To feel like I'm slowly killing myself

[Byefoodbye]

Please help. I drink a bottle of red 5 times a week. I eat total crap, including at least 300g chocolate every day and I just can't stop. Life is passing me by. I'm only 5ft 2 and weigh nearly 14 stone, there's history of early stroke in our family and I'm scared but I can't stop. I'm messing up at work, I'm on ADs (low dose) but it's the drinking and over-eating that's scaring me but I cannot stop. I have heart palpitations and I honestly feel I will have a heart attack. I'm very unfit. Am 41. Please help sort my head out!

The responsibility rests with you. That realisation is what will take you forward.

Bye it's great you have articulated out loud how you are feeling & acknowledging that you have issues with alcohol & food, which is probably damaging your physical & mental health, lots of help & support is available.

Maybe see your GP first, outline how you are feeling & how you are compensating your unhappiness with alcohol & overeating, hopefully they will refer you for counselling/support groups, also I am sure many posters will be along who can advise of other support that is available.
You are very brave in admitting that you have concerns & you are so right this will impact on your physical/mental health if you don't take steps too address, you need help to try & unravel why you are doing this, it takes time & can be scary, but will be so worth it I wish you all the very best & good luck💐

Acknowledging the (very real) issues you face is a great first step.

Making meaningful and long lasting change is not easy, but ultimately only you have the ability to do something about it.

Perhaps swapping out the chocolate for healthy snacks (carrot sticks?) would be something you could try?

Get some healthy recipe books and try cooking up batches of healthy meals?

Good luck.

Ok, rather than beating yourself up and totally denying yourself going forward, why not try to cut down a bit? By that I mean, enjoy the wine and the chocolate, but only on a friday/and or saturday night?
I know it might seem like the best way is just to go cold turkey, but that can lead to disasterous binges and back to square one again (trust me, I know).
Its not easy to change habits so give yourself attainable goals, so that you can slowly change your current habits.

You can do this!

Sorry, my post was a little rambling, but you get the gist.

Another way to go, is to have some break rules, 1 day on, 2 days off for example. If you can manage that for a fortnight you can feel empowered for being strong without feeling like you are losing an emotional crutch. After the fortnight, you can try 1 day on 3 days off for example, until you can get things back to a normal and sensible lifestyle.
It takes a long time to create a habit, so it will take you a while to create new ones xxx

Palpitations need to be checked by GP- could be unrelated, and it needs investigation.
What's your daytime set-up? WOHP or SAHP? What's your time spent on? Children to corral?

Small steps are more achievable. Cut down, not cut out.

Second what melen says. And definitely get the palpitations checked out. Try writing down small weekly achievable goals and tick them off when you've succeeded. Research shows we're more likely to follow through on objectives we write down.

Thank for all your replies. I have 4 kids ranging from 2-11, a husband and a full on job (working from home - so nobody to see me stuff my face).

Palpitations and a family history of early stroke needs medical advice, please go and see your GP. You have made a good first step by acknowledging the problem eating and drinking, you need to talk to your doctor about all of this when you see them. Good luck

Alcohol is a real depressant. I am such a moody, depressed lump when I drink - which is a real bummer of a realisation.

Maybe try and just ditch the alcohol a couple of days in a row to start with. Like PP - keep to the weekends. Then, baby steps after that.

Well done to realising it.

You can change it.

I promised myself a month off booze, I was drinking more than you and I did it. It properly broke the habit. Now I'm back two nights a week.

As for the sugary diet? Just don't buy it! don't pop into the shop when you're out to pick up crap either. Just one day at a time. All this has to be one small decision at a time. you can do it.

I also have four kids and the drinking just slowly crept up on me.

I also had palpitations, but no family history.... alcohol is a right bitch.

It sounds like your life is very intense! Do you try to get a lot done around the house while working from home? I'm just wondering if you aren't stressing yourself out trying to do too many things at once and then dealing with that stress with wine and eating. I have definitely been guilty of that!

Would it help if you found a local library or cafe you could do at least some of your work it? People around you might guilt you into stopping a binge, and you may find separating work and home life helpful

Baby steps? It will be hard to change your whole lifestyle in one go.

