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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I am being bullied by children?

91 replies

GreySealWhiteWater · 30/11/2016 19:23

I have started a new job and I know children can be cruel but I am starting to feel a little bit bullied Sad

The situation is that the children mock my weight but do so quite surreptitiously and as such challenging them is different. I'm also feeling really paranoid. Have never had this before.

AIBU and a bit of an idiot?

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 30/11/2016 20:07

I am obese. Very obese. I am a teacher. I have had very little name calling (to my face) by kids - other members of staff are a different matter.
If a kid makes a comment I just give them 'the look' as I would if they had said something nasty to another pupil and tell them that in my class they we are kind to others. The kids soon learn what will and won't be accepted.
Only once had someone blatantly said 'you're fat' to which I replied that I knew as I saw it every day and that I wished I had the willpower to change it. Kid accepted that and moved on.
Kids are kids - if they see it gets to you they will keep going.
Flowers

OohhThatsMe · 30/11/2016 20:09

Purplesky, are you teaching 12 year olds? They can be horrible at times.

TheLobsterRollPlease · 30/11/2016 20:10

I'd rather not say Trifle if you don't mind. A bit too specific

^^ I am sick and tired of people saying this, OP you have created a thread asking if you are being unreasonable, we have taken time out, shown concern and commented, but you don't want to answer any questions asked... Drip feeding!

Trifleorbust · 30/11/2016 20:10

GreySealWhiteWater: Because this is AIBU, where generally posters are looking for input from others. It seems slightly pointless to come on here and say 'Kids are mocking me for my weight' but to refuse to say how you know they are doing this, how extreme their comments are etc., because very little of what anyone can say in response has any basis in the situation. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be arsey with you, it's just a bit of an odd one.

Original poster
GreySealWhiteWater · 30/11/2016 20:11

I'm sorry you feel that way Lobster but I'm not going to be goaded into compromising my identity.

OP posts:
TheLobsterRollPlease · 30/11/2016 20:13

No one is asking you to, we are just asking for a little bit more information so we can help further.

What exactly do you want to get out of this thread, we have told you YANBU which you asked, but yet you are still here...

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/11/2016 20:14

Seal I think I'm having a similar situation but not about my weight. Kids are horrible sometimes. I actually found that calling them out on it, in a one on one setting, made me feel quite powerful.

'You said X about me, you were trying to hurt my feelings but implying that I am overweight/whatever. It was a nasty thing to do. Do you want to hurt my feelings? Why would you want to do that? Do you usually show such disrespect for your teacher? What would your parents/form tutor think?'

One of the worst lads burst into tears when I pointed out I knew exactly what he was doing and that it was horrible. He is silent now.

Original poster
GreySealWhiteWater · 30/11/2016 20:15

I'm fat

I'm ugly

Due to the above I have no one to talk to when I've had a shit day at work.

Thanks to your comments I feel one place I could talk to people has been cut off.

Don't get 'fed up.' I won't post again.

OP posts:
Ipsie · 30/11/2016 20:15

You need to take control of the situation and show you are in control. First of all, speak with management. It is not unheard of for kids to bully the teacher and they will be or should be aware that this does in fact happen and so not judge you. They may have advice/strategies they can give you to help.

You could start by talking to the class and informing them that from your point of view you feel they are being disrespectful to you. You can explain that what a person says is not as important as how they say it. So while on the surface the things they are saying or doing may appear to be benign or even friendly- their tone, context and mannerisms send a different message and this is not acceptable. You could explain that in the world of work this could land them in serious trouble - so you feel as their teacher, while you are mildly annoyed at the disrespect, you feel it is your duty to educate and teach them that there are consequences to their behaviour now while they are at school to ensure they do not suffer more serious consequences later on in life. And then start sanctioning them. Do not enter into debate with them. You are the teacher, it is your classroom, so if you perceive they are behaving inappropriately you will act accordingly. One informal warning, second warning noted on the board, third detention - they can discuss their behaviour with you then.

But do ensure you run it by management - not meekly, but control. This is what they are doing. It is not appropriate. I am going to do this. Do you have further advice or help you can give me.

Don't feel bad, they are many in a room, you are one. 3 year olds can hurt with their words....

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/11/2016 20:15

And no, funnily enough I don't want to give specifics about the nasty underhand things horrible kids say about me either. Don't blame you there Seal.

