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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Housemate leaving stuff in kitchen

44 replies

MortificadoMarkTen · 02/12/2016 16:21

Despite repeated (kind, directed at everyone) requests to not leave things around, the introduction of a cleaning rota and everyone ekse doing their share, one of my housemates continues to leave a small pile of their unwashed things in the kitchen every day. They start work at midday so have the chance to have a fairly leisurely morning yet never ever wash up after them themselves until either late that evening or the next day - at which point the cycle starts again

The rest of the kitchen is spotless btw.

Aibu to be annoyed? Or do I need to live and let live??

OP posts:

YelloDraw · 02/12/2016 17:15

This is the kind of thing that needs to be made clear before ou agree to live with each other. After uni I knew I didn't want to live with people who left things lying around communal areas - so that was discussed and made sure people were on the same page before living together.

PaulDacresConscience · 02/12/2016 17:22

This is the downside of house sharing - people who don't get that you have to make an effort to keep things clean otherwise the whole place will be disgusting in a matter of days.

It's selfish. If there are communal pans then it's only right that you wash them when you have finished, otherwise your other house mates can't use them. It's unfair to expect everyone to clean up your mess.

If she is a good friend then you should be able to pull her aside and give her the hard word. Tell her this is not a joke anymore and that if she continues to refuse to tidy up, then you and the others will start stacking her shit in a bin bag outside her bedroom door. If she refuses then she'd not such a good friend and you need to find a new house mate.

I had this in my flat share at Uni. The other 2 and I ended up buying our own pots, pans etc., and keeping them in a cupboard which was kept locked. Her shit was piled on a table in the corner of the kitchen, so every time she wanted so much as a teaspoon she had to ferret through the stinking mess and wash it before she could use it. Took her about a week until she realised that it would be easier just to wash and tidy up after herself straightaway.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 17:32

Communal items should definitely be washed up for others to use. Dirty items should be washed up within a reasonable space of time but it is a bit unreasonable to expect it to be done within the time in which you would do it. People are different. I would have a word about the pans - make it clear they need to make sure stuff is washed, dried and put away if others may need to use it.

BackforGood · 02/12/2016 17:37

It's part and parcel of house sharing.
I don't see the point in washing up a couple of things - I'd wait until I'd got a few more. Washing up once a day is more than adequate if you are only washing up for one person. It's just different standards.
We used to go away quite a lot with a couple where she was obsessed with washing up - you'd put your mug down at the side of your chair when you finished your after dinner coffee, and she'd leap up to take it to wash - it drove me mad, but she wasn't right / wrong and nor was I, it's just different expectations.

EastMidsMummy · 02/12/2016 18:37

Who introduced a cleaning rota? Who decided on the rules? Does it matter if there's a dirty plate in the kitchen? What do you do that annoys your housemate? What are you doing about it to stop it?

PickAChew · 02/12/2016 18:42

Washing up crockery encrusted with food less than 12 hours after using it is nothing to do with silly high expectations. It's to do with making the kitchen a pleasant, safe and hygienic place in which everyone can prepare food and not attracting vermin!

You need to spell it out to your house mate, just to make sure there is no misunderstanding.

Theoretician · 02/12/2016 18:49

Dirty items should be washed up within a reasonable space of time but it is a bit unreasonable to expect it to be done within the time in which you would do it.

It should be done before the next person enters the kitchen. It's possibly acceptable to eat the food you've cooked before washing the pot you've cooked it in, but the time to wash it thereafter should be measured in minutes rather than hours.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/12/2016 18:51

I had a flat mate who did the same,we used to put it all on a washing up bowl and put it in his room! Happy days

Theoretician · 02/12/2016 18:52

I don't see the point in washing up a couple of things - I'd wait until I'd got a few more.

I wash under a tap. It's quicker than my mother's method of filling a sink, uses less water, and there is no economy of scale from doing multiple items together. If I were sharing there'd be no excuse for not washing everything immediately, and blighting everyone else's lives with my dirt.

dreamingofsun · 02/12/2016 18:53

i agree with eastmids. we live in a very small close of houses. one of my neighbours dumps his grass/garden waste in a corner of the close to rot down. I don't complain about this as i'm sure there's stuff we do that annoys him and if he ever complained about us i'd raise it. you may be annoying but in other ways

dreamingofsun · 02/12/2016 18:54

theoret - the experts always used to say that it used less water if you fill the sink, than washing under the tap. just goes to show how everyone's views differ

WLF46 · 02/12/2016 19:00

It is selfish and it is messy, but welcome to the world of the house-share! It is highly unlikely that when several people are living together that they will all share the same standards of cleanliness. You think it's unreasonable of your housemate to leave their washing up until the next day, but to them it is perfectly acceptable.

Remember that everyone has bad habits. If someone else has a habit that annoys you, there will almost certainly be something you do that infuriates them!

Until you are able to afford a home of your own (the only reason I can think of that any sane person would live in a house-share is that they can't afford not to) you will have to put up with this sort of thing. Some people are naturally more untidy than others, some have better personal hygiene, some are lovely but snore loudly. People are just different, and you need to learn to live with it.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 19:06

Theoretician: That's just your personal preference. Plenty of people wash up at the end of the day. As long as you aren't stopping others from using the space (so your mess isn't all over the place) then it is really just a matter of different priorities. You don't get to tell others to wash their stuff 'within minutes'.

IonaNE · 02/12/2016 19:31

PotatoSalad When I was at uni and house-shared, I was in the midst of depression, and all of my energy and focus was on getting myself to uni. Even the most minor tasks like washing up, which seem normal to other people, can be incredibly difficult for someone with mental health problems
The others in the houseshare, however, have not signed up to living in dirt, unwashed dishes, rubbish, etc. In a houseshare everyone can have their own room in any state they like (unless it becomes a pest-control issue), but imo there is an obligation to keep the shared areas to the agreed standard. Regardless of any personal problems.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/12/2016 19:36

Do what you like when you live on your own but everyone should leave the kitchen clean and tidy for others when they share. Apart from anything else leaving dirty plates out encourages mice.

ThisThingCalledLife · 03/12/2016 12:57

Simple solution - she buys her own set of pans and plates.
If she wants to use communal ones then they need to be washed in time for other housemates coming home.

i tend to wash stuff as i go but plates/cutlery/things that need soaking get done the next day.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 03/12/2016 14:28

Speak to her when everyone is present. Just sit her down and explain what she needs to be doing. She can't carry on like this, its not fair on the rest of you.

Could you ask her to move out?

AgeingArtemis · 03/12/2016 20:12

Oh dear.

I live in a house share.
I wash up at the end of the day (I usually wash up breaskfast and lunch things while waiting for dinner to cook, and them wash up dinner things quickly after...although I have been known to leave them overnight)

I am the cleanest person in our houseshare

Yes I am a bit of a slob, but I used to be much tidier before I moved into this houseshare. It's hard to be bothered to wash the crubs of your plate instantly when there are piles of moldy pots everywhere.

AgeingArtemis · 03/12/2016 20:13

OP, I think you should scout out the general feelings of your other housemates. If they aren't especially bothered, I don't think washing things up the next day is too unreasonable if the pots aren't needed.

I wish I could be equally "strict" with my housemates but it's 3 against 1

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