To ask you to make a big life decision for me

[ShouldIBuyOrShouldIGo]

Do I buy a house - or rather do DP and I buy it? We live in a city we love but its far from family. DP lost his job 18months ago and has been looking after the DC, writing a book (has a prestigious academic book contract but no salary or big advance) whilst getting rejected again and again from a variety of institutions. I had to go back fulltime when DS2 was 5months (all a bit but necessary and I do like my job).
My parents have v v v generously offered to gift us a deposit of more money than I earn in a year which means I could get a morgage.

We have seen a house.
Small lounge,
old small kitchen,
Outside loo that is now inside thanks to a plastic roofed lean to
weird dining room currently full of fridge, tumble drier, etc that doesn't fit in kitchen.
One bedroom downstairs
2 lovely big bedrooms upstairs
1 odd room you have to walk through to get to the bathroom (which is big but has a big shower rather than bath).
And No central heating!!!
Lots of potential
Nice area, quiet near park and beach

Do we buy? On paper paying off a morgages rather than renting would save us nearly £200 a month. Or am I crazy to move a young family (2 and 8 months) into a house that needs work when DP might get a job anywhere in the country (although it hasn't happened in 18months so not holding my breath).... Oh and DP is lukewarm on the house...
Do we put an offer in?

Go for it. Save the £200/m and use it to do the place up.

I was in a similar position, when I split up with my long term partner I moved out and bought a shit house.

It's shit, as it's from the 30's and had never been decorated (had some small modernisation though, like ancient central heating and ancient double glazing). Original kitchen and bathroom etc.

However, it has absolutely stacks of potential. It's been frustrating at times, but after doing up the kitchen/bathroom on a shoestring budget (second hand off of ebay!) and replacing the boiler and some windows etc it's slowly becoming a really nice place to live.

I would never have been able to afford anything comparable to how it will be when I get it finished.

Based on what you've said, am I right in thinking your dp is in the academic job market? In which case, he not only could end up working anywhere in he country, but most likely would at least initially be doing so on short-term teaching fellowships/part time contracts etc for at least a couple of years, meaning it would be madness to relocate as soon as he gets a new position.

Does the area you're in now have good access to London, or is it near your family? Realistically, you'll have to expect a few years of your DP long distance commuting- I know v few academic couples in particular where long distance train travel didn't go ok for several years, even with children. We did this for quite a while from London, my job was there and it's the largest concentration of universities in the country so we hoped something would turn up. But then dp got a job many hours away, I tried and failed to get a job in the same place but we also soon realised if I did I would have v little freedom to move career-wise, and so we've recently bought a house somewhere that he can commute to his uni- not an ideal distance, but manageable with air bnb- that is closer to lots of other places he could get jobs.

Agree with what other people have said re: fixer-upper, id also factor in ability to rent it out which you couldn't do if it was in desperate need of repair. However, if I'm right about where he's at job-wise, I wouldn't necessarily rule out buying before he's more stable. You just have to feel confident you're somewhere that you want to make your base- for us, we figure we could be 5 years till DH gets a permanent post close to where we want to be, and we want the enhanced security of not being at the whim of landlords. But we've also moved 'home' ie where we're both from.

As an aside, I hated this house when we first viewed it, but we'd seen closer to 40 properties so I knew it was the best fit. As others have said, think about exactly what works for you, where you'll end up and what will give you most security- if you are flexible in your work, and know you'll follow dp wherever he gets a position, then buying now doesn't seem sensible.

Glad you have had a good honest talk and came to the right decision for your family. Good luck with everything OP!

I once bought a house with lots of issues, it pretty much had to be gutted and redone. It was a nightmare, I hated living there, I was totally miserable and I didn't have kids! So no, I wouldn't buy this place.

Where do you live? Are there really no other alternatives?

no - we've bought our house last year. build in 50s, lovingly maintained for all but the last 4 years. survey brought out sime minor issues
costs so far ( we are in surrey)

• £1600: replacing supporting wall in garden to prevent it sliping, getting rid of 3 trees way to big for the garden and destroying the suporting wall, putting in fences
• £600 for new lounge window (small but expanding crack and had gone musty anyway)

-£800 new guttering ( old one was from 50s and was blicked solud all the way - cleaning it would have been more expensive!) -£250 several minor plumbing and maintainance issues around the house we did ourselves: -painting/treating all woodwork

• slip proofing stairs
• fixing kitchen cupboards

list for next year:

• treating cast iron balcony rail

-new front door (old one has cracked wood and glass)

• new garage door (old one is really rusty - it will break soon)

-replace downstairs loo and handwash bassin (both cracked but usable), fux plumbing in there longer term (2-5 years time)

• boiler us 15 years old, radiators are antique

-roof will need some care (nothibg major though)

• upstairs bathroom is in need of a plumbing update, but not urgent (yet)

and that is a maintained house with minor issues!

I would definitely buy a house, but definitely not this one.
It can take time to find what you are looking for, be patient, it will happen.

Please consider having documented evidence of how much capital you are personally investing while you aren't married. It will save significant heart ache later on if your relationship were to break down.

Also consider the implications of your DP doing significant amounts of the improvements. make sure both your and your DPs expectations are clear as to whether that equates to financial contribution and if so how much.

Nothing worse that having a battle over money with him claiming he wants xyz because he invested and not being in agreement from the get-go

Sorry because he invested effort rather than ££ (the law doesn't protect the DIYer in terms of how much, you both need to discuss and agree.)

You'd need to spend a lot of money to bring this property up to currently acceptable living standards, OP. I'd think very carefully about buying it.