Only offer one meal for the guests?

[NotInchristmasSpirit]

Hello all,

I have Changed my name for this post :)

To cut the long story short I am currently looking after a family members children whilst she is away visiting her new partner for three weeks ( I know!)

The children nearly 2 and 6 years old and I am finding meal times incredibly stressful and the " holiday " has only just started , before agreeing to look after her children I knew meal times would be difficult but not this difficult.. They have been refusing to try anything I cook and they chuck the food on the floor and scream / cry

Their mum has happily spoken about what she gives them to eat and she said the other day that on average she gives them 5 take aways a week and the rest of the time finds something out of the freezer because she isn't confident in cooking but she does feel guilty about this and wants to change. I know she loves her children to bits and would do anything for them and also I can't judge because I enjoy a good take away but I don't get it often.

But Would I be unreasonable to only offer one meal and that's it? Or should I get things I know they will eat because after all they're not my children and they need to eat?

Plus it won't have any effect on their future health. 3 weeks isn't long enough, if they are popping back off to have 5 takeaways a week.

Food is such an emotive issue, and the only control these children have at the moment.

Don't expect miracles.

Carry on as you are, making your usual kid-friendly meals. If they haven't started eating it after it's been a week, their mum will have to come home.

The rule in my family is if we don't like the way the 'minder' does things or don't think our kids will manage to adapt well to it, we don't leave them in their care.

Do you know what take aways they eat OP?

If you do I'd make the same as those if you can but home made,that way they should eat it,it's alot better for them and it won't cost a fortune.

Another idea have you tried asking them what things they like for dinner,you could do that and maybe let the older one help with laying the table or help making dinner or everyone's drinks if the older one is involved a bit with mealtimes you might find that they start eating they're dinner and if they're eating they're dinner then the little one will be more likely to copy they're sibling and start eating as well.

I do agree with lots of the other posters though that is a very long time for children that are so young to be away from they're Mum and especially getting so close to Christmas.Is they're Mum not worried about how the children and you will cope for so long and that she might miss out on her 6 year old being in a Christmas play at school?

What do they have for breakfast? Ime most kids love cereal/toast/fruit/yoghurt. Maybe just let them have that all day long!

You haven't mentioned if you have your own dc?

Stick it out, they'll come round soon enough. Their tastebuds are probably too used to salty takeaways. If they don't eat what's served then a banana or bread should suffice them until morning (provided they're getting enough sustenance during the day). Personally I would ignore the tantrums and continue your meals with the family as usual.
I can't wrap my head around parents who provide takeaways and/ or ready meals as regular dinners. Bloody ignorant and laz6

if they normally have takeaway did she give you some cash for feeding them? I just wonder because this could be very hard and even if you aren't going to buy takeaway you might end up spending more just to find stuff they will eat.

Presume the older child is at school during the day? Do you know if he eats there?

Echoing Sarf, you're a star for taking this on. Getting them involved with the cooking will help them forever.Don't give in, carry on with your usual family meals. I would be very blunt with your friend when she returns, tell her what the children have been cooking with you and tell her to get herself educated about cooking. She's lazy, it must cost her a fortune too.

I imagine terrible eating habits combined with being confused as to why mum is not around are the issue. 3 weeks is a very long time for anyone, let alone a 2 year old!

Keep trying child friendly meals. Serve things separated so they can try individual things. I usually cook something I know is a hit every 2-3 days and offer toast/sandwich or something similarly bland and dull if they haven't eaten anything.

This really needs sorting with their mum though. What does she feed them the other 2 days? What take aways do they eat? That may give you some hints.

If you really love these kids (and you must to look after them for 3 weeks) please please help their mum start feeding them and looking after them properly.

I would happily take my niece and nephew for 3 weeks without judging their parents for wanting a break.

As for the food issue, the little ones might like to help with shopping (even an online Asda shop) and preparation.

Not even two, actually a one year old :(

A 6 year old throwing meals on the floor is appalling behaviour.

It sounds as though this six year old is a very unhappy child.

We don't actually know ANYTHING much about the OPs relative. It sounds like cooking and meal plans are totally overwhelming for her from how I've read it. If she's a single mum maybe she's been very badly affected by a split? Maybe she's been bereaved? Maybe she has health issues and really really needs a break? Maybe the partner always cooked?

OP I think there's probably a lot you can do to help. Would she let you show her how to cook a few basic meals? Some councils run programmes teaching parents about nutrition. Would she attend one? If you can keep trying the kids with a few basic good meals in rotation even if you can find 1 or 2 simple things they begin to eat it can make a difference.

I suspect she's ashamed of all the take aways so please help her get out of this rut and get these kids fed a little better. You are a brilliant relative and I hope the kids and their mum appreciate you.

Getting them involved in the cooking will help them forever

What, a 1 and 6 year old?

Telling their shit mother to get home and look after her kids properly would be more useful.

I'm horrified at this thread. Those poor children. I am a full time lone parent to a two and six year old. I get how hard it is. My children go to their grandparents a few times a year for a maximum of two nights.

Three weeks to naff off with a new bloke? Speechless. As for the takeaways - I hate cooking for my kids. They reject at least half of it. So they get easy food. Pasta, risotto, sausages, fish fingers, mash, vege. And cold lunches e.g. sandwhicHe's , ham, grapes, cheese. Bought pizza once a week. It's really not hard.

