Aibu to ask for a meeting at school before sending dd in tomorrow

[starsausage]

My 6 year old has had a lot of minor issues at school and home . Things like attention problems at school and she still isn't dry at night. The school have raised concerns about her social skills - I was supposed to hear from the school nurse a few weeks ago but I'm still waiting - I understand they are very busy .

My dd has a habit of biting her fingers and sucking on her arms when she is anxious or upset. Today she came home with a massive bruise on her arm where she has sucked and bitten it - it's at the top near her shoulder and when I ask her about it she just says she doesn't know why she did it.

It is at the top near her shoulder and tbh I must have taken her some time and effort to do - a couple of weeks ago she bit her fingers so much we had to bandage them to stop her peeling the skin off down below her knuckle.

The school just keep saying they will ask the school nurse but tbh I feel like she's harming herself there and more needs to be done now .

Aibu to ask for a meeting at the school before dropping her off again (even if that means waiting until next week)?

I have thought about taking her to the gp but I am keep being told I have to go through the school nurse

I wouldn't ask in the morning other than you would like to meet with staff soon. You see it is the worse time to have a parent want a discussion and you feel you are short changing the parent and the rest of the class. The teacher will be very busy getting children in and settled. It might be better to ask for a meeting with the teacher and the SENCO as it sounds like there are a few difficulties and the SENCO will be very experienced and may be able to speed up the process. The school nurse generally comes in only twice a year now and they are going to be phased out unfortunately.
I would take her to a GP perhaps one with children might give you a bit more understanding and support.

star I would also suggest you talk to/arrange a meeting with the SENCo at your school. Their remit should also be emotional/mental health issues. If you make her aware you are concerned - and what you have discussed here (again, photos would be a great place to start) then he/she maybe able to help.

The gp often won't refer wetting problems to the specialist services until the child is 7. ERIC is a charity dealing with continence problems, they might be able to help / advise you on the bed wetting. But for the biting/ bruising, I would say you need to go back to the gp and ask for a referral. You probably need to take the child with you, but choose what you say in front of her carefully and try not to show how distressed you are. Could you explain to her before the appointment that you're taking her to have a chat with the doctor about ways to stop her feeling like she wants to do the biting.
And do ask for a meeting with the school, my dD's problem is continence and her teacher hadn't realised how bad it was until I went in to talk to her. The school have been very helpful since then.

It sounds like your dd is a sensory seeker and she is self-regulating for sensory feedback. Sensory seekers need more sensory stimulation than their peers and they will 'phase out' if they don't get enough feedback, which might be why your dd has attention problems.
The bruises will probably be her sucking her arms for sensory feedback - it's not necessarily self-harm. An occupational therapist will be able to assess for sensory processing difficulties which might make the picture clearer.

Definitely go to the GP and get her referred to a child psychologist /psychiatrist. The self harming is really worrying and you don't want it to become a habit.

I personally would not worry about the bed wetting - this is something that is being dealt with purely by the school nursing team in our area unless it is part of a much more serious issue. At 6yrs old it is very common - in DS1's class there were 4 other boys that I knew about who still were wetting the bed at this age. He has just stopped now at 10yrs old but again not uncommon. We went through all the usual advice (see the EPIC website) then went onto medication and then finally had a bedwetting alarm.

The other issues you have talked about I would push for more support. I agree you need to arrange a proper meeting with class teacher and SENCo maybe see if they can have an advisory teacher who specialises in social / communication / interaction difficulties to come and observe her to see what they think or an Educational Psychologist. I would also see your GP and look for a referral to a paediatrician. We had loads of concerns with DS1 but all very vague. The paediatrician was fantastic referred him to different professionals to look at each area of concern (Speech Therapist for communication difficulties, Occupational Therapist for sensory difficulties) and also organised an assessment for ADHD and finally Autism. The process was long but thorough and means we can argue for the best support and understanding of his behaviour.

I am afraid you have to really push for these kind of things.

The school shouldn't be asking the school nurse.
Ask them or look online for the school nursing team phone number and call them directly for a meeting with them if you want.

