To be fed up of people telling me to give DD a dummy!!

[Sunshine511]

I'll begin by saying something quite controversial... I don't like dummies!! There, I've said it.

I personally think it's very much each to their own and that parents should be allowed to make the choices they feel are best for their babies, without everyone around them passing comment.

So, DD2 sucks her thumb and I have had people saying things like "you're mummy needs to give you a dummy. You can take a dummy away but you can't take a thumb away!" And various other comments.

My bug bear is that if I said "actually I don't like dummies, personally" I'd be met with a death stare and treated like I'm being judgemental. The fact is, I'm probably the least judgemental person you could meet! Some people breastfeed, others hate the the thought of breast feeding. Some give dummies, others don't and so on. We should all be allowed to have our own views on things and make the choices we feel best about without others passing judgement.

So how do I deal with the dummy comments? Do I just blurt it out that I don't like them? Or do I just nod politely?

I don't like dummies either.

Each to their own and all that, but there was no way either of mine were going to be given dummies, and at 1 and 3 they seem to have coped just fine without. I had someone try to force one in dd's mouth when she was 2 weeks old. I wasn't happy. They worked with newborns and knew best apparently

I'd love my two to prefer their thumbs to dummies. No-one has ever had to crawl under the cot at 3 am to find a thumb!

If she has found her thumb she probably wouldn't take a dummy anyway!!

I am pro dummy since my first cried all the time as a baby unless he was being fed!!! My husband was adamant he didn't want him to have a dummy. My son found his thumb at about 1 and didn't stop sucking it until he was bribed at the age of 8 with money after a trip to the dentist who said his teeth were starting to protrude!!!

Second one had a dummy - I ignored my husband. He loved it and I managed to take it away at 3 years old. Also, he only had it at certain times of day whereas my other son would have his thumb is a lot more. We did have issues with him getting to sleep for a while after though!

A word of caution - my twins are now 7. One sucks their thumb, the other their forefinger.
Their teeth are wrecked and they will not give up the sucking.
Nail varnish, plasters, bandages, bribery etc. Nothing works.

So I would much preferred dummies as I could have thrown them out and dealt with the issue.

Both mine had dummies, dd1 gave hers up at about 18 months irrc, dd2 on the other hand was a completely different kettle of fish and I had to take hers away when she was almost four, she broke her heart for a whole week and I can honestly say I felt like the shittest parent ever for giving it in the first place and vowed to never give a dummy ever again. (not that I'm having any more dc)
You do what you want, I'd tell them straight that I just don't like dummies and she (and I) are happy with the thumb sucking. now fuck off

poor have you tried that anti nail biting stuff? It's vile and has worked for all the thumb suckers I know.

Grrr no he's still not taking a bottle ... because I've never given him one to try... I have no idea if he'd take to one or not.

I do think the dummy thing is an inverted snobbery thing though. People wrongly assume you're judging them (if colic had gone on much longer I would have bought one, so I'm really not) so want to get in there first.

For all the horror stories about people sucking their thumbs until they were 25 I very rarely actually meet people who did suck their thumb past infancy and childhood.

Thumb sucking doesn't necessarily cause buck teeth Peach - I sucked my thumb until I was 12 constantly and my teeth are straight. In fact back in the day mum trained us all to suck our thumbs to save the constantly getting up at night to retrieve the spat out dummy for a wailing kid. None of us needed braces and all have straight teeth.

I've been thinking about this today and I found research that suggests some babies play with the umbilical cord in the womb, and possibly suck it etc. I found some pics on Google although I wasn't sure exactly what I was looking at! These babies might like to suck but not feed and are used to finding something they can suck nearby, and miss it when they are born. So it's not necessarily a nipple substitute, more like a comforter/toy a baby had before birth.

I'm not in any way medical, just thinking aloud rather than doing sensible, useful things with my day.

I sucked my finger and spent years in braces to straighten the huge gap in my teeth.

eurochic, sometimes what babies 'need' is to suck. Three kids here. First two were quite happy with boob, cuddle etc to calm. Third baby needed a dummy. She wasn't hungry and would refuse the breast, she was being cuddled but she still needed to suck. We ditched it at 6months (no earlier as per SIDS guidelines). I know lots of paeds recommended a dummy for refuxers so maybe related?

OP If they continue to go on about it then You should just say politely that you aren't making any comment about people who use dummies but you don't like them and fortunately DC doesn't either. For what it's worth I dislike the aesthetic of dummies but I think that they can be worth their weight in gold when used mindfully.

Why don't you like them?
I would use one myself simply because they hugely reduce the risk of cot death.
Also I wasn't given a dummy and so I sucked my thumb until I was 8 which meant I needed extensive orthodontic work.
I think it's partly snobbery when people don't like them but they have loads of positives.

