Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to phone the number I found on DH's mobile

57 replies

Notmyselftonightreally · 25/11/2016 18:27

Briefly, he has previous, I found gazillions of calls/deleted texts several years ago. He fronted it out right up until I rang the woman he had started seeing in front of him. She said they hadn't dtd and was horrified he was married as he hadn't told her. It took a long time but we agreed to wipe the slate clean and keep going.

I must admit to still struggling to trust him and tonight something odd happened. He's not very good with phones, and he called me a couple of times today and it came up 'unknown' so when he came in I was like 'what have you done, you plonker, your phone is set wrong'. He said to reset it correctly which I had to fumble around for. And in 'blocked callers' (I was just going thru the menus trying to find how number display came up) there were 2 mobile numbers.

He was talking to me from the kitchen, so I stupidly scribbled doen the numbers and of course he caught me. He snatched the writing pad off me and went thru the pages until he found it. He screwed it up, headed upstairs saying sngrily about lack of trust. He's comp,early destroyed the paper somewhere (and been back and ripped out the page underneath where imprint was).

He's adamant I don't call the numbers which makes me feel he's definitely hiding something. Last time there were a few odd things and he literally denied until it was impossible to continue to do so. I feel like shit :-(

OP posts:
LouisvilleLlama · 25/11/2016 19:00

I just hope he's smart enough to keep the numbers blocked so when it's inevitably discussed as let's face it most would mention the extreme reaction he can say they are ... . Deleting them is ridiculous and has guilt written all over it

Aderyn2016 · 25/11/2016 19:01

I would register his phone online for paperless bills and then go through it with a fine tooth comb. Sorry lovely but his reaction is shady. Someone with previous, who is doing nothing wrong now, wants to rebuild trust and understands that you may still have doubts. Someone who is up to no good, gets all defensive and stroppy. Making sure you cannot even see the imprint is dodgy as hell.
Start digging!

woowoowoo · 25/11/2016 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonaldStott · 25/11/2016 19:05

His reaction says it all.

category12 · 25/11/2016 19:08

Having blocked numbers isn't unusual, his reaction on the other hand reeks of guilt.

gammatron · 25/11/2016 19:10

Can you look at his phone bill online?

MsMommie · 25/11/2016 19:14

I would just kick him out.
Even if the number is innocent, he's put you in a position where you feel the need to spy and check up on him, and post here. He killed the trust. He did that himself.
I wouldn't give a toss whose number it was tbh, the lack of trust was caused by him and you shouldn't have to live like that x

ShowMePotatoSalad · 25/11/2016 19:14

I'm honestly not thinking it's cheating somehow. Something about the fact that he gave her the phone...if you're seeing someone else you might think "oh shit, what if I forgot to delete a text?" or something like that.

Who could he have had communication with that he wanted to block the numbers, and that doesn't want you to know about (but something not as serious as cheating?) What possibilities are there?

SuperFlyHigh · 25/11/2016 19:24

Clutching at straws but could blocked numbers be loan repayment places or something similar he is embarrassed about? That should explain the weird reaction etc.

category12 · 25/11/2016 19:25

Bloke has form for inappropriate relationships.
Bloke wasn't expecting her to go through his phone - caught offguard by her asking what was wrong with his phone and not quick enough to come up with a good reason she couldn't have his phone to put right.
Plus he's thinking he's pretty smart for blocking them/having set his phone so its number doesn't show up, so he's smug and complacent.
And he's not expecting her to go into blocked caller list.

Serialweightwatcher · 25/11/2016 19:25

Not to worry you but you can unblock a number at any time and then block again - I just think with the way he performed by ripping up paper and storming upstairs it doesn't sound good ....... he should understand the reason you wouldn't trust him and explain to you nicely that he'd never do it again etc etc but he's on the defensive

ShowMePotatoSalad · 25/11/2016 19:30

Has he been acting weird in any other ways?

ChickenVindaloo2 · 25/11/2016 19:31

Oh dear.

Seems like he has been dumped or has dumped the OW(s).
My blocked list is 50/50 Tinder dates gone wrong/PPI and scammers.

Hold on tight, OP. Remember you are worth more than his lying, cheating ass. To forgive and forget a 2nd time is to demonstrate to him that he can, in fact, get away with whatever he wants.

Be strong.

BlueFolly · 25/11/2016 19:37

He's thinking it's safe to give her the phone cos he's blocked the numbers.

IndieBamBindi · 26/11/2016 09:45

Posters mentioning you don't block numbers you want to contact, just to add another side to things, one of my close friends was having an affair, she would block the number every night before her husband's home and then unblock in morning. That way there was no anxiety that she would get a text or call her husband would see, etc. You would be surprised how sneaky people can get if they need to be.

Dingarees · 26/11/2016 10:12

Hmm.

I understand why you feel the way the you because of his previous but if it wasn't for that I don't think blocked numbers are suspicious in their isolation.

I have a handful of blocked numbers on my phone, they are all PPI or someone trying to sell me something, some of them appear to be normal mobile numbers.

If it was a woman he was dating why would he block them?

TheLegendOfBeans · 26/11/2016 10:17

Put 141 in front of the numbers before you dial them, for goodness' sake.

Stops your number coming up on the other persons phone when you dial them.

BastardGoDarkly · 26/11/2016 10:24

Ripping up the numbers in an indignant rage, possible, returning to destroy the page underneath with the imprint?! Shady as fuck.

ijustwannadance · 26/11/2016 10:37

I was thinking the same as IndieBamBindi. Blocking the numbers whilst with you so you don't hear/see any calls and texts.

His overreaction at completely destroying any evidence and throwing the trust thing back at you is very telling.

Cheating or not op, do you really want to be with a man that you can't trust? I also suspect he's the reason for your low self esteem.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 26/11/2016 10:48

My husband has previous. I would demand the numbers or he gets out. As a pp said, it would be in his own interests to prove he isn't doing it again.

I had access to his 'phone when he was up to his tricks - he just assumed I would never look through it, and I didn't, until the day I did...

WeAllHaveWings · 26/11/2016 10:50

If I found blocked numbers on dh's phone I would ask him about them and he would tell me what they were and I would believe him.

This is normal for most couples. If you don't trust and respect each other there is no point. So you don't need to put yourself through phoning the numbers, your relationship has already failed. Sorry OP.

GahBuggerit · 26/11/2016 10:56

shday AF. hes blocked them so his phone doesnt ring when they call. one of the tricks unfortunately, it shows up as a missed call so he knows they have called and can call back when its convenient.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/11/2016 11:14

His reaction says everything. To.top the page underneath so you can't even see the imprint! Someone really doesn't want you to have those numbers!

StarryIllusion · 26/11/2016 11:39

I'd give an ultimatum. No I don't trust you, you've proved before that I can't trust you. Prove who they are or pack your shit and get out.

Frankly op, I'm amazed you stayed the first time. Cheating would have been it for me. Trust gone, no respect for me, off you fuck. More important that you have respect for yourself.

Mistykit · 26/11/2016 20:08

Blocked numbers don't show up as missed calls. Any number blocked can not call his phone unless he unblocks them. I wouldn't be worried tbh. His reaction... well I'd be fuming too if my partner didn't trust me either and I caught them sneakily writing down blocked numbers from my phone that I freely gave to them in the first place.