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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about being stood up

34 replies

pregnantat50 · 01/12/2016 21:06

I have a friend that keeps hinting they want more than friendship. I have developed feelings towards him and over the last few weeks we have been progressing things. The thing that annoys me though is he is always late or letting me down, normally I forgive him as there are very valid reasons but he is incredibly disorganised as well

Anyway today to make it up to me he invited me to a show his son is performing in. I suggested I call round at 6.30 and we leave then.

His son emailed me to say his dad is running late and will pick me up from my flat at 7, I replied that I would wait by the parking area so we get to the show on time.

I stood outside from 10 to 7 until 7.37 in the cold. Came indoors and found he had emailed me at 6.47 to ask if I got his sons email about meeting at 7 and then another one at 7.35 saying "I guess your not coming then" I noticed a car that looked like his drive past me at one point.

So he basically didn't pick me up and then pretended I was in the wrong. I am so disappointed that he cant be on time or even apologise for his lateness.

Am I being unreasonable in messaging him not to call round tonight after the show as I am really angry and need to calm down. I think the main problem is I am punctual, early even and he would be late to his own funeral.

OP posts:
Ahickiefromkinickie · 01/12/2016 21:19

I would tell him to never darken my door again.

But why did he drive past your house if he didn't want to take you out?

HuckfromScandal · 01/12/2016 21:21

He is telling you who he really is. Believe him.

Original poster
pregnantat50 · 01/12/2016 21:50

What do you mean Huck ?

OP posts:
VodkaValiumLattePlease · 01/12/2016 21:54

You waited 37minutes outside in the cold!?!

I'm sorry but that's mug territory that is!

SmallTownTwirl · 01/12/2016 21:56

If this happens regularly then it would frustrate me so much I couldn't relax and enjoy the 'relationship' (if it every becomes that)

It is just so disrespectful.

A friend of mine who is very busy once arranged to pick me up at 10a.m texted to say she wouldn't make it til 11 at 10.20 and then she wasn't there til 11.20. I got in to her car and she said 'sorry, I went for a run and did the internet shopping''. I said, lucky you, I've spent the morning waiting for you. She made this gesture like ''oh you're so sensitive" and then laughed it off.

Sassypants82 · 01/12/2016 21:57

Why didn't either of you call your mobiles??! Relying on emailing is bound to cause confusion.

Farmmummy · 01/12/2016 22:00

I wouldn't be impressed at all either but are you sure his son didn't send the email changing it plus the one seeing you got it stirring it tonight unbeknownst to him and he thinks you stood him up?

HermioneJeanGranger · 01/12/2016 22:04

But he didn't stand you up, he changed the time and you left early so didn't get the message!

Why didn't either of you call/text?

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 01/12/2016 22:05

Why didn't you just phone him?

Being constantly late though is just rude. He thinks his time is more precious than yours.

FriendofBill · 01/12/2016 22:10

Have you tried talking to him about it?

Alternatively you could change your style?
Meet at your door or inside somewhere.
Ask him to message when he gets to agreed place so you know to leave, or other damage limiting meetings.
You could aim to be the late one.
Aim to arrive 30 minutes late and see if that works better.

Or drop the relationship.

I have a friend like this and something is always cropping up. i don't see her much and when I do I really relax my expectations.

Original poster
pregnantat50 · 01/12/2016 22:16

He has lost his mobile

He emailed me just now to say his son gave me the wrong message and I was still meant to be going to his sons house at 7. He said he took an afternoon of work to get there in time (he works 6 hours away) and he said he waited at his sons house until 8! I am still annoyed because there was no apology

OP posts:
Original poster
pregnantat50 · 01/12/2016 22:18

but he lied in the email as he said he took half a day off work but he told me he travelled from the town his mum lives in after visiting her, so it doesn't add up

OP posts:
Original poster
pregnantat50 · 01/12/2016 22:19

I think his time keeping will irritate me too much to be more than friends if I am honest

OP posts:
pklme · 01/12/2016 22:20

Sounds like a misunderstanding to me. Maybe both of you need to be clearer about the arrangements.

WhooooAmI24601 · 01/12/2016 22:22

You're giving a lot of thought to this, believing his nonsense and trying to make sense of it. He's a dick. You've developed feelings for someone who doesn't mind shitting on you. You have the choice to continue allowing him to crap all over you, or walking away and telling him to do one. I know which it ought to be. The details don't matter, what matters is that he thinks he can be a twat to you. That's not a man who likes or cares for you.

ILoveAntButHateDec · 01/12/2016 22:24

Eh? Your "friend" was supposed to pick you up to attend his ds show. He has lost his mobile. His ds sent you emails with alternative arrangements. You waited over 30 minutes in this freezing climate and friend didn't show up? Surely friend, without mobile, could have called at your address to pick you up if times had changed and you weren't at original agreed meeting place? Am I missing something here?

NextDoorToTheMortificados · 01/12/2016 22:28

It sounds like he's causing you a lot of stress. OP, I'm afraid I'd put this in the "life's too short" category. Sorry Sad

Original poster
pregnantat50 · 02/12/2016 12:15

yes I emailed him the following message when he tried to say his son wasn't to blame and that he had taken off work just to see me hinting it was all my fault, I smelt a rat and replied:

"No you take the full blame for your actions

A normal man would have called round before going to the show. I live 5 minutes away and you had to pass my flat on route to the show. You bought a ticket for yourself and took the half day to see your son, and then asked me as an afterthought. I feel no guilt for this I did exactly what you asked me to. Its you that stood me up."

he replied

"Your right it was a family gathering & I wanted you to join me. I am sorry. I just don't want anyone to be upset. Still friends"

OP posts:
FriendofBill · 02/12/2016 22:25

What do you make of that?

What are you going to do?

OohhThatsMe · 02/12/2016 22:32

Dump him. Complete waste of time, sorry, OP.

SeaCabbage · 02/12/2016 22:43

Why would you arrange to meet outside for someone who is always late?

Why would you go outside 10 minutes early for someone who is always late? Confused

If he is nice in other ways I am sure you could sort something out for the future.

Crunchymum · 02/12/2016 22:44

Who waist 47 minutes out in the cold?

Crunchymum · 02/12/2016 22:44
  • waits
JenLindleyShitMom · 02/12/2016 22:51

OP are you currently pregnant? (Going by your username) I'm asking because if so you really don't need to be giving headspace or energy to this man. He is using you as someone for company. If he actually wanted a relationship he would come right out with it and tell you. No fucking about with non committal invites to his son's show. Forget about him.

DoJo · 02/12/2016 23:02

I just don't want anyone to be upset.

He shouldn't treat 'anyone' in a way that's likely to upset them then. But he has, and now he's acting as though he had no control over that when he absolutely did and copmpounded it by blaming you. He sounds like hard work.