How long would you leave a 12 year old at home for (alone)?

[LaurieLauren]

This will become an AIBU, but would really like to know this first...

BTW my caveat is always that the child is OK with it. But I can't imagine many 12yos wanting to have childcare. Much the same way that DS2 flatly refused to change with me in the women's changing room at the pool by the time he was about 6.

Depends on the child I suppose but when DD was that age I sometimes left her at home all day In the school holidays while I was at work. She was a very sensible child and I worked close to home so could have got back quickly if required. I don't remember being on the phone to her all the time. I am slightly shocked how many people would feel they needed to check on a 12 year old so frequently

It completely depends on the child.

Also, how they've been brought up.

Also what support systems are in place.

To make my comments more robust.... If this is a child who's used to the kitchen, has been using the oven/microwave for years (and knows not to put metal in the microwave, and how to control the cooker) and can boil an egg or cook pasta
PLUS if there's neighbours/friends/family/reliable people who are CLOSE by who the child can easily shout-out to (even if their phone is out of charge) and be confident they'll arrive immediately and reliably and be able to help whatever the situation.

And, lastly... is the child quite robust? Or fearful? How does the child feel about being left alone?

If you can answer those questions, you'll have your answer.

Child has been left for about an hour and a half, but that's all... I've taken younger DC to cinema, while he stayed at home, etc.

I try not to leave DS for more than half a day but if necessary I'd lace him from 8.30-5pm

I leave my just 13 year old home alone all day - probably about 6/7 hours while I'm working during school holidays. I leave him with a charged phone, plenty of food available and instructions on what to do in an emergency.

He's fine, surfs the net (I have parental controls on it), watches tv, and cooks himself lunch/snacks. I think he loves it actually! He would have been too nervous to do it a year ago though.

Hmm, dd is 11 and very sensible. Personally, I would avoid leaving her for longer than 2-3 hours at the moment - maybe 4 at a push. If I really had to leave her all day, I suppose I would (with phone calls to check on her etc) but not sure I'd be happy doing it for several consecutive days, as I think she'd get quite lonely.

In a year or so, I might feel differently.

To make my comments more robust.... If this is a child who's used to the kitchen, has been using the oven/microwave for years (and knows not to put metal in the microwave, and how to control the cooker) and can boil an egg or cook pasta
If a 12 yo NT child can't do these things you have failed as a parent.
Several days is fine if they are happy with it.

My 12 year old was left home alone on inset days last year. This year with her brother (so 13 and 11). No other choice. They are fine.

It would really depend on the child. A nearly thirteen year old secondary school child should be more than capable of looking after themselves. At 11 I travelled half way across London and back daily for school. If they are sensible and have someone to call on who lives nearby and a mobile they should be fine. Not sure about all night at that age but as I said previously it really depends on the child.

My 12 yo? All day. Can't say for anyone else's.

Do you mean in the evening ? Does your ds not go to school? Where will you be?

It will be in the day. I'm at work, he is signed off school by GP

I've left my 12 year old for 4 hours and it felt a bit too long really.

If he is signed off school sick then no you shouldn't leave him.

He is signed off with MH reasons

That's even more reason not to leave him alone then. Can you take parental leave?

I know it may seem it but he is fine at home, will get on with schoolwork, it's just at school it makes him 90% worse. He just needs this break.

I can't take leave atm

In your curcumstances, for that number of days, without building it up over a period of time, no way.

I get what you saying my eldest dd had a terrible time at school was with camhs and missed a lot of school.
However we didn't leave her alone , it just didn't feel right and I think the school would take a very dim view of it if you left him tbh.

I think you have no choice but to take some time of work, or ask a friend or relative that your ds is comfortable with.

Several days is fine if they are happy with it

Please tell me that's a joke ??

Initially I'd say 2 hours in the daytime but since you added he's home for MH reasons no way. No way at all.

I agree it depends on maturity- some 12 years old love to play with matches, while others don't for example.

If he is relatively mature- then i'd say go for it. My parents would leave me with my brother once he started secondary school but all we would do was play on the playstation or watch TV- maybe play in the garden in the summer. We did have neighbours on both sides that my parents were close with though that were around all the time and would pop over to make sure we were OK if it was for more than a couple of hours- is this a possibility?

I don't think I was left alone alone until 13/14.

Just seen your update.

No way OP- not a chance.