To think the teacher shouldn't of said this

[Standingonmytippytoes]

So I have an autistic son he goes to nursery and for the first few months in fact up until 2 weeks ago nursery asked that a parent was with ds while he was there because he was having melt downs and I just don't think the teacher wanted to deal with him.

That's not the issue the issue is that between my self and dp we managed to take him on one occasion ds's teacher commented to dp that she was glad it was him there that day because ds behaves much better for him.

AIBU to think that wasn't her place to say and although I'm the first to admit ds behaves better for his dad than me I like to think it's because he can relax more with me and let his true self out it was a little out of line for her to comment on it.

At that time ds's dad and I were breaking up he was using every little thing against me and although she wasn't to know this surely she should of kept that to herself.

I'm fully aware I could get flamed for this but I just wanted outside opinions at the time I was considering speaking to the principle.

Perhaps I am being a little sensitive reading my op.

Sorry I think you are being over sensitive and unreasonable. She commented on a matter of fact - something that is true.

It was an inappropriate comment for her to make.

I hope things are better for you now 💐

I think it was an inappropriate comment too.

I think it's ok for the teacher to reflect on the fact that your ds behaves differently for one parent, if it's in an attempt to figure out what factors might contribute to his different behaviours. However she shouldn't have said she was "glad it was him" who was there that day. Remember though that if things are strained then your DP might be embellishing what was said.

Def an inappropriate thing to say

It very much depends on how she said it. It could have been a jokey comment that was throw away. If there was difficulty with your relationship he might have used the comment in a way far from how it was intended. Impossible to know without asking her.

Horrible thing to say.

Are you sure that is what she said, I assume it is your x who passed this on?

your ex will have exaggerated or even invented what she said or the context it was said in. It sounds like something he dreamt up to throw at you don't let him get to you xxx

"on one occasion ds's teacher commented to dp that she was glad it was him there that day because ds behaves much better for him. "

Two points:

1. You also said "I'm the first to admit ds behaves better for his dad than me " so this teacher had observed your son's behaviour correctly.

1. Given that "At that time ds's dad and I were breaking up he was using every little thing against me" , is it possible that he has twisted it somewhat? As in, he asked her a direct question 'does his behaviour differ depending on which of us is here with him?' and she responded 'he seems calmer when you are here'.? None of the 'glad it's you here today', that's his little twist of the knife to upset you as much as he can?

Yeah, did he tell you she said that or did she tell you she said that? Consider the source.

He's your ex, I wouldn't believe a word he says.

She shouldn't have said it but she probably didn't. Your ex could have manipulated the conversation or misrepresented it to you.

If the teacher knew you were in the middle of a split, it is hugely inappropriate.

Your strike through is correct, I would guess :)

My children are naughtier for me. It's normal.

-aShe shouldn't have said it but she probably didn't. Your ex could have manipulated the conversation or misrepresented it to you.

This.

Though you've admitted it's completely true-so I really wouldn't think too much about it. I doubt it happened like he's telling you it did!

The point is whether the teacher actually said this or not.

I don't think she should have said anything, but, as a matter of principle, I wouldn't have said anything to the principal about it, unless she kept saying it.
She was probably just thinking out loud, and she wouldn't have known about your problems. It was just a statement, probably by a tired person.
Do let it go.

I think it's highly unlikely that she actually said that.

It was unprofessional of her.
I'm more concerned for you that you are hanging onto this comment when by your admittance it happened a while ago. I do this and I know it isn't healthy to dwell on things/ comments others say so try to let it go. It is hard work looking after an autistic child( I have worked with them for years) and I would like it if you had some support so do seek some through your GP if you think you might have signs of depression starting. I mean this kindly. The winter can affect our moods and you have a break up and an autistic child to deal with as well. If dad is slinging mud as well take care of yourself sooner rather than later.
I have witnessed and supported mums before. Dads often seem to find it harder to accept their child's difficulties more than mums especially if it is a first child. Autistic children find nursery and school hard to cope with as the routines are different and can change. It often improves with time. If it is a LA nursery in school make sure your child's paperwork is started with the SENCO as he then may be offered support in Reception. It doesn't always follow that autistic children receive help. We had one child we tried and tried for but he didn't receive any extra support just the bit that school could afford to put in.

*shouldn't have