Someone please help me?

[IndieBamBindi]

I don't know how to articulate this but I will try.
I have two DC and have just found out I am pregnant with a third. It was a contraception failure.
I always wanted four or five kids but after my last one I decided I was finished as they were a very difficult baby, I also suffer horrendous hyperemesis with both.
Pregnancy one I got through because I had noone to look after. Pregnancy two I got through because my first DC was at school all day and also old enough to understand and was content on bad days to just chill with me on the sofa reading books and watching films in between me puking and napping.
I do not know how I will cope this time.
I understand how insensitive this may sound but all I have done since I found out is cry and feel anxious. Every morning I wake up and feel ok for a split second. Then I remember and my heart drops. If I could wake up and this had all been a dream I would do it and probably just feel massive relief.
Dh was over the moon when we found out, and told he's parents etc straight away.
To him it was a no brainier that we have the baby. There is no real reason not to. Enough rooms, financially very comfortable etc
So why has this hit me like a tonne of bricks? I feel like someone has their hand around my throat and is squeezing.
The thought of doing this all again, combined with terrifying birth and then newborn stage combined with a jealous toddler...sorry to sound dramatic but I feel like I've given myself a death sentence and I know that is not normal.
Not keeping the baby is not an option.
Already been to the doctor and booked in etc
We just com out the other side of the hardest year with our youngest and life was looking pretty good, I feel as though I've just gone and fucked it all up.
Has anyone out there had experience of this? It would really help to know I'm not alone and I'm not just an ungrateful monster.

booboo would you mind telling me what you had to say to convince them? If you don't mind of course.
I would say if they said yes it would take away around 80% of my anxiety

Overall it's worth noting that NICE guidelines support a woman's request for CS and if your consultant refuses he/she has to refer you to someone else. In practice you may find someone sympathetic immediately or you may have to push and stand your ground.

Mental distress is a perfectly valid reason for a CS request so you may want to ask on these grounds.

I chose CS based on my risk assessment of birth options which is a very personal thing. For me the risks of something going wrong with a VB are low but when they occur they can be catastrophic for the baby, whereas the risks of CS might be more likely but are less likely to be severe and affect the mother. I didn't have my CS in then U.K., I had a consultant who had experienced first hand a VB which went very very wrong with his first child and he was very understanding so I didn't have to say much.

There is a lot of information on the risks of CS online, it's worth reading up on it to show the doctor you have made an informed decision. Also you may want someone with you (DH?) to advocate for you if you are feeling really rough from the HG.

I'm furious at your GP on your behalf OP. Not only have they said they're not going to help you, but also attempted to humiliate you for seeking help in the first place.
How about writing to the practice to advise them that you requested treatment for HG & this is the response you received. They did not seem to be educated on the condition and ask them to direct you to a practitioner that can provide the treatment you need.
I completely understand why you feel the way you do OP.

I had an elective csection with my first. My reasons were bad SPD, dreadful family history when giving birth and being terrified of not being in control.

First consultant was an absolute bitch that really should be kept away from patients, second one (male fwiw) said well, vaginal is ideal but ultimately it's your choice. I chose!

And I second that you could blame a miscarriage if you did feel a termination is the right choice for you, especially under 12 weeks as they are sadly very common.

So I've had some more time to think things over.
Abortion is not the right option for me, so I am going to have to go ahead and just try to make the best of things.
I had read all the useful advice, we have made a game plan to cope with the next seven months if my hg comes in full force
Help with school runs, dh will take kids out to clubs etc on a weekend.
He is also going to be cooking dinners and helping with housework.
We can get a cleaner for couple hours on a Friday. He will ask/pay his mum to iron l work and school uniforms.
I go baby group with an understanding friend who would take over with my toddler if I had to run off to be sick or whatever.
I will just have to get through it.
I will also be requesting a c section nearer the time, hopefully they respect my wishes.
Anxiety has me this morning like a death grip round the throat.
I have also looked into sterilisation and if I am approved for a c section I will be sterilised at the same time, if not I will ask after to be put forward for it.
Thankyou again so much it really has helped to get some non judgemental advice.

Lastly is there anyone out there who felt like I do, and it turns out ok? They loved their baby, baby fitted in, other DC loved the baby etc

I feel as though this baby is about to be thrown into out lovely life and just fuck it all up and I feel beyond guilty saying such a thing.

Indie, how you are feeling is not uncommon. You will without a doubt be looking back in a year wondering how your family could ever have been complete without your #4.

OP I understand the anxiety. I suffered with HG with my DD, I literally could not even think about having another baby for 3 years, 18months in and I still remembered far to easily how horrendous I felt the whole pregnancy. I I don't understand your GPs advice though, i was given medication at 7/8weeks? Maybe ask to see a different GP

Dh keeps saying a year from me we would be looking forward to Christmas with a four month old. All this a distant memory, and I would be safe knowing I never have to go through the hg again as hopefully I've been sterilised by then.

I hope so.

You can do it! Head down and one day at a time.

Hi you can do it OP.

I would say (based on neighbour who now has a 3 month old, 2.5 year old and 5 year old) if you could get your MIL to help out with childcare as well as your baby group friend as this is what my neighbour did, her mum came and lived with her (neighbour worked then) to help out with child care for a few months and her mum came over with summer to stay and help and also is just over to help out and stay before or during Christmas (neighbour doesn't work now!) I think it just helps having an extra pair of hands!

I had thought she'd be easier not being at work but oh no! She is in bed at 8.30/9pm most evenings and toddler doesn't nap! She is hoping her mum will take out toddler during day a bit so she can grab half an hour to an hour by herself with the baby!

It actually really feels good to hear people saying " you can do this.

You won't have any choice (as in you won't be able not to) in loving the new gang member when they arrive so don't overthink it now.

What do you already have? I wonder if you're getting another boy or girl....😊

I was in exactly the same place as you , 35 years ago.
Found out a week before Christmas. Contraception failure. Shocked to be offered an abortion which I didn't want. Couldn't do anyway. Cried for a week, then just got on with it. Wasn't excited in the least.
Husband didn't want another one but supported me.

Had girl and boy who were 4 and two when baby was born.
Imagined this beautiful blue eyed, blonde hared little girl like my first child.
I got a little boy with a cleft lip and palate and other defects.

Life's so cruel at times but I loved him. So did his dad . Fought for him. Protected him. Got him through his countless operations and it was bloody hard ...it was just meant to be.

I've got 3 beautiful grandsons from him that I wouldn't have had and I wouldn't be without.

You can do this ad hopefully it will turn out better than my scenario.

in the nick two dds

dowser sorry to hear what you went through. But it sounds as though you loved him straight away regardless of it all. Which is what I'm hoping will happen to me.