To want to tell my sister to shove off?

[GerardNoWay]

It's my mum's birthday in a couple of weeks and my sister has booked a table for a meal out.

She text me to say that she had booked the table at so and so restaurant at so and so time, could we come?

I reply to say that DD, who is 1, and I can come but OH can't as he is working.

She replies saying that she is concerned about me bringing DD as it will be busy and I won't enjoy myself and she's not sure about the crowd in the restaurant

My reply is simply: I don't have childcare, I either bring her or I don't come.

I'm so pissed off. I live a way away from my parents and her, so it's a trek for me to get there. I don't have access to childcare in the same way that she does. I'm horrified that she would suggest that I don't bring DD when that essentially rules out me coming? ? And she knows this!

I know it sounds petty but it's really irritated me! AiBU to tell her to shove it?

your sister has been a bit thoughtless, but sounds like she wants to treat your mum to something special.

can't she change it to the evening so she and your mum go out, and you all do a family meal at lunch at a place that's baby friendly?

Lots of restaurants say babies/young children very welcome until 6pm, after that, an adult/older child space. I think this is fair: lots of people will have moved heaven and earth to have an evening away from their little darlings, and would prefer not to have their civilised adult evening interrupted by other people's little darlings. Of course, your 1 year old might behave immaculately, or she might not. At that age, you can't predict, but you do know she might be a bit tired as the evening wears on, and therefore the likelihood of her being vocally pissed off is quite high, no?

You're spending the day and previous evening with your mum, so no-one is missing out on family time together on her birthday. So I don't think your sister is BU to arrange a more sophisticated adult evening out as part of the celebration. You could get a babysitter, or you could ask to share the arrangements your sister has made, but you don't want to. If you can't afford a meal out and a babysitter, well that's that anyway. You can't go, irrespective of the venue. Of course, if you are going to pay for a meal you can't really afford, then you may as well tap up the extra £30 - £40 for the babysitter. What's the difference?

Or, you say, sorry, can't afford meal and babysitter, but why don't you all come to our place for a family meal at home, children included, and that will be an extra celebration for mum's birthday? I'm a believer in celebrating birthdays often, over several occasions, because not people are different, have different ways of enjoying themselves and different schedules. It's hard work trying to arrange one thing that will suit everyone.

Anyway, enjoy your mum's birthday, whatever. Oh, and I think you would BU to tell your sister to shove off. Massive over-reaction.

I think you should miss the birthday meal and see your mam another time.A 1 year old in a restaurant can ruin the meal if they are in a bad mood.

Plus if i was to go out for a meal,after getting a babysitter and seeing your child there would ruin it for me.I would be waiting for the screaming and babbling.

And not everyone finds your child as adorable as you do.

A one year old should not be in a restaurant in the evening. There are others to consider, after all.

Obviously a baby disturbing anyone would be taken outside

Hahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha! Not always, and not obvious either!

Sorry, still think you're being precious insisting on taking your DD everywhere with you. If you can afford the meal and a sitter, then go. If you can't afford the meal and a sitter, then don't go. Simple.

If it's a non-child friendly restaurant then it's a non-child friendly restaurant. That is what she has organised. My sister is just like you. Apparently the world stopped, shifted and started revolving around her when she had a child.

"willconcern

Obviously a baby disturbing anyone would be taken outside

Hahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha! Not always, and not obvious either!

Sorry, still think you're being precious insisting on taking your DD everywhere with you. If you can afford the meal and a sitter, then go. If you can't afford the meal and a sitter, then don't go. Simple."

Agreed. The baby/young child is not always taken out by a parent. Some people even allow their children to cry during other people's weddings so what hope is there in a restaurant.

FWIW I thinks she is out of line too.

For something liek this you'd generally look to book something everyone can do, and check availability first!

I get the sense that your Sis is dping this for her, not your Mum

Well the op could have organised the birthday dinner,after all she will be up there the day before.

I don't get it. Just take your baby. Your sister doesn't own the restaurant, the meal or your mum's birthday. She suggested it wasn't a good idea to take your child, you have no alternative so just take her. Can you get her to have a late nap so she won't be tired in the evening?

I don't think YABU. SIL is like this. She tries to arrange stuff, doesn't ask what would suit us (only ones with a kid that side of the family) but has a fit if we say we can't come! I've never worked out if it's deliberate or thoughtless but it drives me mad!

In your position I would explain it's both of you or neither. If she says it's not suitable for DD, can do go somewhere else? If she won't budge, make your own plans with your Mum.

Brilliant username OP

I think you should totally ignore your sister - who made her the boss of everything? She isn't hosting so she doesn't get to tell you whether or not you can take your child to the restaurant.

OP I'd be pissed off. Because i'd assume that my DM wanted to celebrate her birthday with everyone including me and my DC (fyi that's what my DM always says). So I'd also assume the restaurant would be child friendly and not too late/or lunchtime.
If my sibling booked it as a childfree night out then I'd be pissed off that a) she didn't say that up front b) my DM wants otherwise (based on my experience) c) that I live far away and want to make the most of my time with DM.

Didn't realise this was still going on!

In response to a few comments...

I'm not being precious nor do I insist on taking DD everywhere. In an ideal world if I could get childcare this wouldn't be an issue. It would be lovely to have a child free evening.

My problem is, I wasn't even asked. Had the meal been planned for later my OH could have babysat while I went. I wasn't given any chance to explain this, just told the meal was at X time could we come.

Perhaps I am sensitive but I'm not precious. I actually really, really would like to go and don't want to miss out. The fact is pure and simple I don't have childcare and I do feel pushed out because I know how difficult it could be considering the time (5pm) and the fact DD is only 1 and doesn't always sit still!

So, we are not going. That is that