To be dreading MIL's Christmas Visit?

[reallybadidea]

No entertaining tales of outrageously offensive behaviour I'm afraid, I just find her visits very hard work. She doesn't really 'do' small talk, or indeed any talk at all. She literally just sits there and watches what is going on and any attempts at conversation from us are met with barely any response. She doesn't appear to have any interest in the children and doesn't talk to them either. It makes for an incredibly awkward and frankly miserable atmosphere. To give an idea of what her level of social exchanges are like, she phoned the house phone on Sunday, I answered and literally all she said to me when I answered was 'Is 'e there?' which translates as 'can I speak to my son?'

I don't think she means to be rude but I am so sick of it after 17 years of being married to DH that I'm not sure how I can face potentially another 20+ years of visits like this (she's only 60!). We are kind and hospitable to her and DH says she enjoys her visits, but it is just such hard work having a visitor who makes no attempt at social interactions.

Does anybody else have a relative like this and how do you cope?!

Why did you need to emphasis the 'e in a patronising way?
You sound quite snobby

Lol, I knew someone would pick up on that. Quite a leap of imagination to say that I am snobby when you know nothing of any regional accent that I may have myself, nor my mil's and my own backgrounds.

Most of my inlaws are like this. They bring very little to the party, as it were. No conversation, no humour, very little interaction. Drives me round the bend. I just feed them and leave them to it.

Reallybadidea, at least she is harmless enough I guess. Could you play a family game to force her to interact? Trivial Pursuit? Scrabble? Or charades? Or strip naked or something lol.

Watch films, go for walks, play games? If she's content enough then just accept it and leave her be. Some people just aren't chatty. My FIL never shuts up. He's lovely but it's so annoying. Fortunately MIL tells him he's boring us all and the conversation can move on!

OP, I'm with the person who suggested her hearing might not be very good. The first symptom of hearing loss is being left out of conversations. Does she appear absent minded or ask you to repeat things?

Try to make the visit as short as possible was my view when i had a difficult uncle, before he moved abroad.

Fluffy mine too. They are also extremely negative about everything. Mil actually genuinely tuts. Unless Dh or I make conversation we sit in silence even over Christmas lunch.

Mil also has serious schadenfraude and only perks up when something bad happens to someone else. She is also of the view that because Dh is her son she can treat him how she wants (she even said this). This does not go down well with Dh. We rarely see them.

We often have inlaws over who spend the time doing the crossword and sleeping on the sofa

I don't mind it.

I would give up on the small talk attempts and just leave her be. Just smile and give her cups of tea/gin Maybe also give her the crossword or telly. How does she spend her days when she's at home?

My late grandparent, and still living uncle were incredibly hard work conversationally.
My MIL is the opposite - talks incessantly about everything, it's like she's afraid of silence.
I'd take the quiet ones over the non-stop talkers any day! I understand why you're dreading the visit, but think you need to find some coping strategies. It's not like it's every year as you said it's your turn?

"is e there?"...

Is she Yorkshire? I know it is a steriotype but many Yorkshire types are actually very frugal with words. Regardless I agree with Rachel (above)..

I hope you can enjoy Christmas. Sit her in s corner where she can see everything going on and feed her some of he favourite treats.. It may be that at the end of the day she will start to talk...

When MIL phones up and says 'Is e there', you could say 'hello to you too (name)', sarcasm is the way to go here I think.

I wouldn't be sarcastic with her to be honest.
'Is 'e there?' 'Yup 'Es ere' hand phone over.
Jigsaws and maybe a word puzzle book. A couple of magazines on the coffee table, loads of booze and snacks and leave her to it.
You've done your bit by hosting and throwing a few conversational gambits in. If she doesn't play ball there's nothing more for you to do except get pissed.
I reckon her hearing is going though. MIL can appear detached here but then I realised she can't hear half of what's being said!

OP I've been there. Technically this year is not 'our' year but DH feels he has to ask if his Mum wants to come for Christmas. I am dreading her saying yes especially as I'd have to put my foot down over the length of visit. Previously she's come on the 22nd and stays until the 5th! Last year almost brought us to our knees so it can never be that long again.

MIL doesn't interact with our children, just wants to sit on the couch and make critical comments. I had a thread over the summer when she and a friend came for 5 days (they stayed in a B&B) and they sat on our couch from 10am-8pm without moving.

I don't mind her coming but it'll be 23rd-27th max.

You win shake. Though the feeling of elation after dropping silent critical in laws off at the coach station is hard to beat. I may have punched the air

she and a friend came for 5 days (they stayed in a B&B) and they sat on our couch from 10am-8pm without moving.

I'd like to read that thread Shake.:)

My FIL was a very silent man. He is also extremely deaf and has cataracts, both things he refuses to do anything about. So he used to come for Christmas for about 5 days and just sit there. He could not hear the conversation so would not speak. He used to enjoy reading but could not read. My suggestions that I read the paper to him were turned down with some irritation.

It was pretty hard. But for a few years we just left him to it and got on with things. I think jigsaws and the like would have been wonderful, if he could have seen them!

Oh, forgot to say .... one year when DH had dropped him home, he came back and we drank LOADS of vodka. It was a particularly bad year that one. :) We would redo Christmas dinner every New Year's day because he hated what we wanted to cook for Christmas. So NYD was a second christmas for us.

I will miss my FIL though. I was extremely fond of him, difficult though he was.

Unfortunately, in situations like this, never has the phrase 'you pick your friends but not your relatives' been truer. TBH, xmas is probably the one time that you spend long periods of time with your families, and I have to say there are people I just don't like spending time with, i.e. My BIL, but I just get on with it. I doubt your Mil is going to change at this late stage of her life, and as she is obviously a big part of your husband's life, you can't cut her off, so there's not a lot you can do, other than maybe pop on here and rant a bit to get it off your chest during her visits.

KERALA1 the air punch! Yes! We usually break open the Baileys and enjoy being able to relax . Will see if I can find a link to the summer thread.

It was in Chat so gone forever now. All that shows in Chat is this glimpse (recently name changed).

My Mum took the pair of them out one morning while I was work. She said she'd keep them out as long as she could. MIL demanded to be brought back before noon as my DH doesn't like her being out . DH was tearing his hair out!

They waited to be fed, for their dishes to be collected and watched game shows. A few weeks later we went on holiday an hour from MIL and popped in to see her en route which is when she announced she and friend would be visiting us on holiday!

On the day the left an hour earlier than they arranged and then MIL moaned because we insisted on going out when she wanted to sit in the caravan.

Sorry OP for derailing .

Mil also has serious schadenfraude and only perks up when something bad happens to someone else.

Mine is just the same!