To not write the letter

[blacksheep2014]

My brother broke into my home last year. He caused damage to my car, stole my ipad, my partners watch, our passports and some other stuff. He also smashed our bedroom window with a golf club. About £1000 worth in total.

He has long standing drug addiction issues which have led to mental health issues and he's been treated in hospital 3 times, once for nearly 5 months as an inpatient. He doesn't have a diagnosis beyond drug induced psychosis.

My mum has kept in contact with him over the past year, supporting him financially on a small scale but mainly daily phone calls and emotional support. As he's been on bail all this time with the condition of no contact I haven't spoken to him. My mum has always said that a condition of her support is that he plead guilty at the next opportunity so we dont have to have a trial, where I would be cited as a witness.

He has a pre trial hearing on Wednesday. My mum has asked me to write a letter to the court explaining that I forgive him and that he was mentally ill at the time of his.crime. Apparently he and his lawyer need this letter...

The goalposts have moved. If I dont write the letter he's going to plead not guilty. My mum is refusing for there to be any consequences for my brother in terms of their relationship if he does this. Saying she is supporting both of us and won't chose between her children.

There's a huge backstory of my brothers antics and we've always tried to keep my relationships with my parents really seperate and not defined by the chaos he brings. I don't fall out with my parents over him and I've, up until last year, had a big role in the practicalities of keeping him safe. This isn't about resentment.

I feel like to write the letter would be to hand control back to him. He has never faced the consequences of anything in his life. He's in his late 20s now and has had issues surrounding drugs for the last 14 years. As a family I feel we enable him and to that end I dont want to write the letter. I really worry about the consequences for mine and mums relationship tho

AIBU?

Does your mum know witness intimadtion is a serious crime? She's asking you to perjure yourself by offering false mitigation for your drug addled brother. I'd not write the letter.

You're unlikely to be called as a witnes in a burglary case. They'll use your written testimony in normal circumstances.

I'd write the letter

What were the terms of his bail exactly? If there was a 'no contact' bail condition then look at the wording.

We usually word it as "no contact, direct or indirect" with x. If that is the wording then he has broken bail conditions by contacting you via your mum and you should report it.

It will be in magistrates first but domestic burglary will often go to Crown court. The first hearing in any case will just be him giving a guilty or not guilty plea. If he pleads guilty they will ask for reports from probation before sentencing. If he pleads not guilty then a date for trial will be set.

Even if a date for trial is set, often trials breakdown on the first day if the defendant changes his/her plea so you may not have to give evidence.

Even if you do have to give evidence, then to be honest no it isn't a pleasant experience but it isn't as bad as you may think.

Good luck but do not sign the letter unless you mean what you write. In fact the CPS should ask you to give a victim impact statement to help with sentencing (although in reality this isn't always done). You can ask to do one though if you haven't been asked.

The mother isn't witness tampering. Witness tampering involves intimidation, and saying you will continue to support your drug addicted son even if he doesn't plead guilty as previously agreed does not amount to intimidating the OP, however ill advised the mum's action may be on an enabling addiction level.

It could be considered attempting to pervert the course of justice to get the OP to write something untrue. Except that, I'm sure, the mother is hoping the letter will be true. That her daughter will forgive her son, that there is hope she can have a family that gets on well and is loving and supportive. She may be doing it badly, and be on track to create exactly the opposite situation, but I doubt that's what she's thinking.

She's probably pigeon-holed the OP as the capable, withit, grown up sibling who doesn't need her in the same way and her son as the lost sheep that everyone else needs to support. It's not good, but I think a lot of parents fall into that dysfunctional dynamic when there is such a discrepancy between their kids.

It must be pretty heart breaking to have an addicted child. Of the things we do for our children, living in denial of the futility of our actions to change or help them when they are hurting is probably pretty common. And that may well blind her to the OP's need for a similar sign of commitment and support.

I'd write a letter and make it clear that at no point had he made any attempt to put right the heinous abuse of trust and betrayal he'd shown you.

Your mum has a lot to answer for. By not supporting you she's absolutely choosing him.

Please distance yourself from the lot of them

You have some very sensible, sensitive and well thought through reasons not to write the letter, so please don't. It is the right thing. If you are called to be a witness, speak your truth - I have no doubt that you'll be able to navigate that even though it will be horrible.

Koala can I ask why, and what you'd say?
Op I agree with those saying that your mum by asking you to do this is effectively taking sides and her loyalties clearly lie with your brother. I also agree with the poster who noted how articulate you are and clear in your original post.
I think for the benefit of your own sanity you need to tell your mum that you aren't comfortable doing as she has requested and ask that you hear no more of it. Ask also if she would feel you need to forgive the same crime if committed by a stranger. My feeling is she would be far more determined that they see the full force of the law, drug and mh issues or none. Her blurred lines are coming from it being a child she gave life to that did the crime. She may forgive his crimes and problems but you don't have to feel or do the same.
Good luck. Awful position to be put in.

I didnt write the letter. He pleaded not guilty. Some legal wrangling over him changing lawyers and the old lawyer having the CCTV disk means that the trial won't be until the new year. The wheels of justice turn so slowly in this country that are borderline in reverse.

My mum has chosen to support him which means a period of no contact...for my mental health more than anything. Thank you to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts.

OP I've just reported your post as you've named your brother, which I'm sure was an oversight. Sorry you are going through so a challenging time.