To wish people would stop ordering people to volunteer on Christmas Day

[throughthedeepdarkwoods]

When people say they are alone for Christmas they are often referring to the full festive period.

Volunteering is a good thing to suggest but it may be impractical, impossible or it may just make people miserable on a day they already find tough.

Can we tactically agree to stop flinging it out as the solution to end all solutions for every conceivable Christmas woe?

It's the busiest time for volunteers, too. You have to join a ballot round here to see if you can do Christmas. It's packed! Lots of people want to volunteer then.

I think it's one of those things someone will always suggest though. It makes them feel like they've given a proper potential solution and everyone likes to feel like they've helped!

I started a thread in Christmas asking for coping strategies for Christmas day. The posters that suggested volunteering also said they would be thinking of me, I felt touched tbh.

Suggesting volunteering is giving someone a focus that the day could turn into a positive/productive experience, which is a mindset that someone needs if they're already in a bad situation.

Yanbu

I'm spending Christmas alone and no intention of volunteering. I don't drive which limits places I can get to as no buses or trains on Christmas Day and I'm not willing to pay 3x usual cost of a taxi to volunteer

I do volunteer all year round btw

Yes, either not driving or not having access to a car was one of the major problems i was thinking of!

There's no actual harm in it but it does tend to be blithely trotted out as the solution to end all solutions for Christmas loneliness.

You have to sign up really early if you plan to volunteer. I'm doing it this year and will have to attend an induction day beforehand as well. Unlike most years the prospect of being on my own won't apply.

I don't recall anyone "ordering" people to volunteer either.

ilovesooty - so sorry, I don't fully understand the final sentence of your 19:08 post. Could you clarify? :)

Yes, 'order' was a poor choice of words but I suppose I am thinking of when someone's poured their heart out for several paragraphs and get a curt response of 'volunteer somewhere'!

YABU, I think. It isn't something that many people will think of and for some people looking outward instead of focusing on their own loneliness is a solution to it. For others it won't be, but if everyone stops suggesting it, then for the people who it really is a solution, it will be gone.

And what's the alternative, for people to suck their teeth and say 'aye you're right, it sucks and there's nowt you can do about it'?

Perhaps the real solution is for people to be able to openly say at the beginning of their post whether they are posting for a moan and empathy, or whether they want the situation to actively change. For most people, barring a miraculous swap in circumstances, that will mean a gradual shift in behaviours and lifestyle.

I know what you mean. When I did the Samaritans there were loads of volunteers for Christmas Day.

It's a suggestion, not an order! Usually offered amongst other suggestions like clubs, holidays etc.

Yanbu, not sure why spending Xmas with strangers is better than having it alone really

Sometimes it's phrased a bit as an order though!

I meant that for once, because I'm volunteering I won't feel isolated.

Matching I don't know how much experience you have of being alone at Christmas but I fully expect it to be an improvement.

I don't think I've ever seen it phrased as an order.
I think YABU if you expect people not to offer it as a possible option.

I see - apologies; I've slept awfully this weekend! I see what you mean now.

I hope you have a great day

Thank you. I'm volunteering with a similar client group to the one I work with and think I'll enjoy it.

Oh it's an option, definitely. I just feel a little sensitive about it as I'd like a whine/cry about it all but I don't want to in turn look like I'm knocking back lots of suggestions.

Oh I fairly liked it. Just lazed around and ate whatever I wanted. Bit sad but it's just a day

One of the things I find tricky is that the build up for me ends prematurely so I often find the whole period from the 23rd-ish right through till NY is very isolated. Obviously no ones fault but it just is.

How many times have you done it? Out of necessity I mean?

YANBU

I think these attempts at 'practical' solutions often dismiss the OP's concerns. Most people know that they could volunteer but doing that won't stop someone waking up alone or having no gifts or having no one to share a special meal with.

Sometimes people just need some sympathy and someone to listen, not just the same old trite crap peddled out again and again.

Volunteering anywhere might be fulfilling or a distraction but it's not the same as a family Christmas Day.

At least I can go back to work before New Year. I don't mind a couple of days off.

Yes, you've explained that well, playmobil

I find it fascinating that there is a massive waiting list to volunteer on Christmas Day. Does this mean there are a lot of unhappy, lonely people looking for something to do? It shows just what an over-hyped holiday this has become.

I borrowed someone's dog last year. Unfortunately she isn't going away this year