However, to me, along with the anxiety, it could be sensory based......the sucking and biting kind of like a type of stimming.

Does your DD have other sensory issues do you think? If yes, you can get the GP or LA children's services team to refer her for an OT assessment and to be honest, if it's hurting her and detracting from her learning, I would try to get an appointment ASAP.

Depends on your school nurse service and local GP. Without my lovely school nurse, I would never had had the help or support to push for a referral. My GP was useless, just said DS was "quiet". The school nurse was brilliant, spent a lot of time with him, pushed for referral, wrote to my GP and told the teachers what was going on. She also organised a pat dog visit while we were waiting for referral and helped me chase it up. Don't discount the school nurse.

Ds1 wet the bed until he was 10. It is so common and yet no one talks about it because there is still a stigma attached to bladder control whilst you are asleep

Another vote for the ERIC website for information.

Re the sucking and biting, again, there are so many products available to keep hands or mouths occupied. Ds1 is a nail biter, he bites when he is watching tv so he has a fiddle toy to keep his hands busy.

Have a look on Sensory Direct

And yes I would speak to school to get their take on the situation and ask them what they will do to alleviate the problems that lead to her soothing herself. I would also want SENCO involved not just the class teacher.

My 7 yr old is in nighttime pull ups...I wet the bed till I was 13. So he won't be out of them any time soon....get your child some help through your dr about the other issue.id be more worried about that than the bed wetting

School nurses can refer to CAHMS though in some areas, perhaps this is what the school is looking into? Even though they should have kept the parents informed.

have you spoken to her class teacher about it?

Apologies if I've misunderstood but please don't keep her at home until they can see you!

I'd email or write to the Senco and ask her to ring you either for a chat or an appointment for next week (tomorrow if possible) and ring the GP in the morning.

Our school nurse has about 30 schools and is so stretched it would be a very long wait. That isn't her fault or the school's, but if you are worried then you need to be proactive and seek health advice yourself for her.

Investigate the Eric website and your local paediatric continence team as well.

On the bedwetting, dd(7) still does it. GP said the other week that its OK. One thing we have noticed makes a difference is drinking squash. (Even dh admits if he has it in the evening he gets up in the night but doesn't if he has water!!) Don't know whether that helps anyone else!! We use bedmats rather than 'nappies' which helps with confidence a bit. (Not sure how we are going to deal with upcoming brownie camp thought!)
Other stuff definitely see GP. You can see any GP at your practice - ask around see who is good with kids with complex needs, don't be afraid to try a couple if need be. Schools rarely have the budget to make proper medical referrals so will drag their feet over doing so, GP's are more variable (ime). Ask for telephone appt or to see them without dd when you book. Or write down what you want to say 'out of earshot' so you can just pass it over. They will want to talk to her though before referring I would think.
Good luck - it sounds like you have a battle with the system on your hands.

It might help to write down all the issues you are concerned about, and the issues the school have brought up, and refer to this when speaking to the GP. Also worth mentioning your dd has a brother with dyslexia. With the list of concerns you mention, I would be asking for referral to a developmental paediatrician. Better to get the ball rolling asap, since school have held you back waiting for so long. If further assessment isn't required appointments can always be cancelled.

If you ask for a meeting with the school Senco, ask what they plan to do to support her. Is this same school you took your ds out of?

I got a chewlery thing for my DS like Note3 did. But if your school is anything like my DSs school OP. You'll need a meeting hedorehand to tell them DD will be wearing it and wanting a plan etc until you can get the GPs into gear.

I only ever saw the school nurse once for DS at his last school and his chewellery got taken off him as it was a 'health and safety issue' DS himself told me another boy nicked it off him three times that day and apparently it was so said boy didn't nick it again! .

Do go back to your GP for the bed wetting OP. I had it regular with DS and he was put on desmopressin. Oddly enough since he's changed schools and his stress level is significantly reduced the bed wetting isn't as often now.

It can be very hard to talk about your child to a professional, especially when you're so worried. I always write down what I want to say because otherwise I get too anxious and forget. Just write what you wrote in your op and go from their with your GP.

Definitely push for a chat with SENCo as well.