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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want them to LEAVE

69 replies

Skimpyfd · 26/11/2016 12:24

Flatmate has her boyfriend staying for a week and I'm the only one also in the house (two other flatmates away this weekend). I don't think they realise I'm in as they have her bedroom door open, have been shouting about who needs to use the shower, it sounds like another friend has randomly come over... I just want to for a wee and have a cheese toastie :( She's a student so has lots of time at home; I work a pressured long hours job and this is my first lie-in in two weeks :( PLEASE GOOOOO

OP posts:
Kitsa · 26/11/2016 13:19

Ha ha you lot are so mean. She said AIBU to WANT them to leave not "to think I have a right to want them to." I would not want to go and have my wee and toastie with people charging around the place so I totally get it. I got a bellyful of flatmates after uni and will never again live with anyone I wasn't sleeping with or related to. I love the people saying you "chose" to live in a shared flat, well when I did it there was no choice involved, I just couldn't afford anything else. Even if you love flatsharing it's not U to be a bit fed up with it sometimes!

OP I hope they go out soon and you get some lovely peace and quiet.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 26/11/2016 13:28

I had some awful flatshares! Worst was with my bestie who moved her stoner boyfriend in after a week. He never paid rent or contributed to bills. She was into healthy eating - me not so much. So invariably, once the munchies kicked in, he'd shovel down all my sugary cereal, crisps and snacks - AND frequently invited his mates over to do the same.

However, 'flat-sharing' with a four year old has its downsides - just for once, I'd like to take a dump without being stared at!

Original poster
Skimpyfd · 26/11/2016 13:29

Thanks! I live in London and have a good job but flatmates are part and parcel of the equation. I like them all and actually really like having the company (so wouldn't really want to live on my own for now) but try to be really thoughtful in situations like this and go out with my friends etc - I do accept that not everyone is the sake though! Said boyfriend came over to stay last month for a week too and is the cause of much drama... I would just love a quiet, calm weekend!

OP posts:
heartskey · 26/11/2016 13:30

I'm actually eating a cheese toastie as I write this. Just ignore them op.

heartskey · 26/11/2016 13:32

Meant to say yanbu, you're entitled to feel irritated by them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/11/2016 13:37

I get you, Skimpy. I think the simple way to sort this is to have a bit of a chat with your flatmate when she's on her own (if she ever is) and say, "Look flatmate, can we give each other a bit of space when we have people over? It's one thing when we're here just together but it's a bit much sometimes when it feels like I've been invaded. I just want to slob about a bit in our lounge, fart and eat cheese toasties... you know what I mean? I'll do the same for you - if boyfriend/friend calls in, I'll keep them out of your hair a bit too".

... or, do it the British passive-aggressive way of slobbing around, farting and eating cheese toasties, with abandon, in every communal area - making sure that you spend hours in the shower singing loudly, whenever boyfriend and friends are there. :)

ohtheholidays · 26/11/2016 13:39

Have you told her that your in?How your feeling?

Of course you want some time alone and shouting through the flat,keeping the bedroom door open(I hope to God they're not having sex with it open whilst your there)isn't really on when you live with other people that your not in a relationship with,haven't given birth to or that not the love of the life of one of your DC!

Speak up for yourself OP,I know it can be hard but it's better to do that than leave it so you end up stewing and feeling bad in your own home.

Original poster
Skimpyfd · 26/11/2016 13:42

No i hsvent, they're still here taking over the kitchen and lounge! I'm so hungry!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/11/2016 13:44

"GO Skimpy, GO Skimpy... GO, GO - GO!" Angry

Get yourself a damned Cheese Toastie!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 26/11/2016 13:46

That cheese toastie is gonna taste soooooooo good when you finally get it!

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 13:47

It's martyrdom to sit there hungry because your flatmate is using (not 'taking over') the kitchen. Either get a toaster or don't. Jeez.

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 13:47

toastie

Original poster
Skimpyfd · 26/11/2016 13:48

It's a bit intimidating though! I look like shit, I don't want to go downstairs and have to present myself to her and her boyfriend and another girl I haven't met before in our tiny kitchen!!

OP posts:
category12 · 26/11/2016 13:50

I think boyfriends staying regularly for a week at a time is taking the piss a bit, tbh.

And I think you're making a mistake by being too accommodating and making yourself scarce. Take up space in your own home.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 26/11/2016 13:51

I don't think it's 'martyrdom ' - I think it's feeling ousted in the place you pay rent for! Do it, do it, do it (I'm off to buy cheese)

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 13:52

FloweryTwat: Intimidating for her to sit in her own kitchen with her guests? No, that is your problem, not her 'intimidating' you. Stop being a wimp!

The staying for a week is another matter and should be dealt with through discussion of how long it is acceptable for a guest to stay.

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 13:54

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess: Wjo has ousted her? Nobody.

category12 · 26/11/2016 13:55

C'mon OP. Be brave, I know it's uncomfortable but think of the melted cheese..

To want them to LEAVE
hutchblue · 26/11/2016 13:59

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/11/2016 13:59

Oooh TWO cheese toasties! Grin

Twice the deliciousness...

WLF46 · 26/11/2016 14:02

Having the place to yourself is a luxury you don't have an automatic right to unless you live alone.

It's a shame, because it is utterly essential to our well-being to be able to have some solitude when we need it. Not do to anything in particular, just the luxury of doing whatever you like without worrying about others.

Your only option (other than moving out, which might not be an affordable choice) is to discuss this with your housemates and see if you can agree a timetable of when everyone will make sure they are out of the house.

Remember that they are not doing anything wrong. They won't assume you want to be alone right now, and might not have anywhere to go right now. And they certainly shouldn't feel like unwelcome visitor in their own home.

I remember years ago a housemate flipped out when I walked into the kitchen to find her making her breakfast naked. Apparently I "should have gone out to work by then" - well, I hadn't seen her the evening before and I didn't think I needed her permission to take the morning off! The point is, she didn't have any right to assume she had the place to herself. We all paid the same rent (and she had the biggest room GRRR...).

Memoires · 26/11/2016 14:06

Just think of them as the twatty friends of your little sister, and grunt at them.

Original poster
Skimpyfd · 26/11/2016 14:07

Yeah but that's the point - she always has free reign of the house (I'm out from 8.30-7.30) - she complains when she's had a long day studying at uni, that's my life every day. I like her but just choose your audience a bit!

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 26/11/2016 14:09

"You've chosen to live in a shared flat" - I don't know many people who would choose this is they had a choice! Or at least who would choose to live with strangers with totally different lifestyles. I'm guessing OP does so for financial reasons

I feel your pain, I spent years in shared houses before finally getting a tiny studio that was shit but it was ALL MINE

you know that your flat mate is doing nothing wrong. But yanbu to be frustrated. I'm like you, I want my own space and it's hard living in shared houses like that. Assuming you can't afford to live alone i would look at moving to a share with other professionals who are likely to have more similar lifestyles to you

Maybebabybee · 26/11/2016 14:15

I have been up at 6 every day for the last 8 months of my life. Get a grip FGS!!!