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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to only cater for the people who have rsvp

51 replies

Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 12:54

So invited 12 children to dd birthday party clearly asking to rsvp either way before the 27th it's on Saturday only 7 have rsvp

What the hell is wrong with people so basically Aibu to cater for the people who have said they are coming

I not catering for 5 more people than I need to but what if they turn up

I don't really care if people don't want to come but at least let me bloody no

OP posts:
Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 21:02

She's leaving in the summer for primary

There will. Be no party bags for non rsvp parents who are so bold as to turn up with out informing anyone

That is all

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 30/11/2016 21:13

That's just horrible not having party bags for non RSVP'ers who do arrive. I know only too well it's annoying but really, there's no need to match rudeness with rudeness. If you don't want to do a full party bag for the non RSVP'er, at least stick a few bags of mini jellies into a bag.

Will you hand the birthday gift back to the non RSVP'er???

Very mean to have a guest arrive, host them, your child enjoying their company, accepting their gift and sending them home without a party bag that most other kids are getting.

Lunde · 30/11/2016 21:17

Seems very mean to take out parents' rude behaviour on 4 year olds

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 21:18

To be honest I don't want them to bloody come because they haven't rsvp

It's very rude actually there is litrally no place I would simply turn up if invited with out saying weather or not I a, coming I gave two weeks notice and I am not spending waiting money on people who may or may not turn up

You wouldn't not rsvp at a wedding and then just show up because the couple would have only catered for the people who rsvp you wouldn't do it for a prarents evening just not borther to say if coming when asked to say if your coming then just show up and expect to be seen

OP posts:
Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 21:21

Well i am not doing 6 more party bags than I need to They come in bags of 6 so I would of brought two plus the bits to go in but of they don't arrive it's money down the drain they were asked to say if they were coming they had a dead line a number only asked to text simplely the name of there child and yes or no my daughter attends the nursey if they lost the invite

That is all

OP posts:
PoshPenny · 30/11/2016 21:23

Just phone up or speak face to face with the non replying parents and find out if the kid is coming or not. Then you know what's happening and it's dealt with.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 21:32

Phone up who I don't know the parents my daughter sat with her support worker and choose children she plays with regular at nursey

They call start at Diffrent times some children do evey morning some children do evey afternoon my daughter is in two long days some children attend breakfast and after school club

They also have a staggered start so you can drop them in between 8.50 and 9.5 so you don't really see the parents like at a primary school

That's what I put on the invite please rsvp by xxxx and asked for a simple child's name and yes or no coupled with the invited being handed to the parents not to the children Confused

OP posts:
Shemozzle · 30/11/2016 21:38

It's not unreasonable not to cater for them.
I personally would though. Tbh, I've found nursery invites a bit awkward. My dd has had 3 since September, don't know any of the parents as I don't see them, she won't be going to school with them, I don't know the kids from Adam, and I find the rsvp a huge pressure, having to buy a present and take a chunk out of the weekend to sit with strangers she won't remain friends with after this year a bit of a faff, And we've left or rsvp a bit last minute a couple of times I'll admit, as we didn't want to commit.

NiceFalafels · 30/11/2016 21:41

Can you make up food bags with the name of the child on the bag? Then just bring a few extra sandwiches for surprise guests.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/11/2016 21:43

A chunk the party is 1.45 minutes it's next door to the nursey and I simply asked for the child's name and yes or no the fact we don't know each other should make it easier to say either way

I find primary invites harder to turn down as you will be spending the next 5 years with the people Confused

She been with these children for 2 years god it's like getting a invted from a child at at brownies or anywhere else you just say yes or no

OP posts:
LongHardStare · 30/11/2016 21:54

Anyone ever put the address as something like 'Whatever St' or 'near nursery' and then only give out the full address on rsvp? At least you'll know for definite who won't be coming!

LongHardStare · 30/11/2016 21:55

Also, I reckon there are parents out there who don't know what rsvp means...

Bringmewineandcake · 30/11/2016 22:01

I think YABU to say no party bags for 4 year olds whose parents didn't RSVP. It's not like a wedding as you'd never invite just children, if the adults don't RSVP then it's perfectly fine to send them away. It's out of the children's control though.
If they do turn up you will ruin the end of the party for them by making a point about RSVPing. They're only 4!!