Original poster
GreySealWhiteWater · 30/11/2016 20:16

Thanks Moo.

It's little things really. Like today I told a boy to get his planner. He argued saying he'd already walked to school. I told him to just go and get it. Stormed off shouting 'well you never walk anywhere clearly.' It happens several times a day it's getting me down. Be anyway I've fucked people off and I don't want advice so let's just forget I posted.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 30/11/2016 20:17

I'd ring each and everyone of their parents to let them know what the little darlings are saying to you.

Don't put up with it and don't let them get away with it.

hesterton · 30/11/2016 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/11/2016 20:19

Nah stay here, you have just as much right to post here as anyone, more considering its your own thread.

hesterton · 30/11/2016 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeopardPrintSocks1 · 30/11/2016 20:20

You just gave a specific example right there in your last post. That's all other posters wanted

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/11/2016 20:24

Hesterton makes a good point, I'm not thick skinned and I can easily take things to heart. But I tell myself it's not actually personal, it feels personal, but they always pick up on a characteristic like a big nose or bushy eyebrows or a stutter or whatever...! It's just rudeness, and they need to learn it's not acceptable, that you will call it out and they will get consequences.

For that kid who was so rude on the way to his planner, I would have called over another teacher and made him repeat what he said in front of them. He wouldn't be back in my room that day at all, and only allowed back if he admitted what he'd done was rude and apologised. In the long run, you're doing him a favour, he's clearly not learnt yet not to be a prick.

ThanksSpanx · 30/11/2016 20:25

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I don't have much advice I'm afraid- I'm not a teacher and wouldn't know how I'd manage being made fun of by children- it must hurt. I hope there are folk along soon with good advice for you.

SuperPug · 30/11/2016 20:25

The remark he made is completely out of order and would be seen as offensive.
I've had some things said to me in class. Order them out immediately, speak to them about it outside the classroom and put through an immediate sanction for rudeness to a teacher. My current school is supportive if that happens. What are the sanctions at your school for rudeness to a teacher?
I would record that comment and any others you can think of and take it to SLT tomorrow. Kids or no kids, you have the right to be respected in your workplace.
Some teenagers can be downright horrible about appearance because they are massively insecure and/or have an inflated opinion of themselves at a particular age.
Today for instance - "he's ugly, she's ugly", referring to a celebrity story they were discussing in form time- aargh. Angry

ThanksSpanx · 30/11/2016 20:26

X posts with everyone giving you actual sound advice!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 30/11/2016 20:26

You need to roll out "I beg your pardon". If that's met with 'nothing', call them on it. 'Oh no young man, that was certainly something'. Then offer them a detention to consider how they talk to you in the future.

You don't sound very confident, but OP, you have to fight. You are in charge not some gobby kid. Speak to management and get them to give you the permission to deal with this with a very firm line.

Good luck.

rollonthesummer · 30/11/2016 20:26

Kids can be horrible sometimes :(

Has this only just started? I say this as we're 10 odd weeks into a term.

Are you a trainee? Often they pick up on your anxiety-if you're new/supply/student teacher etc and will do or say things they just wouldn't do when you're experienced and they know you better.

YouTheCat · 30/11/2016 20:27

That was cheek and would have resulted in whatever the sanction in place is for that kind of behaviour whether it's about weight or not.

I got called 'fat' by an 8 year old behind my back today because I'd sent him to the behaviour room. I don't let it get to me. Had he said it to my face he'd have had a few days of detentions but there's not a great deal I can do about something I didn't hear myself.

OP, get tough.

NotYoda · 30/11/2016 20:27

Right, this is what I think regarding your example.This is classic teenager: attack and muddy the waters. You have to ignore it and stay calm. He wants to get a rise out of you. It's the only power he possesses. The prize is for him to do what you want. Did he do that?

He could have shouted anything but he chose the thing he thought would get to you.

After he's got the planner and all is calm, then you pull him aside and get him to think about what he's said.

I don't teach teens but I have two, so I may be barking up the wrong tree

More worrying is your feelings about yourself. You sound very down

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/11/2016 20:27

Leopard I imagine OP found it easier to open up when she felt the space was safe enough to do so. A stranger demanding frankness rarely encourages people to do so.