To wonder how this could possibly have offended DH?

[SidseBabettKnudsen]

DH had his work do a couple of weeks ago - no wives which didn't bother me as I couldn't have gone anyway due to childcare for our two SN DC.

I was chatting on the net to a couple of friends of mine, also mums who are full-time carers to SN DC who don't get out much and mentioned it. We jokingly suggested that we should have our own "work xmas do", which in the end boiled down to us planning to go out for lunch together at some point on a weekday when our kids are at school.

Told DH about it yesterday and he was really annoyed with me. He thought it was really offensive to him that I had told my friends he had gone out without me, and that I had implied to them that he doesn't consider what I do to be work by calling it a "work xmas do" as a joke.

DH doesn't really like me chatting to these friends online, if I'm honest. He often makes little barbed remarks about it, but these women have been a lifeline to me, so I'm not going to stop. I don't get out much and all my non-SN friends have faded away really. DH himself works long hours and a lot of evenings until very late at night sometimes, and I miss adult conversation and these women really "get it".

But he thinks we sit around slagging our husbands off, I think. Which we have actually never done. I offered for him to read our conversation to see for himself, but he turned me down.

So AIBU and insulting to him by arranging a "work xmas do" when it technically isn't? After he said this it kind of soured our day and I am still cross with him, which he noticed and asked me why I was "in a mood", which he knows I hate.

Talk - sorry

Im having a similar Christmas get together lunch on a weekday. Were having all you can eat. Im really looking forward to it.

I have two kids, one with SN. I have multiple Xmas get togethers (class parents nights out, book group, old friends etc etc). I would never stop my Dh from going on his (also multiple) nights out and he positively encourages me to do the same. My Dh works long hours and needs the break and chance to chat - so do I.
I am afraid that your DH doesnt appreciate what you do for your family and/or doesnt want you to have a chance to compare notes with others.

Sounds like my ex. EVERYTHING was about him.

I stopped telling him stuff in the end.

Now I tell him fuck all because I divorced him.

It's lovely.

He's controlling. I bet he huffs and puffs about this right up till it's time to go and then if you don't cancel (and you'd better not!) he will be moody about it even afterwards. Controlling people don't like their significant other getting support elsewhere, it's out of their control and makes them feel uncomfortable and agitated hence his moaning about your on line friends.

What a selfish twat .

No, Op, YANBU at all .

Honestly some "men"

Go and have a lovely time. Don't become socially isolated.

He's being a twat, and a jealous twat at that. Perhaps he'd like to swap jobs with you?

Make it a proper Christmas do with the online mums. Meet at 4, wear a Christmas jumper, start drinking. Small meal of dry turkey and 3 sprouts, followed by plum pudding. Drink some more. Go to a karaoke bar, then a nightclub. Roll on at 2am, song on your lips, shoes in your hand, wearing antlers and holding a garlicky kebab.

I don't see why it ruffled his feathers either or why he makes snide remarks about your friends. I would wonder why he feels sure a simple lunch out originates from you complaining unjustly to the others when it's the time of year any friends and colleagues might seize a chance to socialise.

DH doesn't really like me chatting to these friends online, if I'm honest. He often makes little barbed remarks about it, but these women have been a lifeline to me, so I'm not going to stop. I don't get out much and all my non-SN friends have faded away really.

So despite knowing you have hardly any other adult companionship - he's still trying to isolate you?

How come your non-SN friends have 'faded away'? Most people stay in touch via phone/email despite not regularly meeting up.

Tell DH that you feel offended that he doesn't what you do as 'work'.
Tell him you're offended and hurt that he doesn't give a shit about about your wellbeing.

*consider

I can't imagine my DH even noticing if I went out for a 'Xmas do' with friends.

Sorry no point trying to work out why he is being like this, I already know... he is being a controlling dick head... you can tell him we all said so he will love that lol

Haha 80's waistcoat ... made me giggle - I used to get a little upset that my partner didn't get jealous or care if I went out. Now im so glad when I see how some of my friends boyfriends / husbands react .

SO, he hasn't actually said anything negative about the actual meal and arrangement. Is he happy for you to go?

I think YvaineStormhold nailed it. He can't seem to get over the fact that it doesn't revolve around him, and he's seemingly paranoid overly sensitive about how he's portrayed to others.

But he thinks we sit around slagging our husbands off, I think - why on earth would he think that? Is that what he does with his friends/colleagues - sit around slagging their wives off?

Controlling and unpleasant.

YANBU.

Enjoy your lunch. Have wine. And several desserts.

paxillin - You are my spirit (party) animal!

What a fruit. Why does he care? Does he object to the idea that what you do at home is work? Probably pp are right and he is just feeling guilty. Tell him to sod off.

I agree with CryingShame OP, because on the off-chance that you haven't married and had children with someone with so little regard for you that others call him a 'dick', this is something for you and he to resolve.

I agree that a proper night out with your friends would be fabulous for you if you'd like that. I'm not going to join in the 'dick' chorus as that can't be very nice for you to hear from people who really don't know the situation BUT it will be his response to your arranging a night out that will be indicative of the person that he is.

I am still cross with him, which he noticed and asked me why I was "in a mood", which he knows I hate.

Did he throw that over his shoulder as he left the house so whichever way you replied you didn't have time to discuss this?

He sounds exhausting. Whether you have kids/job or not, he sounds like a drama queen and who needs to be double guessing everything they say and do for fear of upsetting someone so over sensitive? Tell him to piss off and find something better to do with his time than invent problems.

Hold on to your pitchforks for a moment, posters of MN - the OP said that her DH was bothered because he felt she had implied that he didn't consider what she did as work, not that he'd said she didn't work hard!

OP, I would certainly go for your lovely lunch (or dinner, if that's what you decide). It seems to be the billing as a 'works' do that has triggered your DH's what I suspect is guilt over the situation, now I'm not sure why he feels he has been portrayed to the t'internet as an unappreciative, backsliding gadabout but I am wondering if an unknown third party has said something to him about it (eg him working long hours and you doing everything for the children) and he is feeling a bit sensitive about it?