To ask if you think sexual orientation is fixed this early on?

[demonchilde]

Ok- so DS4 (11) is adamant he is gay, and has been saying so for at least 2-3 years now. So as not to drip feed, or miss anything out, he also has ASD, and as such a tendency to just say what he is thinking without any fear or care of how a person will react to that, or whether it is an appropriate time to mention it. Which can be fun.

This is not something that would bother me or anyone in my family at all, he is what he is, and if he brings it up we will just talk openly about it. However, if it has ever been discussed, a lot of people will argue that he can't possibly be sure of his sexual orientation at that age, but I'm not sure I agree. A lot of heterosexual people will say it wasn't like there was a specific time they realised they were attracted to the opposite sex- they just knew, and I think it's likely it is the same for him.

Just wondering what others think? AIBU to think sexual orientation is something that is likely to be known and fixed from such a young age, or not?

I knew my friends DD was gay from the time she was about 13. It was just kind of obvious and nobody was surprised at all when my DF announced that she had come out at the age of 17, I was delighted that she'd figured it out for herself at such a young age.

I would imagine some people know from a very young age, just as I'm sure some people feel trapped in the wrong body from a very young age.

Others probably have a more fluid take on their own sexuality. I suppose the good thing about sexuality these days is that people should experience less discrimination as a result of it, and if at a later age they decide that they are in fact heterosexual or bisexual, then that's fine.

I'm much more worried about transgender ( sorry to drag it in) which encourages delaying puberty through the use of (apparently harmless) hormone blockers. Again fine if you are one of those people who has always known from an early age, but not so good if you're just a teen who's not sure about anything and just fancy staying a kid for a bit longer.

Sorry to hijack thread slightly, it's great that we've come so far that parents are so relaxed and accepting of their DCs sexual orientation.

No, he had no problem telling me, but wanted me to have his back when he told his dad! My DH worships the ground his children walk in, and has no problem with sexual orientation, but, as my son correctly guessed, DH thought it might be a phase that my son would grow out of! He did not.

I was so proud of my son though. At school, not long after he told me, they had an exercise in an English lesson (if i remember correctly). They were all invited to write a statement about themselves on the board, and he wrote ' No one here knows, but i am gay'. Cue panicked phone calls from HoY 😁

No one actually would know. This is not PC at all, but i dont know how else to phrase it, so forgive me, but neither he, nor his husband are 'camp' in the least (but have loads of friends who are, and are fab). They are both good looking men who have always known their sexual orientation and had the strength of character to never deny it.

Be proud of yours 😊

Well it's not like people are born straight and then just switch over to the other side. You are who you are. I remember being 7-8 and having crushes on boys. I fancied boys as a teenager and I am now married to a man. Absolutely I think you can have a preference from such a young age but I wouldn't put a lot of weight in any orientation and just say whatever makes you happy.

Toooldtobearsed that is fantastic about him writing it on the board - I can't believe the school made an issue of it like that. I wonder if that would still happen? Mine did get a startled look from the very young language therapist who he mentioned it to though!

And the can of worms that comes with transgener children- I'll be honest, I would struggle to deal with that one. It took me 9 years of hardly any sleep to allow the doctors to prescribe him melatonin, I can't imagine agreeing to any hormone blocking treatment for any of my DC. But then, I haven't been in that situation so I don't suppose I know how I'd feel or deal with it. It's a tricky one, that's for sure.

Intersesting to see that other can just 'know' when a child is gay, I felt like that with him for a long time, and others made the ocasssional comment as well, especially when he went through a phase of using the word fabulous a lot :D. I wouldn't be able to pinpoint why I thought that though.

I agree too that it's great to see how much more accepting people have become, I remember a lot of homophobia back in the 1980's and 90's but it seems to have (thankfully) watered right down. TBH, I just never understood homophobia- what others are or choose to be with does not affect us in any way, so why would it bother people? I suppose religion must have played quite a part, and I am glad that sort of thing is becoming less important to people.

There's a gay club round here that is great for a late drink, and every time I have been I think how nice it is for young people (especially) to be exactly who they, are, dress how they like and be with who they like with no one giving a monkeys. It makes the atmosphere there fantastic as well, how lovely it would be if one day the whole workd was like that.

Some people just know! At this stage, I think I'd just tell him that that was fine, and avoid referring to him having a wife in the future (or other similar gendered references to future partners).

There's a young boy in my family (5) and the entire extended family will be utterly shocked if he turns out to be straight and cisgender