RichardBucket · 30/11/2016 22:03

LongHardStare That is a GENIUS idea. I'll be using that.

Colby43443 · 01/12/2016 00:20

What kind of idiot wouldn't know what rsvp was?

MissVictoria · 01/12/2016 01:13

I actually don't know what rsvp stands for but know what it means.

CheshireDing · 01/12/2016 02:54

It's a French phrase basically saying "respond please" Repondez s'lil vous plait.

OP maybe just give them a piece of cake in the bag so the child gets something but you can hand it to the Parent saying "sorry I didn't know they were coming so there's only cake in the village" stare them out whilst looking regretful Grin

CheshireDing · 01/12/2016 02:55

I mean bag, not village !!

pitterpatterrain · 01/12/2016 03:18

Similar situation for me - 8 invites sent at nursery, no idea who the parents are - 2 replies. Completely unhelpful and I certainly cba to do that again. Like the idea of no party bags for those who haven't rsvp'd but tbh I had completely forgotten to sort party bags and probably won't bother given I have no idea about numbers

Not responding yes / no is just rude, with a mobile number and email, how hard is it

Already agree with DH the "oh what a surprise you could come.." approach as

VenusRising · 01/12/2016 03:49

Op you're beginning to sound very stressed. And a bit crazy tbh.

Just simmer down, it's just a party.

So what if you have to share out the bags, I'm sure you'll not want to be remembered as the mean mummy.

If you're really bothered, why don't you remind everyone by text to rsvp, and say a non reply implies non attendance. Sometimes real life gets in the way of replying to someone who is part time in nursery,s party, especially with lots of Christmassy events coming up.

Yes, it's frustrating, but Cool the jets! Your DD is four, not twenty one with a free bar. Birthday parties are fun. I suggest you chill out about it and not be remembered by your DDs school mates to be as the mean mummy who only had bags for half the kids, because she was trying to teach the parents a lesson.

Think long term. The kids won't forget how you treat them, and they'll be your DDs classmates for five long years.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 01/12/2016 03:57

I would have spare food that will keep in cupboards that you can pull out if surprise guests come

I wouldn't have extra party bags. It is wasteful to have extras that will get binned if they don't come. I'd say to the parent "I didn't know you were comimg so I haven't prepared a party bag - would your child like a piece of cake to take home though?'

sobeyondthehills · 01/12/2016 04:09

Just as a different twist on this, my DS got an invite on a Wednesday for the Saturday, reply was by Friday. I got myself into a panic, thinking thats not enough time to do anything. Handed the invite to my partner, who told me the invite was for the previous Saturday, we check his bookbag every day and there is no way we missed this invite.

I went and found the parent, when I picked DS up and explained that we hadn't received the invite till yesterday and was very sorry we hadn't responded.

5to2 · 01/12/2016 04:12

Just text them. People have other things going on in their lives or the invitation may have gone astray or they have just forgotten. I don't see why people start threads about non RSVPs, it's so easily fixable.

I don't reply for a bit as I genuinely don't know whether we're going to be free in a month's time.

ovenchips · 01/12/2016 04:36

Don't sweat the small stuff. Unfortunately, Everyone has this problem when organising parties. It's a vvvvv common scenario so why did you think it would be different for your Dd's party?Wink

Yes, it's a pain in the arse and yes it's rude not to RSVP, but getting mad and actually planning to 'punish' the children of the parents who haven't RSVPd is unnecessary and actually a bit unpleasant.

You have a choice in how you deal with this, I would say choose not to react badly to this very common but rude practice. Make plenty of food (leftovers are the best) and party bags (can even be re-used if not needed).

And most importantly, choose to look forward to and enjoy the special day, so you can remember it fondly, rather than it making your blood boil when you recollect it.

A party for your child, that they are going to love and adore and not be the slightest bit concerned about RSVPs/ lack thereof, is a precious and lovely thing.

itsawonderfulworld · 01/12/2016 09:05

In my experience No RSVP usually means they aren't coming so you can safely cater for just those who have confirmed. Personally I'd make up one or two spare party bags just in case, but no more. There will probably be one or two who don't turn up on the day too, due to illness etc.