Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to only cater for the people who have rsvp

51 replies

Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 12:54

So invited 12 children to dd birthday party clearly asking to rsvp either way before the 27th it's on Saturday only 7 have rsvp

What the hell is wrong with people so basically Aibu to cater for the people who have said they are coming

I not catering for 5 more people than I need to but what if they turn up

I don't really care if people don't want to come but at least let me bloody no

OP posts:
ChickyDuck · 30/11/2016 13:12

It wouldn't neccecarily BU, but what will do you if more than seven turn up? Will you turn those who didn't rsvp away?

emmanuelcant · 30/11/2016 13:16

Cater for more that the 7 purely based on what you would like to happen. Would you rather that some children went home hungry or that you and your family were eating leftovers for a few days after the party.

We tend to have buffetish meals so that you aren't cater exactly per head.

This has no bearing on how annoying a lack of RSVPs is!

Wookiecookies · 30/11/2016 13:17

Its irritating, but just a fact of life sadly, maybe cater for 12, but use things you can incorporate into a family meal or packed lunches in the days following? Then there is less waste if only 7 appear.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 13:30

Why is is so fecking hard for people t text child's name then yes or fecking no

OP posts:
5foot5 · 30/11/2016 13:31

YWNBU to only cater for 7 but it might save embarassment to assume they all will come. Many people are bad mannered gits when it comes to RSVP.

Quintessing · 30/11/2016 13:35

I am a bitch.

When my kids were little and this was an issue, I would do a buffet and make sure there was a little more, extra sausage rolls, extra crisps, enough cake etc, but I would NOT have more party bags than necessary.

Most kids would usually come with their parent to get party bag, and I would say "sorry darling there is not one for you, because your mum did not let me know you were coming to this party, so I dont have enough. But I am sure your mum/dad will stop somewhere on the way home and buy you a small present as a consolation".

Tough shit. I hope a few parents learnt to RSVP from that, or from telling others about my horrible rudeness...

Rockingaround · 30/11/2016 13:36

Do follow-up. I always have to check if ppl are coming or not. I had 28 for DS birthday last week and only had three formal replies, the rest were done on the school run and follow up texts ...?

Colby43443 · 30/11/2016 13:36

Yanbu, as long as you are prepared to turn people away. One of my friends did this and got her partner to physically escort out the parents who didn't rsvp - some of the departing kids threw tantrumns because they didn't get goody bags/cake etc. I personally thought it was ok but some of the other parents were being a bit judgy about it

coffeeslave · 30/11/2016 13:39

I needed to read this today. I'm having a big do early next year and I've asked people to RSVP by tomorrow so that I know how many to cater for (it's a catered meal). So far I have loads of people who haven't RSVPed - including most of my extended family. I have no idea if I should cater for them anyway, or not. I guess having too much food isn't SUCH bad thing, but....

Also, if only the number of people who have RSVPed actually come, then I can afford to give everyone a free drink too. But what if people who haven't RSVPed arrive and snaffle the free drinks?! Gawd the stress!

Colby43443 · 30/11/2016 13:43

You can leave a list of names at the bar and tell the bartender to only give free drinks to those people (everyone else pays). I did this at my wedding and it was really discrete

coffeeslave · 30/11/2016 13:47

Colby43443 That is genius!! Thanks!

Colby43443 · 30/11/2016 13:51

Np. Hope you have a great event coffee!

HmmHaa · 30/11/2016 13:54

Bit shit making the kids suffer, isn't it? Not their fault the parents didn't RSVP.

Colby43443 · 30/11/2016 14:03

Hmm it's the parents job to then explain to the child why they can't go. If you've requested rsvps and parents don't respond then you can't then expect the children to be catered for or even welcome.

Wookiecookies · 30/11/2016 14:05

Yes Hmm, I am inclined to agree with you there.

Greengoddess12 · 30/11/2016 14:10

It's annoying I agree. Still I would cater for 12 and do party bags as it's hardly tea at the Ritz is it.

quintessing tempting to do that but afraid it would rebound on my kids and couldn't afford that to happen.

SPARKLYSTARSHINESBRIGHT · 30/11/2016 14:12

can you ask the parents, it maybe the invitations are sitting at the bottom of children's bags or in the case of my DD's party some children were going to their estranged dads at the weekend so weren't sure if dad would bring them. There may be an explanation, although I agree some parents are just plain rude.

Quintessing · 30/11/2016 14:25

Bit shit making the kids suffer, isn't it? Not their fault the parents didn't RSVP.

Who is making the child suffer though?

The parent who has tried to accommodate them at the party (to a certain point) without going to too much expense for possible no shows, or the parent who selfishly rock up to a party expecting full catering despite not having RSVPd?

No parent like to see their own child suffer, so I am sure MOST would find a way to make it up to their kid.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 15:08

My daughter is at nursey school she is 4 and the Saff place invites in parents hand at home time

All the children finish and start and Diffrent times so it's diffcult to get a informal rsvp so for example my daughter only attends two full days however some of the children do a full week of half days Ect so if diffcult

I think I will make a little extra food but omit the extra party bags and teach all a lesson

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 30/11/2016 15:33

If you have the parents' numbers I would text to ask if they're coming, as you haven't had an RSVP. I would assume no response means no, and not cater.

In principle I agree you shouldn't have to chase up... but I don't know if I could face 5 disappointed children who couldn't eat or take home a party bag, as much as I'd want to teach their rude parents a lesson.

Wookiecookies · 30/11/2016 15:36

Just bear in mind fishe that you may find your DD does not get any recipocal invites if you try to "teach all a lesson". It may seem like the right thing to do, but the repercussions might not be worth it in the end.

Wookiecookies · 30/11/2016 15:36

Reciprocal

CookieLady · 30/11/2016 15:47

Totally agree with Wookie. It's not the kids' fault.

Pineapplemilkshake · 30/11/2016 15:53

I can see your point but I'd never carry this out on real life. Annoying as it is, you will have to see these same parents year after year at school events etc.

I usually chase up with a text if I haven't received an RSVP. Usually they are apologetic. Any non-responders do not get invited the next year. It is the parents' fault if they don't RSVP but I wouldn't want my actions to affect my DC's friendships etc.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 20:59

poster Wookiecookies Wed 30-Nov-16 15:36:22

She be leaving in August for nursey and tbh she's been there since she was 2 she's 4 on Saturday and never had any invites anyway

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread