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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to help me sort everything out today? I don't want to be admitted.

65 replies

OneStepCloserToTheEdge · 24/11/2016 11:40

Can someone help me get everything sorted today? I know this is pathetic but I'm orphaned and have no-one else to ask.

The last few months have been hard, culminating in me losing my much-loved job. It was unfair dismissal and I've accepted an out-of-court settlement to save myself the stress of seeing court through - I've got bipolar and it has been HARD. I haven't slept properly in months and am being visited every other day by the crisis team.

A company I worked with for my old employer wants to hire me. I should be thrilled. It'd be more money and they love me. I withdrew from applications when I originally became self-employed because my contract forbid me working for them; they postponed applications. They've started calling me often this week and have talked me into interviewing on Friday - but I still have the contract problem and I'm not well enough to commute four hours a day to work. I was up all night crying at the thought of having to tell them... I just can't write the email; I feel that I'm really letting them down. Their contract also forbids this, but they don't seem to care, really.

I need to go and pick up my tablets from the pharmacy. It's 15 minutes walk. It will do me good; but I can't go. I haven't left the house in days.

I have a big meeting with various psychologists and psychiatrists late next week to make a new treatment plan; but the crisis team want to admit me until then. They are worried that I'm not sleeping; keep crying; generally can't cope. I have had a headache all week and my heart rate is four times higher than my average. I am hiding from the postman, for no reason. I really hate hospitals, I have an intense phobia... so I need to sort everything and hope that when the crisis team come at 4pm, I'm okay. I just don't know how to start.

I need a hug.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 24/11/2016 12:54

another bi polar mate here, it is so difficult when you are struggling so much and everything is so difficult, good to hear you are making small steps and hope you are going to get your meds soon, they will help, you know that but it isn't always the easiest thing to do with the best will in the world.
how are you getting on ? did you get the meds ?

Mistletoetastic · 24/11/2016 12:54

Maybe get some food before going to the pharmacy? have you got anything at home that might be suitable for a snack before you head out? I find that not eating makes me jittery.

Its is sunny out today (if in the UK) so Sun glasses sound like a great plan.

Allthewaves · 24/11/2016 12:57

Tell them you would like some personal time before deciding

pugsake · 24/11/2016 12:57

You can have an internet hug.

Have you skipped some meds? It won't help Flowers

If your feeling that bad a few days on the ward might do you some good. I know it's shitty I hate being in myself but at least you will get looked after and being around other patients might do you some good.

Plus they can prescribe stronger drugs. Sleep, food and meds and you'll feel like a new person.

Carly767 · 24/11/2016 13:01

One step, feel for you. My OH has bipolar and one thing I am sure of is that if you are such a bad bipolar episode that you are with the crisis team now is not the time to be making any serious decisions as your depression will be telling you lots of lies and distorting your thinking, I guess you are on a downer rather than manic from your description of last night. So let the headhunting company know what you are to ill to attend interview right now but will be back in touch when better. Then work with the crisis team on getting better, that reckon that they can resolves most crisis within two weeks though it may take longer to become your fully functioning self again. Hope you can started on meds ASAP, is it a new drug for this crisis? Mega virtual hugs try to keep to a good sleep routine and be sure that there will always be someone here for you but use the crisis teams support to the full, it is what they are there for.

manicinsomniac · 24/11/2016 13:04

Hi,

I also have bipolar and would say it's that pharmacy issue that needs sorting - right away! How long have you been off them for? If you can get them then the chances are that everything else will stop being so overwhelming and fall into place. If you don't take them there's surely no way you're going to avoid hospital. They're not like normal anti depressants, they're literally giving you the ability to think, react and operate like a 'normal' person. Sorry, I'm sure you know this but it's worth saying in case you've let yourself get to the head-fucky stage of not really knowing what's what at all.

If you can't walk to the pharmacy can you phone them and ask for help?

FetchezLaVache · 24/11/2016 13:11

I'm joining the MN cheer squad to help you get to the pharmacy OP. I've been there (ADs) and I just couldn't get my arse out of the house. My prescription had to wait at the doctor's surgery until my son needed something from there- somehow, it was no problem to go on his behalf but impossible to go on my own!

Anyway, I used to work in recruitment and completely agree with PPs that the clause in your contract preventing you from working for this company is absolutely unenforceable, esp as they dismissed you. Basically, no court is going to see you blocked from legitimately earning your living. You can safely ignore.

However, you don't sound up to starting a new job with a four-hour commute atm, so I also agree with the suggestion that you ask them to talk again in a month or two. You've got to get yourself well first. Flowers

PersianCatLady · 24/11/2016 13:18

the clause in your contract preventing you from working for this company is absolutely unenforceable, esp as they dismissed you
I think that the OP is talking about a restrictive covenant that prevents an employee from taking ideas or customers and the like from a current or previous employer to a new employer.

In some cases these clauses are necessary and the courts will uphold them say for example if I am employed by a travel agent and then I set up my own company and poach all of my employer's clients.

However in the OP's case I think that there is little chance of her RC clause being upheld especially because she was "let go" by her previous employers and also because most judges would prefer someone to be able to be in paid employment as opposed to being unemployed just because of an RC clause.

I am not sure if the OP is up to it yet but she definitely needs to take advice on this RC clause either from a solicitor or from the CAB.

Original poster
OneStepCloserToTheEdge · 24/11/2016 13:59

I made it! I now have meds, and lunch. I cried on the pharmacist so sat in a little room with her for a while; but now I just need to eat and then take the meds.

I do have a solicitor, from the dismissal case, but she's of the opinion that I should leave this be until I'm well enough as it could be difficult. I'll borrow the emails suggested here and send that after I've eaten?

Then I'll hopefully have an hour or two before the crisis team come. They'll be proud that I've eaten, I think, they've been bringing me toast.

I still feel overwhelmed but having a plan has helped so much, you've all made such a difference to my day Flowers

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 24/11/2016 14:07

Hi OP another vote for the nice email. I think it will help to be clear that YOU will contact THEM when appropriate, or something like that, rather than leaving it open ended. The last thing you need is for them ask "well how long will this last?" Or "how about next week/month/year?"... your own health is top priority right now, I think having this job lingering and the pressure of responding to it is just way too much, so be clear with them that you aren't going to be unable to do it just for this week, but possibly not at all. Keep going with the small steps, and care for yourself - you deserve it Flowers

yellowfrog · 24/11/2016 14:17

Wow, well done, you have done fabulously!! Not just the meds but getting lunch as well! Don't worry about crying on the pharmacist - they will have seen it all before :)

Now to enjoy your lunch! Deal with the emails once you have food in you. If you find sending the email daunting, you can break it down into two parts. Draft the email, then get a cuppa/biscuit/treat of your choice, and then go back to the email to send it. And then repeat the cuppa/biscuit/treat step!

Well done you, you're doing fab!

MaryMargaret · 24/11/2016 14:18

Brilliant! So pleased to hear that.

3luckystars · 24/11/2016 14:18

Well done!

Original poster
OneStepCloserToTheEdge · 24/11/2016 14:23

I set the kitchen towel on fire. Who does that?!

I'm eating now, and I have got the meds out ready for after. Doing the email and then having a treat sounds like a good plan. I hope that once it's done, it'll feel that this stress at least has gone...

I'm dressed today and I've been out and I'm eating. I am proud. Thank you all.

OP posts:
myoriginal3 · 24/11/2016 14:24

Well done. Now just send the email and you've nothing hanging over you.

Sirzy · 24/11/2016 14:24

You are doing brilliantly well done!

And I for one am guilty of having set the tea towel on fire in the past!

myoriginal3 · 24/11/2016 14:25

Snap. Crossed posts

humblesims · 24/11/2016 14:34

Well done you are doing brilliantly well. You can be proud. I hope you feel better soon. Flowers

PersianCatLady · 24/11/2016 14:40

I set the kitchen towel on fire. Who does that?!
I left a plastic box on top of my electric hob and melted that to the hob top. The whole place stank of acrid burnt plastic for days and the hob had to be replaced.

I wish it had only been a tea towel.

yellowfrog · 24/11/2016 14:57

Well done you, on everything, you deserve to be proud! And yeah, totally normal to burn the towels - I burnt a bath towel putting out something I'd left on the hob once! :)

Get lots of those treats in today 'cos you have earned them and then some! I also recommend some nice TV with your feet up a bit!

hellsbellsmelons · 24/11/2016 14:59

Well done OP.
I don't know you but I feel proud of you for taking such huge strides today.

I too have set a tea towel alight.
I'm nearing 50 and did it only 2 weeks ago!
Accidents happen all the time. Don't worry about that.

Did you send the email?
If so, then it's time to chill out and calm yourself for your visit.
Keep going you are doing so well.

GrumpyInsomniac · 24/11/2016 15:08

Well done OP, and be proud of yourself. You've done so well today Flowers

Original poster
OneStepCloserToTheEdge · 24/11/2016 15:17

I wish there was a way that I can thank you all - I haven't felt this not-alone in a long time. It's helped immensely.

The email has gone! I used the wordings from here, so it wasn't too bad. 45 minutes until the Crisis team so I'm sitting with a hot drink. I'm hoping that I can stay at home and be reassessed tomorrow but I'll go if they think I should; maybe that's for the best. I vividly remember visiting my mum at the local inpatient unit and her screaming and throwing things, she hated it there and us, for reporting her and getting her readmitted. I struggle being there.

It's nice feeling calmer, I can't hear my heart racing in my ears anymore. One thing at a time, right? Crisis team next.

OP posts:
Potatoooooo · 24/11/2016 15:20

Big cuddles for you Flowers
My heart goes out to you, I do hope you are feeling much better quickly.

yellowfrog · 24/11/2016 15:27

You have done so well - I am proud of you!!

I think you are right to go with what the crisis team think is best. If you can stay home, that's good, but if you go in, it'll be good too. Whatever happens, take the opportunity to rest and take care of yourself! Keep drinking those hot drinks, and just take one step at a time :)