Someone please help me?

[IndieBamBindi]

I don't know how to articulate this but I will try.
I have two DC and have just found out I am pregnant with a third. It was a contraception failure.
I always wanted four or five kids but after my last one I decided I was finished as they were a very difficult baby, I also suffer horrendous hyperemesis with both.
Pregnancy one I got through because I had noone to look after. Pregnancy two I got through because my first DC was at school all day and also old enough to understand and was content on bad days to just chill with me on the sofa reading books and watching films in between me puking and napping.
I do not know how I will cope this time.
I understand how insensitive this may sound but all I have done since I found out is cry and feel anxious. Every morning I wake up and feel ok for a split second. Then I remember and my heart drops. If I could wake up and this had all been a dream I would do it and probably just feel massive relief.
Dh was over the moon when we found out, and told he's parents etc straight away.
To him it was a no brainier that we have the baby. There is no real reason not to. Enough rooms, financially very comfortable etc
So why has this hit me like a tonne of bricks? I feel like someone has their hand around my throat and is squeezing.
The thought of doing this all again, combined with terrifying birth and then newborn stage combined with a jealous toddler...sorry to sound dramatic but I feel like I've given myself a death sentence and I know that is not normal.
Not keeping the baby is not an option.
Already been to the doctor and booked in etc
We just com out the other side of the hardest year with our youngest and life was looking pretty good, I feel as though I've just gone and fucked it all up.
Has anyone out there had experience of this? It would really help to know I'm not alone and I'm not just an ungrateful monster.

I wanted to die during HG, it was the darkest hole I've ever been in. Get all the support you can and don't feel an ounce of guilt.

Oh Indie, it must be a shock for you Sweet.
You need to make an appointment with your GP, and have a nice chat, say exactly how you feel, don't leave any stone unturned.
Every pregnancy is different, however, your health is paramount.
Try not to get too upset, until you have explored every avenue.
Some things are just meant to be, everything probably will, turn out fine.
Take care, and sort this now 🌺

Thankyou everyone for replies.
I have been to the gp he has said it's far too early to give me any medication, only 7 weeks but the nausea has started. He has put a note on the system for when I see midwives for then to be aware early on that I get seriously sick and may need medication earlier than they like.
I feel as though I'm waiting for something terrible to happen, like a big black cloud is now over me, one I caused myself and one I cannot get out of now.
Posters are right that sadly I feel that if he hadn't told everyone I probably would have looked further into terminating even if I hadn't gone through with it the option was there

If it helps I really don't understand my feelings as we tried for three years for our now todddler and had help. We were over the moon so so happy.
This time was an accident even whilst being careful. Sods law I believe they call it.

Answer to questions toddler is 18 months, I could afford a cleaner a few hours a week, but not any childcare.

Family is nearby and al work but would chip in at times if I really needs them.

I just wish it was all over already.

The fear of HG is overwhelming me.

I will try to use today to try to make sense of my feelings

Thankyou to everyone it feels a bit better already to just tslk about it as I tried to say to a few close family and they look at me like I'm crazy and basically said, well it's a bit late now you better just get used to it.

If you feel you really can't cope with another baby then book an appointment for a termination. But talk to someone first and make sure that it is exactly what you want to do. See a counselor/doctor whatever, but talk to someone first .

I think you need to buy in help.

I don't think it's a baby I can't cope with. I honestly believe that when you feel unwell and are being ill its hard to imagine being well again and having the baby. The way I feel today I can't look after myself it's hard to imagine looking after a baby as well.
But of course I won't be like that after.

Curr I'm so sorry for your loss x

OP, I totally understand. If you have the money, get a part time nanny for the worst of the pregnancy. Don't put yourself through this alone. I only managed a third because I had a nanny for #1 and #2 and a low pressure job I do from home. I basically lay in bed with my laptop slowly working through my work and napping/puking etc when I needed. It was hell but bearable because I knew help was just around the corner. My DH has never really understood how bad it is, and he works 24/7 so I couldn't lean on him but pay the money and get the help.

