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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To honeymooon without my children??

43 replies

stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 14:24

i am getting married next year, i have been discussing a honeymoon and have been asked by a friend if i am taking my children. I am divorced from my childrens dad (our children came on my first honeymoon along with my parents who looked after them throughout)

The work colleague (acted) shocked that i wasnt planning on taking my children with us and called me "tight". My kids will both be senior school age at the time of the honeymoon and would be staying with my mum who looks after them regularly before and after school (their dad has minimal involvement). they love it at my mums as have friends from school who live on the estate and she plans lovely activities for them (they would also be in school when we go so we can keep the cost down)

I have been divorced once and have learnt from that experience that it is important to nurture a relationship and make time for yourselves as a couple, we are planning on having a baby after the honeymoon so would not get the opportunity to holiday alone in the near future meaning we will have never been away just the two of us.
i also think it is my fiances first marriage and although he treats my children as his own he deserves me to himself for a honeymoon, we have never had the opportunity to travel together as the children have been with us throughout our relationship (not complaining it is a fact) and we would have it no other way, they live with us 100% of the time.

What do you think?

OP posts:
baconandeggies · 01/12/2016 14:27

YANBU. Friend / work colleague is rude for passing judgement and name-calling. Do they often involve themselves in other people's business?

OohhThatsMe · 01/12/2016 14:30

I think given all the circumstances, of course you should honeymoon alone. Your new husband sounds lovely - hope you have a great time!

paap1975 · 01/12/2016 14:32

I think you'd be crazy to take your children in those circumstances. This is a special time for the two of you. As you say, that relationship also needs nurturing

HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/12/2016 14:32

Honeymoon defo without kids. But hope the kids get some sort of holiday aswell during the year.

MusterTheRohirim · 01/12/2016 14:36

But taking them would be a family holiday, not a honeymoon! Have a proper honeymoon and enjoy.

StefCWS · 01/12/2016 14:39

im confused, I thought honeymoons were meant to be just the two of you? When I get married I didn't plan on our daughter coming with us!!

Branleuse · 01/12/2016 14:40

surely its the norm to honeymoon as a couple? Hardly shocking

Original poster
stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 14:41

thank you, yes we took them on a 3 week once in a lifetime holiday this summer so they do not miss out at all.

i think it was jealousy as i got a bonus at work and was asked how i was going to spend it so i said a deposit for a honeymoon. the facial expressions suggested jealousy, she never had a honeymoon as her baby had just been born. I said each to their own but it made me feel a bit shitty. My husband to be is wonderful thank you OohhThatsme, the kids love him! The reason we are putting off having a baby is because i would like a special honeymoon first.

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/12/2016 14:41

Muster I am agreeing with you. Honeymoon defo without kids.
What I am questioning is if the kids actually get a separate holiday at some point.

Bagina · 01/12/2016 14:41

YANBU. I left a baby at home to go on honeymoon. It wouldn't have been a honeymoon with a child there. It was important for us to have that time together. I see on fb that a lot of couples take the kids. Each to their own Grin

HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/12/2016 14:41

steal you have answered my question, thanks.

TwentyCups · 01/12/2016 14:41

Not unreasonable at all. I actually find it a bit odd when people do take their children along as I feel that's a family holiday rather than a honeymoon - but each to their own. None of your colleagues business and very rude of her.

Footinmouthasusual · 01/12/2016 14:42

It used to be traditional to honeymoon without your kids Grin
Of course you are being perfectly reasonable op and your work colleague should keep her beak out.

P1nkP0ppy · 01/12/2016 14:44

Confused You ...... think it is his first marriage ........? Perhaps you need to check?

Weird honeymoon with children coming along, let alone taking parents too to childmind for you!

Colby43443 · 01/12/2016 14:44

People always have an opinion about weddings honeymoons. I had judgement passed on me by colleagues because I was having a destination wedding - it Was infuriating.

user1471950254 · 01/12/2016 14:45

Definitely honeymoon with just you and DH! This is a time for you to be romantic and have some precious time together.

Each to their own so your colleague had no right to be so judgemental! Angry I've only heard of people taking children on honeymoon when the children were very young and it was a honeymoon/family holiday but all that matters is it's the honeymoon you both want

Original poster
stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 14:47

Housework, we have had a 3 week once in a lifetime holiday with the kids this year, been camping and also on a weekend cottage break we will go somewhere next year but not an extravagant holiday as we have a wedding to pay for, and we have just moved house. not done things by halves this year have we Smile

OP posts:
clare2307 · 01/12/2016 14:47

Leave them behind for sure! We left our 4 year old in the very safe and capable hands of my parents for 4 nights after our wedding so we could have a few days in Paris just our 2 selves! As long as they are well cared for while you are away-DO IT Grin

HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/12/2016 14:49

steal you totally deserve your own honeymoon, don't feel guilty!

TallyHoAndToodlePip · 01/12/2016 14:50

Honeymoons are for newly married, smitten couples. Children will totally cramp your style, fun and romantic antics! Leave them at home and have a fabulous time! Grin

MitzyLeFrouf · 01/12/2016 14:51

What teen wants to watch their mother and stepfather canoodling and make blissed out morning after faces at one another.

Ignore colleague and enjoy your honeymoon.

Mirandawest · 01/12/2016 14:54

Of course you go on honeymoon without children. I don't understand why people would take children (wouldn't say this to anyone who actually was planning to do it, but still find it a bit odd).

My DH and I went on honeymoon in October and left my children with their dad (DH's DS was safely away at university)

Original poster
stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 14:54

P1nkp0ppy Smile i meant "i think" that it is ok because it is his first marriage. ha ha i definitely know he has not been married before.

Yes i know it was strange to have family on my last honeymoon, it was peer pressure and i caved, it was the same judgement that i shouldnt honeymoon without my children, my mum paid for it so i went along with it.

Thank you, it seems the general concensus that i should go and enjoy a honeymoon without kids. Smile

OP posts:
Aderyn2016 · 01/12/2016 14:55

Even if your dc hadn't had a holiday this year I would still think it perfectly okay to have a honeymoon just with your dh. I wish I'd had one, but we got married on a shoestring. I still regret ot having one and I've been married donkey's years!

MrsJayy · 01/12/2016 14:56

Oh gawd yes your teens would be mortified at all the mushy lovey nonsense go yourselves your workmate is maybe a bit peeved but it has nothing to do with her

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