Only offer one meal for the guests?

[NotInchristmasSpirit]

Hello all,

I have Changed my name for this post :)

To cut the long story short I am currently looking after a family members children whilst she is away visiting her new partner for three weeks ( I know!)

The children nearly 2 and 6 years old and I am finding meal times incredibly stressful and the " holiday " has only just started , before agreeing to look after her children I knew meal times would be difficult but not this difficult.. They have been refusing to try anything I cook and they chuck the food on the floor and scream / cry

Their mum has happily spoken about what she gives them to eat and she said the other day that on average she gives them 5 take aways a week and the rest of the time finds something out of the freezer because she isn't confident in cooking but she does feel guilty about this and wants to change. I know she loves her children to bits and would do anything for them and also I can't judge because I enjoy a good take away but I don't get it often.

But Would I be unreasonable to only offer one meal and that's it? Or should I get things I know they will eat because after all they're not my children and they need to eat?

Pasta Bol, and then other meal Boiled potato, chicken, carrots and peas

Both great meal choices for young children. It's a shame they won't eat it but I don't see what you can do about it. Would this family member come back if you asked told her to?

What everyone else has said. The 2 year old must be especially confused and distressed.
Tell her she has to cut her three-week shagathon short.
In the meantime, serve very simple foods the children recognise, even if that's just toast, yogurt, baked beans or whatever.

And don't be such a mug another time. I can tell you who she 'loves to bits'- herself. Can't you see that?

Could you try to make healthy 'fakeaways'?

Is the family member overseas? She may not be able to just come back if that's the case.

I do think 3 weeks is a long time for a 2yr old especially

But surely if the OP asks her to come back because the kids aren't coping, she would HAVE to come back?

I take it dad isn't in the picture?

Could you put the food on the plate un mixed so plain pasta a dollop of bolognaise on the side?

I'd do buttered toast and yoghurt for supper so if they don't eat dinner at least they aren't hungry.

Sorry OP. If you really want to help these kids you need to stop enabling their shit mother. Get her to come home and look after them properly.

Where is their father? can't he help?

Who leaves their kids, one who isn't even 2 yet (!!) to go shag a bloke for 3 weeks?! Unbelievable.

Don't let meal time become a battle. If they don't eat it, put it to one side, let them get down from the table then try again half an hour later. If they still won't eat it tell them matter of factly that they can come back for some toast if they are hungry. As long as they are drinking they will be ok with not much for a couple of days (especially if the two year old is still drinking milk). Toddlers also go through phases of living on air followed by downing everything in sight over. If they are still not eating much after three/four days then you need to get their mother back.

I'd imagine that the kids are missing their mum and are kicking off because of it. I don't think them throwing their dinner on the floor is any sort of reflection on your cooking skills.

I agree with the others who have said that you're quite right to only serve one option for dinner and everyone is to eat it. I also agree that you should have bread or other plain food available to them to eat instead if they are hungry.

Do they eat cheese and crackers? What sort of takeaways were they eating? If it's fish & chips could you fake a dinner from the chipper and see if they'll eat it but serve it up to everyone? Just a suggestion. If that doesn't work, I'd be on to the 'friend' saying that it isn't working out and that she has to come back.

Wtf?

Is this a joke? Your relative is a shit parent. Poor kids.

What are you doing for tea tonight or have you already done it? Do they go to bed OK? Does the nearly 2 year old still have milk before bed?

Offer one meal and have them take it or leave it. Give them what they like every few days, but otherwise their choice should be what you give them, or nothing at all. Sometimes tough love is necessary. It sounds like they have been spoilt by a lazy mother. You need to try to ensure they don't starve to death during your custody of them, but otherwise their choice of food should be decided by you, not them.

I think blaeberrys advice makes a lot of sense. Another thing you could try is taking one of them shopping with you to help choose and/or letting them help you prepare some of the food (make funny faces with it on the plate etc)
You have the opportunity to make a massive change for the good for these children, but it's an extremely big ask from your family member. I hope they will be doing chores for you for years to work that one off

I'm not quite sure why the OP has included the information about the family member going to see her boyfriend.

It's a bit of a red herring really.

The fact is the kids are used to eating takeaways, they're not being fed them now and they don't like the OP's food.

OP, try patiently feeding them the same as you and your family without snacks in between.

But I would offer toast before bed or they'll be unlikely to sleep.

I have a DD with serious food issues. At nursery she is treated the same as other children (at dietitian's advice), but there are some meals she still entirely refuses after several months there. Her behaviour when she comes home on those days is 'interesting' (she comes home at 1pm, so I can give her something if necessary, she isn't going a whole day without food). I am assuming that the children you're caring for aren't struggling with food on that level - on the (rare) occasions someone else caters for DD, I brief them thoroughly in advance/provide food.

Things DD will eat, in case this helps: plain bread (no butter), plain pasta, mild cheddar cheese, cold cooked meats, yoghurts, bananas, sausages. Most of those require little or no prep, so possibly worth having in reserve so the children eat something? It's almost certainly not what you'd do long term with your own children (I've omitted meals and unusual things DD eats) but it might mean the children eat something. DD's behaviour is always worse when she's hungry, so if you can get them to eat something, all of you will enjoy things more.

You are completely enabling this really awful mother. Why on earth did you agree to having them for three weeks?

And don't get them used to eating good food - they'll be eating crap as soon as she gets back.

I know she loves her children to bits and would do anything for them

Except learn to provide a healthy balanced diet and not to run off for a 3 week shag fest. Poor kids.

Have you thought about taking them to the supermarket and seeing if they can choose some things to eat?

Could you get them a little more involved in helping to make dinner?

Your family member is not doing a good enough job for these children.

You can see this, right? Their behaviour could be a result of not understanding where the fuck she is and why they are not at home.

Be kind to them, they sound like they're being neglected in a number of ways.

What kind of takeaways? I'm guessing it's chips? I can't imagine fussy kids eating curry or Chinese

But, ffs, this woman is not a good parent. Maybe there are other issues but on face value, it sounds horrendous. Poor kids.

A 6 year old throwing meals on the floor is appalling behaviour.
Stick to your guns, OP. After 3 weeks they're likely to have developed significantly healthier attitudes to food.

5 takeaways a week? Leaving with a relative for 3 weeks to go off with a boyfriend? Does this fall under benign neglect?

Poor kids...

I haven't read all of the thread, but I wanted to say how nice you are to look after your young relatives. Can you get the children to help you with cooking maybe? home made pizza perhaps? You have quite a big job on your hands, but if you pull it off, you will have done something amazing for them and their future health. You could then help their mum learn to cook the new dishes which would bolster her confidence.
Well done OP - you're a lovely person.

Tonight my kids are having sausages, plain pasta, sweetcorn and baked beans (50% reduced sugar....😳). It's their favourite

It's pretty balanced, though, and easy to prep?

There are serious food issues going on here, but you're not going to be able to fix them in three weeks. Nor should you, tbh.

Can you try familiar foods like chicken nuggets and fish fingers? I know, I know, but the goal here is to get some food into them without bankrupting you/having an awful scene.

Do you have your own DCs? I'd be sorely tempted to feed them separately too.