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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the school... WTF

458 replies

bookeatingboy · 01/12/2016 22:55

DS came home yesterday with a payment card for his first residential trip next year. The cards were blue and apparently all the girls got pink cards!

Some of the girls asked for blue cards and were told that blue is for the boys and pink for the girls

OP posts:

PacificDogwod · 03/12/2016 09:44

It's not about this one school, or these specific cards.

It's not about how it 'could' feed in to bigger problems.
It's a symptom of the fact that bigger problems exist, whether at that particular school or in wider society.

I am so far from a frenzy as it is possible to get btw

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 09:45

If I felt that strongly about something the school did that I perceived as wrong, I wouldn't have waited a few days before saying anything that's for sure.
I would have just sent an email enquiry. But that's just me.

Original poster

bookeatingboy · 03/12/2016 09:45

Oh doesn't bother me in the slightest so guess we are just different. I'm not really a militant person so maybe why

Thank you for that passive aggressive comment of course those of us that are concerned about this must be militant

And so what if you don't know anyone in RL who wouldn't care about this, that comment is a statement about people you know, not about the population in general, so have no real value to the argument.

OP posts:

sashh · 03/12/2016 09:46

honestly it doesn't matter that much does it?

Yes it does, it indicates the school are reinforcing stereotypes rather than being inclusive.

NotYoda · 03/12/2016 09:47

bookeating

would you mind if this was an admin issue? In your last post it seemed to be you'd be more irritated if this was something decorative for the children, than to assist staff in admin.

NotYoda · 03/12/2016 09:54

The reason I ask is because I was told that there was no difference.

Original poster

bookeatingboy · 03/12/2016 10:02

Notyoda yes I would, either reason would equally bother me. Perhaps that didn't come across well in my last post but I'm sure others will be along to quote the fuck out of that comment some more just to prove that I don't

I see no point writing further until I have spoken to the school, but I do always appreciate the "why write about it on the forum, until you've spoken to school" comments. The forum is titled AIBU, which surely suggest a place for debate about whether or not YA actually BU to think about an issue the way you do... no

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 10:04

Send the email now, and you will have you answer on Monday morning....

Floggingmolly · 03/12/2016 10:05

How did you find out the girls were given pink, op? If your ds brought home a blue one; why would it even cross your mind that they weren't all blue?

Floggingmolly · 03/12/2016 10:07

Maybe your ds knows what a bugbear of yours this is, and they're having you on. Go on, send the email...

CautionHotSurface · 03/12/2016 10:11

Emotional danger???

ROTFL! Life must be constant turmoil for some people.

NotYoda · 03/12/2016 10:33

bookeating boy

It's not that it didn't come across that way. It's what you actually said. If on reflection you've changed your mind, just say so.

We all have inconsistent views.

What riles me is being told how to feel. As a woman, particularly. that's something that really irks me.

NotYoda · 03/12/2016 10:36

Oh and passive aggressive smileys. It's got to the point where I hesitate to use a smiley because they only get used sarcastically now

HOHOHOvariesBeforeBrovaries · 03/12/2016 10:40

However this in isolation is a non issue.

So you don't think children will notice that the girls have pink and the boys have blue?

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 10:44

Casting my mind back now I think payment cards came home in envelopes with covering letters re dates and payment plans so I would never have seen anyone else's and payments would also be returned in an envelope. I am fairly sure my DSs would not have known TBH.

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 10:46

The reason I picked up on "upset" is because a standard response to a mild questioning of any bit of everyday sexism is to say that the questioner is upset, or losing sleep or pearl clutching or getting their knickers in a twist or being outraged or offended or even "whipped up into an indignant frenzy". When all they were was questioning. It's an excellent silencing technique, intended to make the questioner look hysterical or militant or worst of all radical (radical in the context of feminism doesn't, by the way, mean "very"). The questioner then has to self justify and the issue becomes buried in a welter of "but of course I've got other things to worry about...."posts and people can amuse themselves at the expense of feminists without actually thinking about the issue and wondering whether said feminist might just have a smudging of a point.

And the reason I mentioned men's response is that men very rarely accuse each other of being over emotional when they raise a practical question. They do when women do, though!

NotYoda · 03/12/2016 10:53

Bertrand

Well none of that is me. I also hate those terms. I used a mild emotional term because I am an emotional person who uses emotional language.

You've picked the one person who basically agrees with you, and tried to be conciliatory

AtiaoftheJulii · 03/12/2016 11:31

This really really doesn't bother me at all.
It's a known shorthand
It won't harm anyone
I do hate gendered toys and clothes though

Like pink t-shirts for girls and blue t-shirts for boys?
Or pink (play) tills for girls and blue tills for boys?

It's all part of the same spectrum!

yellowpostitnote · 03/12/2016 11:36

busy you are in the envious position of not having been very negatively affected by gender stereotyping, or are aware of it, therefore it doesn't bother you. So you don't get it.

It won't matter to you until you do see at first hand the damage gender stereotyping does, of which this is a very mild example of.

yellowpostitnote · 03/12/2016 11:43

It matters because it's a school.

You can't dismiss it as it's part off the continuum. In fact, visually, the basis of a lot of it.

It's sloppy and lazy and if a school were sloppy and lazy with any other part of personal and social education there'd be a Big Issue.

Eolian · 03/12/2016 12:36

I asked dh if his school would do this (he's a deputy head) and he said "Of course not, how ridiculous " and was rather incredulous when I said that some women don't see a problem with it. Most schools' senior leaders would orobably have the sense not to do it either, as even if they weren't that bothered by the idea personally, they'd realise it would be seen as unacceptable by a lot of people. Schools are usually pretty keen on not being seen as anti-equality.

itsmine · 03/12/2016 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BusyBeez99 · 03/12/2016 13:38

Sorry still can't see why you make such a big thing of colours and genders. Making mountains out of molehills comes to mind

I do find some of you fairly militant so want a passive aggressive comment - my opinion that's all. (This passive aggressive thing again seems to be a mumsnet thing as does this pink/blue gender thing).

BusyBeez99 · 03/12/2016 13:38

*wasn't

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 14:23

Busy- I can try to explain again- are you interested? Happy to if you are.

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