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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To honeymooon without my children??

43 replies

stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 14:24

i am getting married next year, i have been discussing a honeymoon and have been asked by a friend if i am taking my children. I am divorced from my childrens dad (our children came on my first honeymoon along with my parents who looked after them throughout)

The work colleague (acted) shocked that i wasnt planning on taking my children with us and called me "tight". My kids will both be senior school age at the time of the honeymoon and would be staying with my mum who looks after them regularly before and after school (their dad has minimal involvement). they love it at my mums as have friends from school who live on the estate and she plans lovely activities for them (they would also be in school when we go so we can keep the cost down)

I have been divorced once and have learnt from that experience that it is important to nurture a relationship and make time for yourselves as a couple, we are planning on having a baby after the honeymoon so would not get the opportunity to holiday alone in the near future meaning we will have never been away just the two of us.
i also think it is my fiances first marriage and although he treats my children as his own he deserves me to himself for a honeymoon, we have never had the opportunity to travel together as the children have been with us throughout our relationship (not complaining it is a fact) and we would have it no other way, they live with us 100% of the time.

What do you think?

OP posts:

MitzyLeFrouf · 01/12/2016 14:57

Aderyn you can still have your honeymoon! Get planning and by the time it comes around you'll be so looking forward to it that you'll both be as frisky as a pair of newlyweds

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 01/12/2016 15:03

How fucking rude of your colleague.

A honeymoon is for a newly married couple. It's not as if you're leaving the kids in a cupboard until you get back.

Best wishes and enjoy!

PeachBellini123 · 01/12/2016 15:08

I think it was bizarre for your colleague to comment. A work friend of mine is going away without her 2 year old - would never have occured to me to say something like that

Somerville · 01/12/2016 15:19

Honestly, not an issue. Or rather, her issue, not yours.

I'm getting married soon too and I wouldn't have dreamed of taking my children on honeymoon. That means we end up with quite a short honeymoon, because it's difficult to leave mine for long. But I'd rather have just a week being proper newlyweds than have a longer family holiday posing as a honeymoon.
And frankly my kids will have a better time being applied by grandparents for a week than being palmed off to kids clubs for us to, y'know, do some honeymooning.

Somerville · 01/12/2016 15:19

Spoiled by grandparents. Not applied.

weeblueberry · 01/12/2016 15:21

Folk can't help themselves can they? One of my friends did take their little one on their honeymoon (completely different situation and the little girl was only 8 months old) and still people felt the need to comment on their Facebook pictures about the 'absurdity' of having a child on your honeymoon. It was a real shame because it ended up being a bit of a Facebook argument on a lovely photo of them all enjoying themselves...

Original poster

stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 15:23

i wouldnt have said anything either, she can have her opinion and not said anything, she made a comment before about my children staying at my mums on a weeknight following an activity, my mum lives walking distance from their schools and they love it. it feels like she is trying to make out she is a better parent.

how i see it is i am divorced from their dad, most parents have shared care of their children with ex's, i dont so they are with me more than most people in my situation and i am very lucky for that (i wish there dad showed more interest but they dont seem bothered about it) most people would have at least a day to date /spend time with their new partner whilst their children were with their ex. i hate how i have been made to feel bad about a honeymoon by my friend whilst their dad does what he wants 100% of the time.

OP posts:

PeachBellini123 · 01/12/2016 15:25

Steal - honestly don't engage with her anymore than you need too. She sounds like she has issues.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/12/2016 15:29

Steal this is not about the honeymoon. She is jealous, so will make snarky remarks about anything. My DD loved staying over at her nans when she was young regardless of it being a school night. She sounds extremely jealous of you having any (well deserved) time to yourself.

Fluffsnuts · 01/12/2016 15:29

YANBU. You have made good provision for them, they are old enough to understand where you are and when you'll be back. Go and enjoy yourselves!

Original poster

stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 15:46

Thank you, i will now look forward to booking it and not feel guilty

OP posts:

Ilovenannyplum · 01/12/2016 16:01

I'm getting married in 3 weeks and will be going on our honeymoon next spring. Our 2yr is not coming with us.

I don't feel guilty, we've got years to have holidays with him and I'm only going to get one honeymoon.

YANBU OP

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/12/2016 16:05

If you take the DC it's a family holiday, not a honeymoon. Ignore bitchy colleague. Enjoy your honeymoon.

But saying you think it's your OH's first marriage made me very

Original poster

stealmyhappiness · 01/12/2016 16:29

prawn, i worded it wrong it is his first marriage! i meant i think we should be entitled to a honeymoon with no kids since its his first honeymoon!

OP posts:

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/12/2016 16:39

Got you, Stealmyhappiness. If it's his first honeymoon then going without the DC is even more the right thing to do. I hope you have a wonderful time, and totally agree that spending time and devotion on each other is very important in a marriage.

When I was 11 my DF was left a smallish legacy. He and my DM went to Paris for a week, farming my and my DBs out to friends and relatives.

I still remember how much it taught me about relationships, that my DPs were a couple first and foremost, and parenting had come after that commitment. That they still wanted to spend a week together in such a romantic setting was moving to me as a child. So what you're doing sets a good example to your DC.

HOHOHOvariesBeforeBrovaries · 01/12/2016 16:54

DD is coming on our "honeymoon" (I mean it's a weekend at Butlins but it's a holiday right after our wedding so I'm calling it a honeymoon) but a) she's 2 and b) it's Butlins.

If I was jetting off on a big honeymoon somewhere, we wouldn't take DD, especially if she was in her teens! What teenager wants to know exaclty what honeymoon "activities" the newlyweds are getting up to in the room next door?

olivesnutsandcheese · 01/12/2016 18:34

Yanbu. Definitely go without the children.
When DH and I finally go on a honeymoon (4 years and counting) then DS and DSS will definitely not be coming. Although a disclaimer, DS is only 4 and I don't think I could leave him for longer than a week or inflict him on the g-parents.

maninawomansworld01 · 03/12/2016 23:30

YANBU.

Frankly I think that anyone who DOES take kids on honeymoon is insane.
The whole point of a honeymoon is a getaway for the newly married couple to be all 'coupley' and do things that newly married , loved up couples do.

You've got the rest of your lives to take the kids away.
We only went on honeymoon last year (4 years after getting married) and by then already had 2DC's. They most certainly did not come.

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