See the GP to get some support.

Maybe cut out the drinking first and aim to go for a walk every other day. Once you've mastered that build on it by eating healthier and so on.

You really need to get the palpitations looked at as they're a classic sign of high blood pressure. I am on tablets for this and they definitely help. Don't ignore them like I did (I ended up with damage to my heart)

You also need to look at the underlying issues behind your eating and drinking patterns OP.

I think for me I worked out foods that were healthier that I could manage to prepare, given the time and just stuck to them.

Sort of changing the rules in my head. A snack is not a Twix now. It's a satsuma. Breakfast is no longer a bacon sandwich. It's a yoghurt and maybe a banana.

With the wine. My rules are keep none in the house. Don't go shopping at tea time. Eat dinner early e.g. 6pm. And if I'm still hankering after tea, go for a walk with my ipod or go to bed with a book. Drink tea instead. I do still have it, just not every night.

You start to feel so much better and less stressed that it's almost addictive to keep the pattern going. Promise yourself one change for tomorrow. It might be I will walk for 30 minutes. Or I will have this for breakfast. See if it works for you. And if so, carry on. Then add another promise. My aim isn't I will lose 2lb this week. It's more I will eat mostly vegetables, fruit and lean protein because that makes me feel well.

It's horrible to get into that rut, I've been there. But you can and will get out of it.

You're amazing for posting on here, and recognising that you maybe need to change a few things in your life. Like everyone else has said, it's easier to take baby steps, so try drinking a bit less, try missing out one bar of chocolate. Then you can build on it. You will feel so much better if you cut down the drinking, trust me. I've had an absolutely horrendous year and ended up consuming a bottle of wine a night, on anti depressants, etc. I'm not coming through the bad times and slowly rebuilding myself and have cut down to half a bottle of wine in the evening. That's still a lot but it's better and I have to say I sleep better and feel better. So give it a try. And don't give up if you have a bad day and go backwards - it's just one day - try again the next day. hugs xxx

I'm not sure doctors would approve, but I found it really helped to cut down alcohol in the evening by swapping from wine to a longer, wetter drink like a gin and slimline tonic. Two G&Ts can last as long as a bottle, you only get 2 units of alcohol rather than 10 and 300 calories, rather than 600 and it softens the blow of cutting back and doesn't feel like you are sacrificing anything.

One thing that helped is that my car blew up and so we have to walk everywhere.... long story, boring credit score errors, but we've been without a car for two months and it's lovely. We walk to school because we don't have a choice.

my advice is that I always do better when I make a big effort to be kind to myself and not do myself down. Negative talk doesn't motivate me to behave better, more if I say to myself 'you're a fat slob' then I have the binge etc anyway because I feel worthless. Whereas if I get up, make an effort, do something that makes me happy, I'm less likely to eat badly or drink too much. 4 dc and a full-on job - what time do you get to yourself? I bet that lack of sleep and lack of time for self-care are a lot of the issue.

Bye have you tried any groups - anything like AA meetings?

Depends what you think will work with you. When you have made changes in past or areas of your life that are self disciplined. What did you do? What do you do? Like work - is it the deadline, boss, or enjoyment that keeps you motivated? Or other things in the past? What made you change? Was it a "wake up" call? For me I have to have a series of goals and I usually aim for a main barely achievable goal. Then I make drastic changes, I usually give up after a couple of months (at most), but stick with some of the habits (I sound nuts!). But this works for me as I don't beat myself up about the original goal.

Or do you need accountability? Who would do that with you/for you. Or can you make small changes and stick with them?

Tackle the alcohol first??
I suggest this as its calories and a depressant

Palpitations are really common and can be triggered by alcohol, caffeine (in chocolate) and anxiety. I bet you would feel better eating and drinking less/differently.

Sorry - I read your post about having 4 dc after I added mine. It's incredibly hard with small dc to find time for yourself. I have to say the giving up wine I only managed when mine were a lot older than 2. But having said that, not having it makes you more relaxed, less anxious in the first place. You sleep better. So tackle things in a much more balanced, less stressful way I find.