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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DD is never going to be able to drive!?

52 replies

hippopt · 28/11/2016 18:10

DD has been coming out with me all year (turned 18 yesterday) so been doing it 11 months, she still can't drive forward. She just keeps stalling the car. She has moved a couple of times but that's about it. 11 months!!!

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 28/11/2016 18:12

YABU
Try some professional lessons. I'd that fails she might do better in an automatic.

Mymothersdaughter · 28/11/2016 18:12

Ahhh! It took me 11 months with lessons every week and practice with my mum almost everyday. One day it just 'clicked' and suddenly I was ready for my test and passed first time. It just takes time for some people i guess!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/11/2016 18:12

My advice is send her out with a professional. Not everybody 'gets it' the minute they sit behind a wheel and I think that if you're one of those people then lessons with a parent can be counterproductive.

A few lessons could make all the difference - and then she can go out with you.

hippopt · 28/11/2016 18:15

If she can't even move forward, how is a professional going to help?

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 28/11/2016 18:18

Because maybe a fresh pair of hands might be the best thing for her. Being in a car with a professional with dual controls, experience and a calming manner might be the thing that gives her enough confidence for it to all click together. Don't be so hard on her.

lastqueenofscotland · 28/11/2016 18:18

Because they will actually have been trained in how to help people Hmm

BarbarianMum · 28/11/2016 18:18

A professional will hopefully be able to teach her how to control the clutch. Or like I said - book lessons in an automatic.

ByeByeLilSebastian · 28/11/2016 18:18

Someone else might put a bit more pressure on her to get it right, especially if she's paying for it.

Fwiw it took me nearly 2 years to learn and that was lessons every week. It finally clicked and now I love whizzing around.

What is it she doesn't get? There must be something blocking her from doing it

TwentyCups · 28/11/2016 18:19

Definitely get a driving instructor. I found it really stressful when family took me out to practice. A driving instructor will always have seen someone worse which made me feel better!

alltouchedout · 28/11/2016 18:20

The difference in being taught by an experienced driver and an experienced driving instructor is huge.

alfagirl73 · 28/11/2016 18:20

Get her professional lessons; if that doesn't work on its own, get her driving an automatic (removes the stalling issue) - once she is familiar with actually driving, has passed her test and is confidently driving herself, she can have some extra lessons and upgrade her licence to a manual if she feels it's necessary/she wants to.

LineyReborn · 28/11/2016 18:22

I would book her a trial lesson in an automatic and see how she gets on.

grobagsforever · 28/11/2016 18:24

Get her some lessons in an automatic! I am only qualified to drive an automatic it's no big deal. Doesn't matter if your family car is manual - she's learning a life skills and she can save up and buy her own car once she's passed!

Lunde · 28/11/2016 18:24

Would she do better to try an automatic at a driving school?

19lottie82 · 28/11/2016 18:25

I agree, book her 5 lessons with a professional instructor and see how she gets on.

PurpleWithRed · 28/11/2016 18:28

With the greatest of respect, unless you are a driving instructor if you haven't managed to get her driving forwards in 11 months you have to consider that you may not be the best teacher for her.

WLF46 · 28/11/2016 18:28

She needs a few lessons with a professional, if she then still can't move forward without stalling then maybe she really isn't cut out for it (at the moment, anyway).

It might be your teaching. It might be your car. It might be her. At the minute it could be any of these things, so a few lessons with a professional instructor in their car should be enough to tell whether it is one of the first two things, or the third.

Like others have said, for some people it eventually just "clicks". With me, I had ten months of weekly lessons with one instructor and failed my test (deservedly!). I changed my instructor, the first lesson out he watched me drive for half an hour, then spent five minutes imitating my "style" - this was something the first instructor never did, and instantly I made more progress in that first lesson than in the ten months with the previous man.

It is good that you have shown the patience to give her lessons so regularly, but there is something missing at the moment. Give her a few lessons with a professional and then you (and more importantly, she) will know whether it is worth pursuing further.

Jackiebrambles · 28/11/2016 18:29

God I would have loathed to be taught by a parent. Pay a professional!

MrsJayy · 28/11/2016 18:32

Blimey get her a driving instructer why wouldnt you ? She obviously hasnt the confidence with you teaching her

Fairylea · 28/11/2016 18:32

She needs proper driving lessons. They know how to teach people. It's what they do!

It took me till the age of 30 and 60 hours of lessons, 1 intensive weeks course and failing 3 times before I passed. I love driving now! Been driving nearly 7 years now.

She will do it if she wants to.

JenLindleyShitMom · 28/11/2016 18:34

11 months under your instruction and she can't move forward? Suspect it isn't her that is the problem.

hippopt · 28/11/2016 18:38

She keeps taking her foot of the gas whenever she moves!!

OP posts:
GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 28/11/2016 18:39

She needs proper lessons, if that fails an automatic

P1nkP0ppy · 28/11/2016 18:40

It definitely isn't her that's the problem, you're the one teaching her!
She needs a driving instructor with dual controlled car, a course of lessons (generally one per year of her age) and a copy of the Highway Code. She also needs to swot up for the written test that has to be passed before you take the practical test.

StarryIllusion · 28/11/2016 18:40

Not learning from you, she won't. It is ridiculously difficult to learn clutch control from a parent. When you do it with an instructor, they have dual controls and can prevent the car from stalling. I was exactly like this and as soon as I started with a proper instructor, I was making progress. When they press the dual clutch, your clutch moves. So when she dipped it slightly to prevent me stalling, I could actually feel where she held it (slightly lower than where I held it) and that made it easier. The car makes a difference as well. The friend I was learning from had a really fancy, expensive car and it had the pissiest clutch I've ever seen. The width of a cd in movement could stall the fucker. My instructor had a reliable little ford and let me tell you that was one very forgiving car. I could tootle along at my happy little 22 miles an hour in 3rd gear without a single judder.

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