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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I just call it a day and leave

73 replies

Starypjs · 30/11/2016 20:19

My husbands lost his 5th job this year. Is it unreasonable to just pick up pack up and go. I can't take the instability any longer. I go to work, I have a good job, which I hate, but I do it because someone's got to pay the mortgage. I don't understand his total inability to man the fuck up, go to work and be someone I can rely on. I don't understand it where's his pride. I don't know what to do but I can't live like this. I can't even speak at the moment because if I do every single thought is going to come out of my mouth and some are better left unsaid. I just want to go to work come home enjoy myself with someone who does the same.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/11/2016 20:44

If he was high he'd already be gone. He's a lovely bloke he's just sodding crap at going to work.

Ah, you've already got a child.

Is he a freelancer?

ohfourfoxache · 30/11/2016 20:46

Never mind freelancer, he's a freeloader

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 30/11/2016 20:47

I'm sick of it he won't talk to me about it just stomps off into the other room like I'm being unreasonable (which I probably am a bit)

In what way are you being unreasonable?? Shock

Have you chopped off his balls and casseroled them in the slow cooker?

Original poster
Starypjs · 30/11/2016 20:48

No slow cooker action yet but I'm getting pretty close!

OP posts:
Alconleigh · 30/11/2016 20:49

You should, yes. He doesn't sound like a partner or an equal. To be blunt he sounds like he may have some sort of mental impairment if he is that incapable of sustained employment. Which means he needs professional help. You should be a partner. Not
a carer.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/11/2016 20:49

Is this the carpenter?

Your not his mum, we all need to work. He's a cock lodger isn't he?.

Original poster
Starypjs · 30/11/2016 20:54

He's not a carpenter. Im not sure what a cock lodger is....Thanks for listening tho ladies and gents.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 30/11/2016 20:55

Yep - cocklodger

Original poster
Starypjs · 30/11/2016 20:55

Stepped away to Google. Now clearer on the cock lodger biz.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/11/2016 21:00

Is the reason you haven't got a child because he's got that place already?

Won't earn reliably so that have a baby is an option - I'd be fuming, 13 years wasted on someone...

Meloncoley2 · 30/11/2016 21:00

So this year hasn't been good at all on the work front, but you have been married for several years. How have things been previously work wise?

crashdoll · 30/11/2016 21:01

It's shit and you deserve better. I think you do really want to part ways so do it before you have kids and other responsibilities.

AlabasterSnowball · 30/11/2016 21:05

Has he always been like this?
Is he unreliable in other aspects of his life?
What age is he? He seems to have a very immature attitude
Like others have said, cocklodger how does he think bills get paid?

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 30/11/2016 21:05

BitchyRestingFace

How can he GET five jobs in a year. there aren't five jobs available in the region, here!

MissMogwi · 30/11/2016 21:06

YANBU. 5 times this year?!

I couldn't bear the uncertainty, the pressure or his sheer lack of responsibility -I'd be off.

Thank god you don't have any children for your sake. Imagine how tough that would be.

AlabasterSnowball · 30/11/2016 21:06

Oh and don't have kids with him, then you really will see his true colours

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 30/11/2016 21:15

Stary - what a horrible position to be in. If he was a git in other respects you could walk out without a backward glance and no problems, but because he is a "nice bloke" it's much harder.

Pet - the world is full of "nice blokes" and most of them pull their weight.
Do you want this to continue until you are so angry and frustrated you make yourself ill, trying to support you both, bolster his ego, and keep your temper? (Because that will happen.)

Has he always been like this, or is it just this year - you mention he is a contractor; is he self-employed? Has he always just walked off jobs in a whim, but it's getting worse, or is this prima donna behaviour recent?

What will happen if you are ill, or made redundant? How will you cope?

It would be different if he couldn't work, but he can and he won't. Does he do anything in the house when he is between jobs or do you come in to a sink full of dishes and him in front of the telly.

I don't think I could stick this behaviour - I think I would give him is marching orders. I assume the house is in the your names, but I would kick him out - don't leave yourself. You're the one paying the mortgage.

MrsLindor · 30/11/2016 21:17

I can't express how much I didn't want to go to work this morning, but I'm an adult with responsibilities so I went.

kaitlinktm · 30/11/2016 21:21

Why does he think he can walk off jobs and not you? Surely if he can, so can you? How does he think you would both manage then?

You must at least talk to him about it surely - or he could argue that he didn't know how you felt.

I would feel like either just walking out now - or at least giving him some sort of ultimatum. You can't go on like this. What a complete baby he is.

Pisssssedofff · 30/11/2016 21:22

You say the world is full of nice blokes ... I have two requirements in a man ... Taller than 5'10" and fully employed. You've no idea how hard that combination is to find !

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 30/11/2016 21:22

MrsL

But do your adult responsibilities include parenting a man-child who is both capable of working, and has work to go to but won't?

Stary has already said that she doesn't enjoy her job, but does it because she has to. If her OH would keep a job for more than 10 minutes it might not only take the pressudre off her, but allow her to look round for more amenable employment. Work is a lot of your life if every minute is awful.

donquixotedelamancha · 30/11/2016 21:24

A bloke's point of view: I think YABU and quite mean to this poor fellow. By treating him like a baby you are denying him the chance to become an adult. Its unlikely, but if you show a little self respect and dump him, then maybe one day he might grow up.

Imagine if you have kids. Do you really want them to think this is normal?

If you stay with him he will get worse, not better. Given you are married, I might consider reconciliation if he can hold down a job for 6 months while living on his own and paying half of your mortgage as well (it's his house). If he goes to mummy and daddy he will just get babied even more.

I would consider counselling to examine why you married a loser and put up with it for so long. If you are going to work as a couple you need to be stronger (no shame in it we all have our stuff).

notquiteruralbliss · 30/11/2016 21:24

From what you said he hasn't lost 5 jobs. He has quit 5 jobs. And has in demand skills. I don't see the problem in that he can get a new job fairly easily. I'm quite fussy and only do work I want to do. Fortunately what I do pays well and I work in an industry where jobs are plentiful so there isn't an issue.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 30/11/2016 21:25

Pisssssssssed

My nice bloke is 5'5"! Being a titch I have more wiggle room as regards height. Grin

(Poor DD is almost 6' - imagine her list of "must be's")

Original poster
Starypjs · 30/11/2016 21:26

To be fair to the job I think it could be ok if I could relax when I'm there and not be all stressy about home stuff. But I'm just a constant whirl of turmoil and stress and emotion. Because I've no stability.

OP posts:
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