I am desperate for help.
My Daughter recently started going out with a group of new friends after turning 18yrs old. We were pleased because she hasn't had any good friends throughout her school life, and now she's out with friends who are aged up to 24. She started staying over one of the friends flat over the weekends and all was ok for a while (because I thought they were all just friends).
We have always been very open with both children and we are a very close family. My Daughter has talked to us about everything - ALWAYS; but the latest developments are a parents worse nightmare, and I am honestly beside myself as to what to do.
She was a virgin, but she's told us that she's been sleeping with her bi-sexual boyfriend for about a month. She says she's in love with him one week, but the next week she's in bits because he doesn't treat her nicely. He has admitted that he cannot show her affection; he cannot hold her hand in public or show her any affection outside; he hasn't spent a penny on her when they're all out (because he only does a few measley hours in a supermarket & has no money!), yet she spends all her money on cabs to his flat, cabs back, bottles of drink, she even has to buy her own food because he cooks himself dinner and eats it in front of her, without even asking if she wants anything!!
She's told us that They have sex almost every time and believes she's in love - despite him treating her like a dog....although, he'd probably feed a dog! We recently found out that he smokes dope every day, and he's even got her smoking it now!
She has asked us for our help to get her out of the relationship with him a couple of times (which we have), but has always gone back to him. It's been truly awful here for the last 6 weeks. We even changed her mobile number and blocked her internet access, which she agreed to. She's been in tears because she's so confused, we've been in tears because we're trying to get her to understand that the way he's treating her and the sexual things he is suggesting that he's going to do to her (I'll leave that to your imagination!) and to be honest, I am honestly struggling to cope.
Another friend (boy) who she hadn't seen for a few years got in touch recently and suggested they go out for a catch up (just someone she'd quite liked when they worked together 2yrs ago)...he treated her like a Queen and she came back ecstatic, on cloud 9. She thought about it all night, comparing the 2 and was thrilled to tell us that she knows the bi-sexual relationship is wrong,my hat she's being used! We were so happy. An hour later (because the bi-sexual boyfriend keeps texting her lovey, dovey crap) she is back in love with the other one!!
We have said that if she is choosing the bi-sexual one, that now we know that they are over there smoking drugs, she cannot stay overnight there anymore! She lost the plot, said she was an adult and could do what she wanted, but we asked her what decent parents would want their 18yr old Daughter sleeping round a pig sty, getting drunk and smoking drugs??!!
AIBU?? She said that we are dead to her; that we interfere with her life all the time (yet she always NEEDS us to get her out of situations!); that she'd rather leave home.....it was awful yesterday. She hasn't spoken to us since the argument yesterday morning and went out at 10am this morning- she's still not home. We know that she's with her (girl)friend who absolutely agrees with everything we have said and is trying to help her see sense about the way the bi-sexual boyfriend is treating her.
But please tell me if our feelings are irrational!! Are we supposed to leave her to get on with whatever she wants, even though we know she's going round there and they're smoking drugs??! We are pulling our hair out with stress!!
I'm sorry if this post is too long 😥😥