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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask for a meeting at school before sending dd in tomorrow

42 replies

starsausage · 01/12/2016 19:53

My 6 year old has had a lot of minor issues at school and home . Things like attention problems at school and she still isn't dry at night. The school have raised concerns about her social skills - I was supposed to hear from the school nurse a few weeks ago but I'm still waiting - I understand they are very busy .

My dd has a habit of biting her fingers and sucking on her arms when she is anxious or upset. Today she came home with a massive bruise on her arm where she has sucked and bitten it - it's at the top near her shoulder and when I ask her about it she just says she doesn't know why she did it.

It is at the top near her shoulder and tbh I must have taken her some time and effort to do - a couple of weeks ago she bit her fingers so much we had to bandage them to stop her peeling the skin off down below her knuckle.

The school just keep saying they will ask the school nurse but tbh I feel like she's harming herself there and more needs to be done now .

Aibu to ask for a meeting at the school before dropping her off again (even if that means waiting until next week)?

I have thought about taking her to the gp but I am keep being told I have to go through the school nurse Confused

OP posts:
RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 19:56

Firstly, who told you you had to go through the school nurse?

Secondly, if your DD is doing that for a while in class, why has a teacher not told her to stop?

Thirdly, YANBU to go into speak with the school at all! Okay their busy but that shouldn't really get in the way of this sort of issue. It needs to be nipped in the bud and just as you need to stop it at home, they need to stop it at school.

Original poster
starsausage · 01/12/2016 20:00

Rose - the school told us and I took her to the gp about 2 years ago about the wetting herself who referred is back to the school nurse as it was a school nurse issue ? .

The school nurse posted is a leaflet about limiting caffeine before bed Confused . We have struggled on since then but tbh it's just getting more and more upsetting as she gets older

OP posts:
Yawninghippo · 01/12/2016 20:00

No, I don't think you are BU at all. And I also agree with taking her to see your GP. If you have concerns, then most definitely act. It sounds very extreme, and the school should be in top of it and helping you help her.

I pulled my daughter out of school at 7 after 6 months of emotional upset because the school weren't willing to work with me to help her panic attacks. I've now been HE for nearly a year. She's back to being happy again. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Original poster
starsausage · 01/12/2016 20:01

Oh yes that's what I was thinking at home if we see her harming herself we distract her I know school is different but she would have been doing this for quite some time someone MUsT have seen!

OP posts:
Original poster
starsausage · 01/12/2016 20:03

Yawning we actually home educate our 10 year old son - for totally different reasons (he has dyslexia and just needed to go at a more relaxed pace!)

I haven't taken my 6 year old out of school because I am ashamed to say I am not sure how to cope with her behaviour at all it is extreme and sometimes dangerous Sad

OP posts:
RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 20:05

OP I would ignore the school and take her to the GP. They cannot dictate to you that you have to see the school nurse. 2 years is a long time and as this is still going on (and from the sounds of it it has gotten more serious) the GP should take it more seriously.

It sounds to me like they think it's a bit of a non-issue which I find really worrying. This is defiantly something you need to discuss with the school HT and if that gets you nowhere you can gov above her head.

Also I read my first post back and I think j came across a bit short, sorry about that wasn't the intention!

Original poster
starsausage · 01/12/2016 20:06

If I go to the gp do I need to take her with me? It's very difficult to talk about her when she is there i feel guilty saying how difficult she is plus I actually get very upset talking about it.

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 01/12/2016 20:06

you would think so wouldn't you however mine has done the exact same thing while sitting on the floor in front of me he was so quiet i didn't see him do it he also rubs his bands till the bleed my school does not see it as a problem for them they say it's me so they won't rush to help

is anything upsetting her at the moment? ds does it when there is family disruption or he doesn't want to see his dad and he thinks he has to

Yawninghippo · 01/12/2016 20:08

Please don't be ashamed!! I also have a son with Down Syndrome who is in school because I wouldn't have a clue how to teach him in a way that would work for him, luckily his school is incredible. So I do understand. Smile

Your GP should be doing more. She is so young and could really injure herself. No way should they not be having some input in helping you work out how to help her.

