To wonder how this could possibly have offended DH?

[SidseBabettKnudsen]

DH had his work do a couple of weeks ago - no wives which didn't bother me as I couldn't have gone anyway due to childcare for our two SN DC.

I was chatting on the net to a couple of friends of mine, also mums who are full-time carers to SN DC who don't get out much and mentioned it. We jokingly suggested that we should have our own "work xmas do", which in the end boiled down to us planning to go out for lunch together at some point on a weekday when our kids are at school.

Told DH about it yesterday and he was really annoyed with me. He thought it was really offensive to him that I had told my friends he had gone out without me, and that I had implied to them that he doesn't consider what I do to be work by calling it a "work xmas do" as a joke.

DH doesn't really like me chatting to these friends online, if I'm honest. He often makes little barbed remarks about it, but these women have been a lifeline to me, so I'm not going to stop. I don't get out much and all my non-SN friends have faded away really. DH himself works long hours and a lot of evenings until very late at night sometimes, and I miss adult conversation and these women really "get it".

But he thinks we sit around slagging our husbands off, I think. Which we have actually never done. I offered for him to read our conversation to see for himself, but he turned me down.

So AIBU and insulting to him by arranging a "work xmas do" when it technically isn't? After he said this it kind of soured our day and I am still cross with him, which he noticed and asked me why I was "in a mood", which he knows I hate.

Gosh, he sounds like quite the cock.

See, Cotswold, I think that's worse. He's being petulant and imagining those mean ladies saying mean things about poor little him.

Coz it's all about him.

She didn't say that, he's putting words into her mouth and trying to keep her away from her support network. "He doesn't like me talking online to these women".

What right-thinking spouse wouldn't say "great idea!"

You're not in paid employment, but you DO work, and bloody hard I expect. It angers me that an awful lot of partners/husbands think that because you don't receive a salary you're not entitled to any time off or respite, you're not a robot, you need a break too...

The fact he doesn't like you talking to the only friends you have makes him sound controlling and he likes you isolated at home. I'd be arranging a drunken night out with him looking after the kids, why not. Doesn't have to be a lunch. I'm a SAHM to 2 children who are at school and I have a Christmas night out each year with mums from school, it's called 'Year X mums night out', not a big deal what the hell it's called tbh and yours definitely isn't. Caring for children with SN must be a hard job so of course it can be called a work thing.

I suspect his attitude stems from the fact he doesn't want you socialising with these women in the first place, and that's makes him a total cock.

Well Uterus, on the info we have it does seem to be the fact that he went out that has triggered the arrangement of the lunch as the OP doesn't say it was discussed beforehand. As I said I think it's a great idea to meet up and with three people it could be more convenient for any one of them to meet in the day rather than the evening*. We'll have to wait for the OP to fill in more details if she wants to (have you met up in person with the other mums before, OP?). I don't think the OP is BU.

*As a SAHM myself with a DH that works slightly unpredictable hours, arranging to meet anyone outside of school hours is a tricky prospect. I am possibly the only person who is thrilled that his company has drastically reduced any long distance travel recently