Other parents love to try and give new parents advice, it's the way it is.
Don't take it as a personal criticism and try not to let it bother you .

Why not say your daughter won't take a dummy to avoid a debate? It's unlikely she'd take to one now anyway.

No need to be all controversial and say you hate dummies to all and sundry .

I was a thumb sucker and my teeth are fine, Does it really cause buck teeth? My in laws keep saying that my sons dummy will make him goofy? Don't really see how?!
Dd1 was a thumb sucker - doesn't do it any more, dd2 & dd3 had no dummy no thumb and even though I was a former no dummy person I relented and gave in with ds as I needed something to swap my nipple for at times so I could look after the other 3!! He loves his dummy although approaching 2 and I want it to go now - not quite sure how I'll do it?!
I think you'll always get people interfering -" give em a dummy, give them a bottle, take the dummy out, oh your still breastfeeding?" Etc etc
Just smile and nod and carry on as you like!

Just ignore, I wouldn't even give them a response.

I think that dummies are better than a thumb, as although it can be traumatic they are still easier to discard than a thumb!

I have a dummy for my five month old and she uses it about once a week if she is having difficulty napping. Otherwise she refuses it. Luckily, she doesn't thumb suck either.

You have to do what works for you.

Sunshine why don't you just ignore them. BUT my dd is 12, still sucks her thumb and can't have orthodontic work done until she stops. She has most likely influenced her teeth by pushing her thumb out against them but we will never know how much is 'natural' and how much not.

I tried to give her a dummy and she would not take it.

What people say is true and of course, your choice, you and stick to your guns and let her just suck her thumb but I do hope you are not in my shoes in 12 years time because it is a bit shit!

Etak
What age did you suck your thumb until?
If the adult teeth are growing in and the child sucks their thumb a lot of the time then the position and pressure pushes the teeth forward giving you an overbite.

Plus... Swedish dummy tries are not possible with thumbs....

www.atlasobscura.com/places/slottsskogen-pacifier-tree

cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/27/covered-in-pacifiers-trees-signal-a-rite-of-passage/?_r=0

I absolute hate the things. My DD was hospitalised when she was born for the first year of her life, the first thing a nurse did as soon as she started crying and wouldn't stop was give her a dummy. cue unhappy mother I was over at the house at the time a place called the sick children's trust getting some sleep like I had been told to as I hadn't slept for a good few days, went back up to ICU to see her sucking on a dummy I wasn't impressed at all, in fact I probably got far too emotional about it if I'm honest

Anyway 2 years on and I just can't get rid of the fucking horrible things!!
I try slyly throwing them away but it doesn't work she screams and screams until she gets another one, so I'm reluctantly going to try to get rid of them for Christmas. I want to do the whole "Santa has taken them in exchange for all your new brilliant toys" thing but I really don't know

Amazed anyone would tell you to give your DD a dummy.

DS has one and I wish he didn't. He's just turned two and has always only had it in his cot (actually not quite true - he has it in his bedroom generally) so he doesn't wander about with it.

I just cannot imagine trying to put him to bed without it. Really wish I'd never introduced the stupid thing :(

Etak "I was a thumb sucker and my teeth are fine, Does it really cause buck teeth?"

It's very hard for the dentist to tell exactly what causes it but I think logic would dictate if you push something hard for a long while it will give way, even a little at some point. I guess you are one of the lucky ones!

My dentist or orthodontist (can't remember which) said the key thing is how hard a child sucks. If the thumb is just in the mouth it doesn't do so much hard (although eventually the thumb and breath can begin to smell and the thumb can even be affected, possible temporarily). But if a child sucks hard a lot then pressure is on the teeth to move and of course the thumb would normally be pushing outwards.

After a ton of research I concluded if a child does not want to give up thumb sucking, you cannot make them. And we even paid £50 for a special thumb cover that eventually did not work!

Cross post with digestive - maybe we should have a dummy haters but users support group

I agree splendide.
Think it would be a big help too a lot of people who hate the things.
Advice from parents that have had the dummy but have found a good way to get rid of them,
I think it's brilliant how your DS only has his dummy in his cot splendide. Is he not bothered about it through the day?

Can anyone actually explain what is bad about dummies?

He isn't really too bothered Digestive - occasionally he asks for it downstairs but I sort of look surprised and say "but the dummies live upstairs!" which he seems to accept for now. If he finds one downstairs - fallen out his nursery bag or something - he is delighted and doesn't want to give it up.

The other thing I have done recently which I am MASSIVELY kicking myself about is he now has them loose. He used to only have them attached to a comforter bunny and so could find bunny easily in bed. When he was ill and waking a lot I got into the habit of just handing him a loose one and now he needs both bunny (ugly ass rabbit holding four dummies) AND a loose one!

I probably do just need to chuck them all but I'm terrified he'll then be up all night for months.