To find pregnancy so hard even after infertility heartbreak

[calmingthoughts]

So I know I am being unreasonable. But after struggling for so long to get pregnant (years of monthly heartbreak, being told it wouldn't happen for us without medical intervention, followed by what felt like a miracle conception), I am finding pregnancy so so hard.

I am now 38 weeks so not long to go, but it has been 9 months of sickness and pain. I was sick regularly until around 24 weeks when it eased off a little, I've had hip pain since the beginning. I'm enormous (measuring big) and uncomfortable and now I have carpal tunnel syndrome which I never even knew was a pregnancy thing and I just can't believe how bad it is. The other day I woke myself up from a nap (napping is essential because of pregnancy insomnia) by heartburn making me sick in my mouth.

I'm sick of this and I feel so so guilty for even complaining on here anonymously because we are so grateful to even be in this position.

I don't complain in real life (except to long-suffering dh), as I just can't be that person who moans about being pregnant when I know how hard it is for those who can't conceive. But honestly I feel wretched at times.

I realise this is definitely more of a rant than a true AIBU but thank god for mumsnet and an anonymous forum where I can offload.

Please don't feel bad OP, you are allowed to moan just as much as someone who got pregnant easily, the manner it happened doesn't matter. I understand you not doing it with people in real life as some do feel differently.. Pregnancy can be hard and yours sounds really, really tough! I'm glad the end is in sight for you and imagine the relief you will feel when these symptoms disappear

And everyone feels differently about staying at home all the time with the baby, I hate that people judge on this. I stayed home and I loved it, but that's me.. and that is judged too. It is not wrong to still want a career you've worked hard for.. You will still see baby lots and probably appreciate the time you have together more.

Pregnancy is tough for lots of us. As is child rearing in different ways. Though in some ways I'm glad it took so long to get pregnant because sometimes what made it bearable was knowing I really, really wanted this baby.

And so far every day has had at least one wonderful moment with them (age 8 and 5).

I loved returning to work too - the joy of going to the loo by myself, a slow cup of coffee, and adult conversations not about children! There was a fair bit of swinging from feeling I had it all to feeling I was cocking up both work and parenting, and back again, but I've felt the same not working too!

If it helps I found pregnancy utterly miserable. Sick every single day, carpal tunnel, sore ribs (my rib cage never went back down to its original size), varicose veins, constipation, face pain etc etc. You name any minor but unpleasant symptom and I had it.

The only consolation was that labour was a quick 6 hours for number one and a mere 3 hours for number 2

I started the day really miserable, and am pleased to say that I'm now in a slightly better place. Still enormous, heartburny, CTS still a problem, but I've had a message from my lovely caring DH checking how I'm doing, and all of these posts from mumsnetters who know what I'm going through and have reassured me that sometimes it gets easier, and when it doesn't that it's ok to vent.

I honestly can't tell you the boost you've given me today, thank you, all of you.

I had IVF after fertility problems. I found the whole process of trying to get pregnant had overshadowed the fact that this meant that there was going to be a baby at the end of it! I ended up having twins, and I found the idea that there were two humans wriggling about inside me quite revolting . I was huge, had awful SPD and carpel tunnel. I just wanted to get the aliens out of me! When they were born I initially looked at them and thought "what have we done"...

All this despite the fact that they were desperately wanted, and we went through a lot to get pregnant with them! They're older now and of course I adore them and wouldn't be without them.

Don't feel guilty OP, it's great to have a place to be honest and share your feelings. I hope the baby arrives soon.

Pregnancy had been horrendous for me. And it sucks feeling like you can't complain because you 'chose' this to happen (I chose to have a baby! Not to feel worse than I've ever felt and have stays in hospital, etc), or because 'it will be worth it' (things could still go wrong...), or 'you should be grateful' (I'll be grateful for the baby, do I have to be grateful for the nine months of misery?), and 'other women have it worse' (yes, lucky me with not puking as much as some women, but not so lucky compared with the few who don't get sick at all), and 'some women would give anything to swap places with you' (yes, but if they had the choice I think they'd swap with the woman with the easy pregnancy, not the exhausting, physically injuring one).

I have noticed a number of women suddenly confiding in me how much they hated pregnancy if I admit how bad its been. It's like a secret club.

I still have more than three months to go. I cry when I think of it. I want my body back. I want to have the energy to move. I want to enjoy eating. I want to sleep. I want to lie flat. I want scientists to invent artificial wombs so I don't have to do this again.

I'm sorry it's been crappy for you too, op. Moan all you like.

Moan away! We went through 4 years of infertility and IVF with 3 losses before we got our little girl. I hated most of the pregnancy and tbh I wasn't a massive fan of the newborn stage. The stats show that women who have IVF are more likely to get post-natal depression and personally I think that might have a basis in the whole feeling like you shouldn't complain because you've finally got what you wanted. But it doesn't make a shitty pregnancy any easier, it just means that you bottle up the feelings more.

I felt the same and felt so bloody guilty about it.
we tried for 2 and a half years. I had hyperemesis Gravidum and the couldn't walk from 20 weeks culminating in a week long labour resulting in a section and a shattered pelvis!!!
its only natural after all this time to want to enjoy it and when its a bit crappy its really upsetting.

YANBU. I struggled to get pregnant with my first and then had horrendous pregnancy sickness which lasted until he was born. Three subsequent pregnancies were not much better. Hope you have a trouble free birth to make p for a bad pregnancy.

I am so grateful to be pregnant and DP and I are really looking forward to having our daughter and starting a family.

However, being pregnant is absolutely awful and your post is just crying out for me to join in with a good old moan!. Constant sickness (32 weeks and counting), nipple pain, can't get comfortable at night, breathlessness, exhaustion and generally not feeling great AND I can't even say I'm having a particularly difficult pregnancy. All the midwives appointments say things are going well, no concerns, everything is low risk. Still sucks and I am really looking forward to not being pregnant!!!

So if you're unreasonable then I am unreasonable too!

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and that you start feeling much better when your LO arrives - not long to go now!

Roo

Pregnancy is horrendous - i feel the urge to physicalky attack all the people going on how great pregnancy is ( glowing, beautful bump, "you'll get pampered by everybody"). mostly coming from men or 20 somethings with no kids.
well, i'm spotty, look like a beached whale, feel as if i've swallowed a pumpkin whole, and have a full time job and a toddler, so no pampering.
You are normal i would say. i din't complain loudly though - but maybe not complaining is bu!

Pregnancy is tough more often than not, and people can be very unsympathetic when it is difficult. The same for birth, and babies who are not "good".

From conception or trying to conceive, it is one big guilt trip and worry fest, I'm assuming for ever because my mum is still fretting about if I have credit on my phone 15 years after I had a contract!

It is easy for pregnancy and parenting to be rose tinted in the way it's portrayed, and you go into it knowing its uncomfortable, complicated, exhausting etc, but it is different to the relentless reality of living through it.

From people I know, I suspect that the guilt and worry levels would be higher for people who've had a difficult time to get to the stage of finally having their baby. Wanting it desperately doesn't make a practical difference in easing the difficulties.

Vent away OP and anyone else who needs to, and I wish you all the best

YANBU. At all.

There's a bit of a mentality, on here at least, with some posters still TTC, that even complaining a bit about your pregnancy/child is "rubbing it in". It's massively unhelpful to people in your situation.

Of course you can complain, because it is awful a lot of the time.
But someone will come on frothing that you're cruel and discriminating people with fertility problems.

Congratulations, btw!
Go easy on yourself.