If you feel you really can't cope with another baby then book an appointment for a termination. But talk to someone first and make sure that it is exactly what you want to do. See a counselor/doctor whatever, but talk to someone first .

Are you not in the timeframe for RU486? That's not invasive and you could simply tell everyone you had a miscarriage.

Sorry, just saw you said you can't afford childcare. Are you sure you couldn't pinch some pennies? Enough to have some local lady come in as a mothers help 3 mornings a week for example so you can leave kids in Jammies and go back to bed the moment she arrives? She could do some laundry, prep dinner and keep an eye on the kids. I aware if we're to have a fourth I'm saving up now to live a life of no responsibility during the pregnancy.

It may be a stretch financially but might you be able to afford an au pair during the pregnancy? Cost is about £75-90 per week plus their food and you provide them with a bedroom. They can work around 25 hours a week so would give you time to rest. If you had them for a year that would cover pregnancy and newborn stage. Or 6 months to cover the worst of the pregnancy.

If you have had bad birth experiences, remember you are entitled to a planned c-section if you want.

I think you need to have a serious chat with your DH. Make it very clear to him that your previous experiences of pregnancy were so bad that you would have preferred never to get pregnant again. Ask him what he is going to do to support you. What jobs can he take over to make your life easier? It's all very well him being delighted but he is not the one with months of feeling like crap ahead of him. He has to shoulder much more of the burden that he probably realises.

minipie if someone told me tomorrow I could have a planned c section I would feel instantly a whole heap better.
Ia that really true?
My friend recently had her baby. She requested a c section and saw a consultant and he told her no.
I've done this twice and found it barbaric and with no pain relief. I want a c section but they will say no.
Anyone have any experience of this?

YES it is true that you are entitled to have a c section if you want.

Some doctors will - wrongly - say no but it is your right so if you insist you absolutely should be given one. Ask for a different doctor if necessary. Your friend's consultant was out of order

here is the link to the NHS page.

It says "If you're anxious about giving birth, you should be offered the chance to discuss your anxiety with a healthcare professional who can offer support during your pregnancy and labour. If after discussion and support you still feel that a vaginal birth isn't an acceptable option, you're entitled to have a planned caesarean."

They probably will try to persuade you to have a natural birth but remember it is your right to have a c section (the NHS official says so).

Why did you have no pain relief before sounds like you need to find a different hospital!

It's rubbish they can't give you medication that early. With both of mine I had medication before 8 weeks as with first was hospitalised and second they wanted to prevent. I would go back to doctors and talk to them again. Unfortunately I found the gp not great at treating hyperemesis until I passed out in front of him and ended up on a drip at hospital. Your husband really does need to help you out especially as he has now told everyone. Talk to midwife about c section. If they see it's effecting you mentally I'm sure they will try and help

Lots of good advice above, especially re getting extra help, both now and after the birth. Do remember that every pregnancy and delivery is different, and it is not a given that you will have horrendous sickness again this time round. It does tend to get less severe with each pregnancy.
You are in a state of shock right now, and hormones won't be helping. Be kind to yourself and give it a week or two to sink in. You don't need to do anything right away except get through the day ahead of you. Take it a day at a time and hopefully you will start to feel better once the initial shock wears off. If you are still feeling this way in a week or two, have a chat with your GP. It is possible to get antenatal depression too..
Good luck

Yes, you can have an elective Caesarian OP.

I sympathise with you, after three hyper emetic pregnancies if I fell again now (with a 6 month old) I would want to curl up and die.