Original poster
starsausage · 01/12/2016 20:08

Absiss- I am not aware of anything that has upset her at all . We have a really boring stable life!

OP posts:
TumourQNameChange · 01/12/2016 20:09

You sound like a fabulous parent - please bypass the school nurse and go to your GP surgery (you can perhaps e-mail through your concerns beforehand or go to the appointment without DD originally so you are not talking about her in front of her.

The comment you made about behaviour and harming herself through biting (that bruise would have taken sometimes) makes me think that it could be possible your DD is having some difficulties expressing her emotions in appropriate ways - this may need a short course of counselling to help guide in her more appropriate responses.

I would definitely skip the school nurse, go to the GP, and perhaps look and whether there are some child counselling services near to you (could you afford to pay if necessary?).

Note3 · 01/12/2016 20:09

Sorry to read your post :( for the sensory issue of biting/mouthing when stressed, is it worth trying a chewlery type item? It's jewelry she can chew. I have a bracelet for my child which looks like lego design and she can chew that instead of her nails, sleeves, everything else! Have also seen necklace ones. Lots on ebay and amazon

ValaMalDoran · 01/12/2016 20:09

Go and speak to your gp. The night wetting is relatively common at 6. My DS6 still wets at night and is fine.

However Self harming as a way to self soothe and extreme behaviour may indicate other issues so please go and speak to someone.

abbsisspartacus · 01/12/2016 20:09

Grin perhaps its just school anxiety then? totally normal at that age

Nanny0gg · 01/12/2016 20:09

I'd go on your own first to explain in detail and then get an appointment to take her along.

Definitely GP, though. Not school nurse.

YouTheCat · 01/12/2016 20:15

Go on your own to the doctor.

Tell them the school have done nothing to help. Tell them how worried you are and don't stress if you get upset. They need to see how it's affecting you. If you can, take some pictures of the harm she's done to herself.

Ditsyprint40 · 01/12/2016 20:15

Definitely GP. Maybe try and book an emergency appointment this week, but I wouldn't keep her home until you get a meeting with school.

HHH3 · 01/12/2016 20:16

Take photos of any injuries as well to the GP so they can see clearly what she's done and how bad it is.

Mehfruittea · 01/12/2016 20:19

Ask your GP for a telephone appointment instead of face to face. You can then take the call in private - GP can then follow up in a face to face without you having to start again. Take pictures of bruises etc that happen at home and school so that can can demonstrate the problem to GP (offer to email pics if they seem unsupportive) and keep them for your records to show any changes in frequency or severity.

Hope you can get the help you need. Xx

TumourQNameChange · 01/12/2016 20:26

I would also double check with the school they haven't already referred you to a service though, but I would definitely go down the GP route as the school appear to be shite.

AddToBasket · 01/12/2016 20:28

OP, trust your instincts. Speak to the GP and ask them for a referral to child mental health support.

Serialweightwatcher · 01/12/2016 20:32

You definitely need the GP - this is urgent and you can't wait around for the school nurse ... she's obviously very anxious - ring the GP for a call back and explain over the phone and see if they need to see you alone or if they maybe will refer to a paediatrician or child psychologist - good luck and don't worry Flowers

DixieWishbone · 01/12/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/12/2016 20:34

Go to GP but they may not refer to enuresis clinic (for bed wetting) until she is older than 7 but should be able to give you tips. Also GP for her anxiety issues too.

Good luck.

Flowers
GreenPetal94 · 01/12/2016 20:38

School nurse is not the best option, I'd go to the GP. But also ask for an appointment to talk to her teacher about how to minimise her making things sore in class.

I personally wouldn't keep her off though as you many reinforce that school is something to be anxious about. I'd just make a big fuss of her outside school and try and keep her cheery.

My son wet consistently til 7 and occasionally til 10. He's now completely reliable at night. We just bought the largest size of Pyjama pants until he was only wetting occasionally. Other advice didn't seem to help him.

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