AAAAAAGGGHHHH STUPID BLOODY DM

[MissSynful]

please give me some perspective as i feel im away to lose it with dm. I have a ds (16) - typical 16 year old, not particularly mature, has started apprenticeship, gets £160 a week. Dbro (20) is in the same position, just started apprenticeship, gets same amount of money. Both stay with me in my house. Dm has just suggested/really pushing the idea that they should get a flat together (she knows someone who will rent private to them). I have said (more to my ds than my dbro but applies equally imo) that they are neither emotionally/physically and definitely not financially ready to have their own flat. Ds is fucking 16 fgs. Dm is questioning why i would 'dash their hopes' and why i am putting them down. She is away to write down all their outgoings and perhaps on paper they could just about pay the bare minimum of bills, but there would be no money left over for typical things that 16/20 year olds like to do like smoke(mentioned this to dbro who insisted he'd give up!) drink (both insisted they would stop drinking and just have friends over to their house, neither saw what problems could arise from this)(also im not happy that ds sometimes has a drink with his friends at the weekend but technically hes an adult now and he doesnt do it in my house), or buy clothes etc. I cant really speak for my dbro but this is not how i want my ds to start his life. But now he thinks im just putting him down, and how great it would be to get their own flat. Tell me im not a party pooper, im being fucking realistic.

I'd tell her to go and boil her head. And stop mollycoddling your brother.

'And they are pretty useless at housework/cooking/budgetting despite my many attempts at getting them involved.'

STOP doing their shit then. Just stop. There's nothing cute about a manchild who thinks lifework is women's work. My DD is being raised to dump gits like this. They have a home and food, so stop doing their shit because you're doing them no favours plenty of young women their age and no longer wanting to put up with someone like this.

Say fine, do it. In order to save for a deposit they must pay what they would be paying in rent and bills every month to you until they have enough.
Within that time they'll be sick of no money and change their minds.
Also yes to your DM being a guarantor.

Cheekybean, this is pretty much how id suspect ds would probably go if he moved out. Dbro too possibly.

Dont want to give too much away but i moved out cos stepd was an emotional/physical abuser towards everyone in the house. Dm was a shit parent at that point in life but i dont really feel anger towards her as she was just as frightened as the rest of us and psychologically damaged after years of abuse. She owns up to this and regrets very much that she felt she couldnt take another path. Her and step d split up years ago now tho which effectively let us repair our relationship. But yh, sometimes i think she's on a different planet to the rest of us . I genuinely have to believe that she is coming from a place of very misplaced well intent.

I dont mollycoddle him now expat, i meant when he was a wee bairn! They have to keep their own room and bathroom clean etc., or at least i dont do it for them! tbh i hardly see dbro as he is usually in, showered, quick bite and out again with his pals.

Arfarf, im guilty of playing mummy. Cant help it lol DS1 is my pfb (actually dbro may have been my pfb) but will deffo be more strict with them to kill any notion that they have that adulting is fun

Your mum sounds crazy. Idiotic idea of hers.

So you left home at 16, your mum is trying to push your son to leave home at 16.
Your brother is 20 and living with you, not your mum?

I wonder why you left home at 16? was it your mums doing by any chance?

This is a time to tell your mum to fuck right off, Tell her and your son you were miserable when you left home, you are not going to "encourage" to the point of forcing your son to do the same.

I completely get where you are coming from, having left home for good at 17 myself. However students up and down Scotland leave home to go off to Uni at 17 and most cope just fine.

Well it wouldn't be that hard to do a few sums, would it?

Rent, council tax, food, utilities to give an approximation of outgoings & whether or not it's even possible financially.

Do they do their own laundry? Cooking? Tidy up after themselves outside of their room/bathroom?