel free to dm me if you want help with this x

I was adopted at birth with my twin. We always knew, our parents were very open about it.
We knew the names of our birth parents, but had no real need to find them until after we both had our own families in our thirties.
We sent our details to a register ( a charity called Norcap organised it ) expressing our interest to be put it touch with any birth family members who had also registered.
Our birth mum had registered just a few months before, so Norcap helped to put us in touch.
It's been wonderful. We get on do well, phone and visit regularly. But she's not my mum, although I love her.
It worked out because everyone was open and honest about it, and wanted the same thing. If she hadn't been on the register, I wouldn't have taken it any further.

Oh and so agree with the "real parents" thing.

Apologies for the quick post, I haven't had a chance to read the most recent comments yet (my 6 year old is having a mad half hour) but I shall read and reply later this evening.

Bagina, I think it depends when the person was adopted. Pre-1975 it is slightly more difficult but the place to start 'officially' would be the adoption contact register. I'll add a couple of links below for you. You can also apply for your first birth certificate which will provide you with the name of the mother and hopefully the father as well. There is a lot of information online. Alternatively in a non official way and if the person has the birth mothers name and location of birth, you could try facebook, other social media or even Ancestry. I'll add a couple of links for you...

www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register

www.gov.uk/adoption-records/accessing-your-birth-records

www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/help-with-your-research/research-guides/adoptions/

I was adopted by my step dad and never knew I had another father until I was ten, and it was made very clear I was never to tell my half sister she was a half sister. I was told my dad had left me, that was that.

I traced him, aged 30, via a family tree website. We chat regularly, have met a few times ( He lives in Oz). I don't speak to my real mum that often. Mostly because she lied a fuck of a lot to explain away her affair and subsequent running off and denying access to my dad.

Why aren't people honest.

I have recently adopted 2 under 3 years old and it's lovely to hear your story. We are already very open in conversation around them that they are adopted and will continue to be.
I totally get the "real" parents thing and did have an interesting situation with a check out lady in Asda who asked age of my smallest, why is he so small (9 weeks prem) and then asked if it was a worrying birth to which I replied I don't know, I wasn't there and told her he was adopted. She then asked about his "real" parents and if we couldn't have any of "our own". I told her quite strongly that we are his real parents and he is our own. That soon shut her up from asking further questions!

Ive always known , but if my parents hadn't told me I would have found out anyway as it was a got topic id conversation between my mums friends (unbeknown to my mum) who told their kids who then took great delight in telling me how unwanted I was , they aren't my real parents etc.

Thank you for the information. It's my sister I'm looking for. 1968. I'll check out the links.

@vimto - am furious on your behalf!

My best friend at school found out when she was 17. She never forgave her parents and felt her life with a large extended family was a sham, they weren't her aunts, uncles, cousins as she'd been lead to believe.

Thanks hellin

I was adopted by my dad, but was never told about it until my alcoholic aunt let it slip at my flatwarming party when I moved out of my parents house when I was 19.

Took me until I was 30 to get any answers. 1 years of depression and confusion.

I met my biological dad, twice, and then he cut off all contact. I wasn't looking for a father figure, I already had one, the man who raised me from a baby, but I did want to know him.

The feeling of rejection was absolutely heartbreaking, I had to have counselling to help me get through it.

If anyone has a child who is adopted, or being raised by someone who isn't their biological parent, please do not leave it until adulthood to tell them, it will screw them up.