To want to decorate my own Xmas tree?

[1t6y9o]

DH and I moved in together about 5 years ago. Prior to that I shared with girlfriends (and we didn't bother with a tree) or lived at home with parents.

In the December we moved in together MIL gave us a bin liner full of all her tree decorations (some passed down from DH's grandma) saying she no longer puts up a tree now DH has left home. She also makes or buys our children a bauble each year.

This year, for the first time, I suggested I might buy some new baubles. We have bought our first home and have spent a lot of time decorating each room one by one so I guess my head is in that space of wanting to decorate the tree for the first time in my life.

DH suggested it would be ok to buy a few new to mix in with the old but not many.

Aibu to want to decorate my own tree. And if not now then when?

Old baubles all the way. Tragic and soulless commercial nonsense to get new'uns.

Didn't the old baubles get misplaced in the move? It's always tricky to find rarely used stuff like that when you've just moved, especially when it's all in bin bags.

Probably simpler to buy decorations this year without needing to pester any family members who are not interested, then see whether that bin bag turns up next year.

Depends on the baubles - I would keep and put on tree any you like and ones made for DC, hide away the ones you really hate (see if anyone notices)
Then buy some new decorations of your choice
The rest of MIL stuff do something else with
I have a basket on the hearth full of baubles
How about a small tree outside by front door
Do you have a porch
Could you have some kind of decoration in hallway - trimmed garland etc

I would want my own. I wouldn't have like my Mil dumping a big bag of stuff on me and expecting that to be my tree now. She got to collect hers now you get to collect yours. I would ask your dh to pick a few he remembered from his childhood keep the ones your dc made and buy your own. I buy one or two new ones every year and l enjoy taking them out and remembering what's there. Thought the idea of helping your Mil put up a small tree was a nice idea. Your dc could help decorate it and make stuff with grandma.
But yes your tree reflects you not your Mil.

Junebirthdaygirl - you sort of sum up my feeling about this but not sure if I am being unreasonable.

Don't want to turn this into a MIL thread (would feel exactly the same if it was any of my own relatives) but she does a lot of things like buy the kids their advent calendars, created my first born's stocking for her first Christmas morning (DH did tell her that we would be doing our child's stocking so please don't do that again) and a number of other similar examples and I do feel a little like, hey, you already got to do all this fun stuff with your own children so what about me?

I would quite like the pleasure of choosing and buying some baubles!

She even bought DH a Father's Day card and gifts from my firstborn for his first Father's Day... surely that is the wife's job? He told her not to do that again.

She even bought DH a Father's Day card and gifts from my firstborn for his first Father's Day... surely that is the wife's job? He told her not to do that again.

I think he needs to tell her that anything that is normal with a family unit (as above)is outside her remit and if she's not sure she should ask.

Definitely going too far.

However, I would keep some of the baubles and add them to my own.

I can't bare to throw away the old tat / sentimental Decs from ds first couple of Christmases when it was just me and him and I couldn't afford much
so I have that second tree on the upstairs landing and the downstairs tree has nice new baubles etc I bought when we moved and could finally afford decent stuff

Life is to short for shit baubles

She sounds like a pain and I think the way forward is to ask the DH which, if any baubles he wants to keep, probably very few, then get your own together. She overstepped the mark massively getting your DH Fathers' day gifts, that's actually rather weird.

1t6y9o - would it help if you looked on the decorations from his mum as a 'starter set' of baubles, that you and he will add to as the years go by?

When dh and I had our first Christmas, we bought some sets of generic baubles - so we had enough to decorate the tree - and then over the years, we have added to them, and gradually 'retired' the ones we didn't like.

You should definitely buy some new baubles this year - they will always be special because they were your first ones as a couple. Then over the years you can add new ones each year, and retire your least favourite of the ones from your MIL. Eventually you will have a collection that is mainly ones you have bought with some that are particularly special to your dh.

Ynbu your mil didn't want them if they were that important she would have kept them. Get a small tree and put them in that and create your own tree

It sounds to me that:
She was just being helpful by giving her Decs she no longer needed, she is probably not expect you to hang onto them for the next 40 years. She would have mentioned something that was very meaningful in there.
Your husband doesn't really care that much. He may make noises about spending a little money on new ones because it's not important to him.

I would go through them and put up ones you want and buy some new ones. If there are ones you don't want on the tree but want on display then get one of those metal or wood displays. Of course include your and take his husband views into account if he's interested. You don't need to throw away any you don't want up, put them back I to storage just incase somone exclaims in horror what happened to great great cousin twice removed bauble.

Terrible typing in places.

They're Christmas tree baubles. Seriously, how much does it really matter?

We have quite a lot of horrible chairs inherited from my late MIL. They would not be my first choice but they are quite important to DP and I can't be arsed to upset him about it.

Oh and my sister got me my first Mother's Day card and present and I was enormously touched I may have cried.

It sounds like he just doesn't se the point in buying new ones when you have some rather than he wants the tree to be an homage to MIL

I bought a whole new set a few years ago and my BF didn't see why but now wants that set on every year when I give him the choice.

Just get the decs out, go through them, pick out the ones you like and ask if there are any he prefers to keep and then go and buy some new ones to tie in.

Just don't expect him to overly care or be interested in choosing, IME blokes just aren't too bothered by the tree and how it looks other than a passing "it looks nice"

My MIL gave me her old faux Christmas tree and decorations. I am not terribly sentimental about Christmas so was rather pleased by to have to bother going out and shopping for these things. We've added bits over the years, stuff that DS made in primary school but baubles are not high on my list if priorities and I am almost reeling at the notion that some people by new every year - makes me wonder we why I bother recycling or waste time worrying about resource efficiency.

blokes just aren't too bothered by the tree and how it looks other than a passing "it looks nice".

I am genuinely surprised that anyone does anything else. Am female btw

What about alternate every year?

We have boxes with various colour schemes, and put different things on the tree depending on my mood at the time. Chose what kind of tree you are after this year, see if any of the old staff matches, and put the rest away for next year. I'd be bored to have the same stuff every year, sometimes you want light, sometimes colours, decorate the tree you prefer.

I love decorating our tree- we do it as a family. But what makes a good tree is nostalgia and memories and pulling much loved decorations out of the box. "Oh, look, there's great grandma's reindeer" and so on. And the occasional new addition-cf Justin Welby, below.

Ask MIL and DH which decorations they feel sentimental about. Use them as the basis and buy some more of your own. Don't do the "oh dear they got lost/broken" thing. That would be pathetic. And please don't reject the ones made for your children- no designer tree is worth the level of hurt that will produce.

Wow - she bought your DC's first xmas stocking presents? She is definitely confused over her role in your lives.

If it were me I would just get whatever baubles I wanted. Give hers to a charity shop where they can sell them and do some good. What's the worst that could happen? Is your DH really going to make an issue over it? If you and he can show a calm and united front in the face of your MIL being overly-involved, she may back off a little.

Some of those vintage decorations are highly collectable now, especially the glass baubles, so don't chuck anything away!

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Someone's feelings might be hurt? Somebody might lose a sentimental momento of his childhood?

But that's all fine-so long as there's a designer Christmas tree............

I agree, Bertrand - it would be very cold and thoughtless to just ship them all to the charity shop.

no one is talking about a designer tree.

The OP would like to buy her own things to have what feels like her very own tree for the first time, what's wrong with that. You walk past the shops, see some pretty decoration, why would you not be able to buy them. If you can't do what you please in your own home, it's a bit sad, where else can you do it.

"You walk past the shops, see some pretty decoration, why would you not be able to buy them"

Nothing stopping you.