OP your relative needs urgent support from social services

Have I lived a really sheltered life to think that 5 takeaways a week for a 2-year-old is completely appalling? That's really extreme.
I'm fairly flexible on my 2-year-old's food (I have to be!) and he gets fishfingers or toast a lot but a greasy salty takeaway??

I'm not (really) judging, just amazed people actually do this and/or don't know how unhealthy it is for tiny kids. I bloody love takeaway but if we have it I give my LO spag bog out of the freezer or something.

I should think that the food isn't the problem - but missing Mum and home is just being expressed this way.

The throwing food (from the 6 year old) wouldn't be normal behaviour at school - so this is likely to be a distress thing.

Like many others, I suggest - just offering them the simple things you are having or simple additions to this (like toast) and don't appear to worry.

My parents took care of my 18 month old for a long weekend when I was moving house (driving belongings back from Europe). They kept her very active and this helped with sleeping and eating. ( I couldn't have left her for three weeks though. Being apart like that would certainly have had an effect on my appetite! )

They are upset. Most of us don't eat normally when upset.

I would as others have said keep things really simple. My kids are v fussy & wouldn't eat either of the things you offered :( People are very critical of fussy eaters for some reason.
Some basics mine would manage would be things like pancakes, crumpets, plain pasta with butter, toast, boiled egg, plain rice, fish fingers, nuggets, smoothies, tube yoghurts, raisins, breakfast cereals, orange juice, apple, banana, raspberries, bread sticks, rice cakes, crusty baguette, plain pizza, pitta bread cut up.
I imagine they are missing Mum and so now isn't the time to crack down on the crap diet. You could do simple food - lots of little ones like things like baked beans and mini sausages, cheese on toast, scrambled eggs, spaghetti hoops. They are all fairly balanced, if not what you might consider a 'proper' meal.
Plenty of milk if possible would be healthy and nourishing?
I agree with others who have suggested you involve the kids in choosing what they fancy. I would also let Mum know it is proving tricky & see what she says.
As I said mine are fussy and I would never leave them for that long with someone else! Almost 2 is probably too little to be left for so long - maybe a weekend or a few days max.....

Some very harsh comments - op was asking for food advice - and she said visiting, not shagging. May not be ideal but not helpful either. And I'm apparently the judgiest person around.

Op, I'd go for the easiest plainest option. Have had friends of dcs stay over the years who only eat oven chips, plain pasta, very boring pizza etc. Shove in the oven and repeat, making life as easy for you all as possible while keeping the 2 extra children happy. Always serve plain pasta with the sauce in a little separate dish, never add herbs or anything to their portions. Not ideal, but if they only eat bread and milk with the odd bit of fruit they'll survive.

Good luck!

Offer them the normal meal or a sandwich, that way they have some control or choice.

If all else fails I give my 2 a ploughmans style meal, cheese, crackers, apple slices, pickles and salami. Doing a plate with different bits and pieces they can choose from might help.

Sometimes I resort to, I bet I can eat my potatoes/peas/whatever faster than you.

My kids are the same age and the oldest is very picky. Meal times were becoming very difficult, so I consulted a dietician. Here is what works for us.
All sit down to dinner together. Make it clear that everyone has to put a piece of everything on their plate,but doesn't have to eat it.
Have plain bread ready, place on table half way through meal without comment (so they are tempted by 'real' food first but don't go hungry.)
Never make pudding dependent on eating the meal, and offer healthy but calorific pudding options - full fat yoghurt (don't worry if sugary, it's still healthy in many ways), banana.
Make it clear that dinner is dinner and no snacks later. Stick to this even if the oldest goes to bed hungry once or twice, they will eat more at breakfast and be fine.
Praise them hugely for what they eat, ignore what they don't.
Plan meals (once you know what they like) so there is always something they will eat.
Good luck OP.

I think it is charitable that people are thinking of reasons why a parent would give their children 5 takeaways a week but in all honesty there are very few acceptable excuses.

I have a very fussy 2 year old and am currently suffering from hg and my husband works away a lot. I'd love to just buy chips every night and she'd happily eat that but of course that's not right. She gets lots of tuna, sweetcorn and tomato pasta, beans on toast and sausages, mash and peas. If all else fails then marmite on toast. She does eat a bit of fast food, she loves sausages and burgers from fast food stands but she'll probably have half a hotdog about once every 3 weeks or so.

I think in this situation the OP should contact the mum to say it's not working, they're clearly distressed and I could not feed a one year old takeaways every night.

Also one more comment, you can make a big difference to their eating habits in three weeks. We saw huge changes after a week of the new 'regime'. Once we disengaged with the battle and he realized we meant it, it was over. Not saying he's no longer picky! But he eats enough and if we look at his diet over the course of a week it's relatovely balanced - just lots of carbs one meal, lots of fruit or meat the next. Then if the kids realise this is how it works at your house,they will expect it next visit. Assuming you are auntie or grandma,this will have a big impact and be a very positive thing - you are teaching them how a proper family meal time works. It is worth it, and you should take pride in what you are doing.

See, I'm by no means whatsoever a picky eater, neither are any of my children but would heave at the thought of having to put some things on my plate. I don't like some things to touch, and loathe a very few things - Branston style pickle, boiled eggs, fried eggs, boiled beetroot, salad anyone I don't know well has made, that shit thing of everything on a plate at kids' parties - so your nutritionist's idea would make me odd.