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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think online dating might not work for some people?

32 replies

gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:04

I've tried a few but am still very single, and don't know how else to meet people. Everyone just says to try OD but AIBU to think it may not work for some of us.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 22/11/2016 17:08

You may not meet mr/miss right the first time but the same is true of any way of meeting people. I think it may work better for older people as a lot of the young people on there aren't interested in anything long term, which is fine for them but not what everyone wants.

I still can't think of a better way of meeting a large variety of people who are looking for a relationship.

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:10

Well I've been trying on and off for nine years! Grin

OP posts:
michy27 · 22/11/2016 17:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

thecatneuterer · 22/11/2016 17:12

So what's going wrong? Are you not getting initial interest/replies? Or is it that they just don't turn into dates? Or is it that you go on dates but it doesn't go any further?

Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 17:14

Online dating can work better because you meet more of a different variety of people. I met my dh online.

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:15

No initial interest mainly. Any I do get is peculiar.

OP posts:
c3pu · 22/11/2016 17:20

It's a bit hit and miss. You have to have quite a thick skin, and a lot of perseverance to get to the few gems that are hidden amongst the offal.

Some people say that the square peg doesn't fit in the round hole... But sometimes you just need to get a massive fucking hammer.

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:29

Maybe, but how?

OP posts:
Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 17:37

What worked for me was arranging a lowkey afternoon date with someone new every weekend, coffee or a walk or something else I enjoy. It was easier to finish early if someone wasn't the right fit, and in many ways I got to know people better than if I'd taken them to dinner.

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:41

But ... If you're not getting any interest you can't do that really.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 22/11/2016 17:45

Think a lot also depends on where you live. Every single person I know in their 30s (including myself, although now 42) - and that's a lot - have tried online dating. Only one has got married and one other has a LTR. Everyone else has had either a few first and second dates but no more or nothing that lasted beyond 3 months. And that's over the last 6 years. Despite the statistics, odds do not appear to be good.

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:53

I know a lot of people who have married or had a LTR from OD. It just doesn't seem to happen for me, and it's depressing.

OP posts:
Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 17:56

Have you looked at popular women's profiles your age? How do they differ?

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 17:57

Honestly, I think they are mostly just a lot more attractive Blush

OP posts:
SG61 · 22/11/2016 17:59

I have been with my lovely bloke for 2.5 years now - we met online, lived on opposite sides of London, would never have met in real life. But before him there were 12 other dates, lots and lots of "conversations" that went nowhere, some weirdos and one brief relationship. I also tried 4 separate dating sites until I found one that worked for me (and him). So please don't give up, just give it time. And stories of all the ones that don't work out are great for entertaining friends while you're waiting for the right one to come along 😀

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 18:02

I haven't got any of those stories, though. I've only had 3 dates Shock

OP posts:
michy27 · 22/11/2016 18:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 18:07

I personally found match.com really good. I paid for a prof linkedin style full length photo and I widened my search to within 100 miles, with a clear note that said first dates would happen in x city.

Original poster
gloomyjune · 22/11/2016 18:08

I've tried match, not had any joy. But it is probably me!

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 22/11/2016 18:08

I think speed dating might be better for some people as you actually get a feel for their personality and how you interact straight away.

Bluntness100 · 22/11/2016 18:10

Ok, maybe you're not using the best photo, is it a happy friendly smiling one? What about your profile and interests, what do uou say about yourself?

thecatneuterer · 22/11/2016 18:12

Do you contact men yourself, or just wait to be contacted? If it's the latter, try making the first move.

Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 18:14

I always contacted first. That's why I was quite popular despite being overweight & not particularly pretty. Guys could see I was serious.

Colby43443 · 22/11/2016 18:16

You sound like you have a confidence problem tbh Op

SG61 · 22/11/2016 18:16

OK Cupid was my favourite - matched on personality, interests, beliefs and lots of other stuff, although I did answer about 200 questions! But I also got very picky about who I'd respond to and I made the first approach sometimes - including to lovely bloke. Nothing to lose by doing so, and it sounds as though you are waiting for them to make contact? Just need a thick skin for rejections/being ignored!