Housemate leaving stuff in kitchen

[MortificadoMarkTen]

Despite repeated (kind, directed at everyone) requests to not leave things around, the introduction of a cleaning rota and everyone ekse doing their share, one of my housemates continues to leave a small pile of their unwashed things in the kitchen every day. They start work at midday so have the chance to have a fairly leisurely morning yet never ever wash up after them themselves until either late that evening or the next day - at which point the cycle starts again

The rest of the kitchen is spotless btw.

Aibu to be annoyed? Or do I need to live and let live??

The rest of us put food back in our cupboards - they just leave theirs out where they last used it...

YANBU. Put the dirty stuff on their bed. That's if they carry on doing it, after you have a conversation about it bothering everyone.

Putting stuff on their bed is too aggressive. Have a word first. Tidyness is not at the top of everyone's mind.

It's selfish and thoughtless though

I agree with PP - one last chance, and only then, dump all their shit on their bed. Tis the only way with some folk.

When I was at uni and house-shared, I was in the midst of depression, and all of my energy and focus was on getting myself to uni. Even the most minor tasks like washing up, which seem normal to other people, can be incredibly difficult for someone with mental health problems.

I'm not diagnosing your roommate..it may just be laziness. But do you know that for sure? Don't judge them too harshly without being absolutely sure that there is nothing going on in their lives. Private demons and all that. Please don't put their stuff on their bed. My roommates did things like that to me and it was humiliating, painful and very upsetting.

some people have silly high cleaning expectations. they are obviously slightly laid back than you. putting stuff on people's beds is likely to cause a war

I would never put the stuff on her bed - she is a good friend. Also fwiw I am in anti-anxiety meds and have had depression so can relate; I am pretty sure she has neither currently but ofc you never know. She is perfectly capable of tidying when she wants to. How long does it take to put your spread back in the cupboard? Or wash the communal chopping board?

She is fine when other people (ie me!) do it for her

I'm really not a messy person. In fact I'm not laid back enough but this is ridiculous. Its not like it's piles and piles of stuff left around for days. I expect if it's just from breakfast it's either a bowl or a plate, a knife or a spoon and a cup. Get over it. Why should what you want trump what they want?

I don't know. I think, on balance, YABU. While it would annoy me too I think you need to let it go. They are not leaving dirty dishes around for weeks on end and they do get around to washing up every day.

I understand that it is a communal space but it is his home too and dumping stuff on the bed of an adult who does clean up after himself (albeit not fast enough for you) is not going to go down well.

*herself sorry.

I've posted this before....

Shared house, 5 people, all young professinals, 1 utter pratt who never washed a pot or a pan and never cleared his food from the fridge no matter how green it got.

We suffered it for months. Cleaned up around him, for him, through him.

Then I lost my temper and became a bit of a control frea, wouldn't let anyne else clean up his stuff... then, when it got ridiculous, I waited for him to go to bed and stacked it all up against his bedroom door, leaning on it. All the pans and dishes with the greay nasty water and food remnants still in, minging food, wet nastiness shoved in amongst it all.

I forbade the others to remove any of it. I was, apparently, scary!

We all got up early and waited.... the noise was deafening: the crash, the gloopy noise, him screaming, then swearing, then threatening...

I told him he was a total cunt and deserved every splash of green nasty crap... on his shoes, suit, shirt, briefcase, bedroom carpet, bed..... the others cheered. He sulked. But in the 2 months it took him to move he never left a single thing in the shared area again

First you need to have a direct conversation with her. No more of this general stuff.

Then if it continues buy a cheap washing up bowl and stick everything in it and put it in her room. Every time.

I think your mistake was "directing it at everyone". There is only one person who is being a pain so you need to talk directly to her.

Tell her calmly that everyone in the house is annoyed that she doesn't wash up and leaves her stuff out and she needs to start doing those things.

Until she is challenged, she will assume she can get away with it. HOpefully challenging her will shame her into behaving like an adult.

But that's not the case here, Blanche. The housemate does clear up every day according to the OP. She just doesn't do it immediately.

Hey! I'm not advocating it as a good methind for everyone... just as an option is you share a space with a total twat!

Not every day though... often the day after. I know I should let it go but it's annoying when it's communal pans that we all need.

Ffs don't make excuses for her. Everyone else manages to respect the shared space except this one person.

If she can wash up in the evening she can wash up late morning so she doesn't inconvenience anyone else.

It's just very basic manners and the most basic etiquette for house sharing.

If you want to live like a slob* that's fine but you don't impose your slobbishness on others.

*im at the slobbier end of the spectrum of slob -> anal neat freak.

If she's a good friend then you must like her, so she must have good qualities. Does it really matter if she's not as clean and tidy as you? Some people just aren't.

A total twat for not clearing her stuff at the exact time the OP would want? She cleans up every day, and in the words of OP there is a "small" pile.

My dp and I are pretty bad for doing the dishes and things can sit there for days without being washed. When I lived in shared accommodation I wasn't as bad, because I didn't like putting other people out, but some of my housemates would happily just leave items for over a week, or until someone else washed up for them.

The OP's housemate doesn't sound that bad to me at all. Clearly people have different standards, which is fine, but in a shared house there usually needs to be a compromise and she usually does them the same day. Living with other people is difficult, but I think ultimately the OP is being a bit unreasonable.

In the past though she has left things for days and days. Empty takeaway counters are also left too until I chuck them

When I was at uni and house-shared, I was in the midst of depression, and all of my energy and focus was on getting myself to uni. Even the most minor tasks like washing up, which seem normal to other people, can be incredibly difficult for someone with mental health problems.

Mental Heath problems don't give you the excuse to behave inconsideratly to housemates. They aren't your partner. They aren't you Mum.

could you pull her aside. do you no its nothin like ocd or something?
its really difficult sharing when everyone in life is brought up sp differently. this could be reallynormal for her so getting her head round different routines is just not connecting with her to do list brain. so don't tell her shes wrong just that now your all sharing lifes got to be different just for that reason.that living together with people of all sorts of backgrounds means a simpler set of rules to cope