If youre definitely going to carry on the pregnancy and you're financially comfortable it's a good idea to make a plan now for how you can handle this pregnancy as well as possible if HG rears its ugly head again.
1)Consider getting a cleaner and a nanny or other childcare so you can rest in bed as much as possible.
2)Discuss your risk of HG with your midwife and GP and try to get them on board with a medication plan to try and keep you as comfortable and hydrated as possible.
3)Contact Pregnancy Sickness Support for advice and support with talking to your GP if you think he/she may not be supportive.
4)Join the Facebook group Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I found this international support group invaluable when I was going through it with my last pregnancy.
5) Be kind to yourself! You're not a monster, what you're feeling is valid and understandable considering the living hell that is HG.
6) give yourself time to adjust, you don't have to be excited about this baby yet, many women go through pregnancy dreading the thought of a baby and sometimes feeling no love at all until the baby comes and in the hours, days or weeks they fall in love with their new baby. Totally normal.

m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=223702741033538

www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk

Hello,
I am sorry that you are feeling so anxious and worried.

Is it just the pregnancy and birth that is worrying you, or is it having another baby/child as well? If you could skip the pregnancy and birth and just be handed your newborn would that take away all of your concerns?

I was just wondering whether it would help you to try to unpick your concerns to help you get to the crux of what is worrying you. Do you quite simply not want another child, or is it just some parts of pregnancy, birth and having a young baby that you are dreading?

I hope that you are able to get the help you need from your GP, DH, MW or elsewhere. You are not alone. Talking about your feelings is a brilliant first step.

I did a HG pregnancy with a then 18-27 month old.

I'm not going to lie, it was grim, but I got through it eventually.

If you want this baby, you will cope, if you don't want the baby, then you don't have to.

HG is a serious illness and nobody who has had it would judge you for feeling like you do.

Although I would still have my worries, yes if I could skip this whole thing and be given my baby I would be happier.
I just feel as though I don't have the metal and physical strength to get through the nezt seven months.
Although one poster has said to hold on to hope that not every pregnancy is the same.
I will pray and pray and I don't get it this time

I told the gp that often testing earlier can be useful to prevent the worst of it. He smirked and said 'morning sickness cannot be prevented'

I will speak with the consultant regards to c section, I am already receiving help for my terrible health anxiety.

I need to feel in control and not in pain this time, I want a calm organised c section.

Not left labouring for hours with no pain relief crying like a fucking farmyard animal.

What women sometimes have to go through is just not humane. I've bad two experience like this.

Sorry OP I was so eager to jump in and support I didn't read the thread and have just seen you can't afford childcare.
Can your family of DHs family help out? Please consider contacting PSS they can give you so much support and advise and the Facebook group is full of wondering ladies who support without judgement. Wishing you well, hope it all works out.

I had my son when my 2 daughters were 3 years and 18 months. I also have a chronic health condition. I got help in the form of a 17 year old who was studying childcare at college. I put an advert on Gumtree and she answered. I couldn't have coped without her. She took the girls to the park and played with the kids and prepared lunch etc and we hung out. She also did a bit of cleaning and I was there all the time to watch as she was young but I never had an issue with anything. I really recommend you get some help like this. Even just for a few hours a day if you can't afford more (that's what I did) good luck OP

Find a new GP.

There is a wonderful HG support group on here, well worth popping in. A few people on that thread have been started on meds for HG while TTC so there are definitely medications you can try. The HG webpage has guidance on this that you could print out and show to your GP. Also obs and gynea guidelines here
www.rcog.org.uk/globalassets/documents/guidelines/green-top-guidelines/gtg69-hyperemesis.pdf

You can also request a CS. I had two ELCSs and they were both calm, wonderful experiences.

Maybe the hg won't be has bad this time? I had two hg pregnancies but my last two were non hg pregnancies (I have a 10, 8, 7 year old and 3 month old)..i had extreme morning sickness with the last two but it wasn't full on hg (only 1 hospital stay for dyhydration). All I can say is you will get through it but just take each day has it comes. Don't think about the whole 9 months because it's a long time. I had sever sickness with my last and had to take a great deal of time off work . I remember how opressive it is. I badly wanted to not feel so sick, to eat stuff i like but it does pass. Have you tried ondanzatron? Its very very good. Make sure you have meds tbat work well too. Also get the docs to check thyroid and iron levels because of those are out of wack it can make you feel worse. You can do this. Three is lovely by the way...it will be worth it in the end.