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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you to make a big life decision for me

84 replies

ShouldIBuyOrShouldIGo · 21/11/2016 20:50

Do I buy a house - or rather do DP and I buy it? We live in a city we love but its far from family. DP lost his job 18months ago and has been looking after the DC, writing a book (has a prestigious academic book contract but no salary or big advance) whilst getting rejected again and again from a variety of institutions. I had to go back fulltime when DS2 was 5months (all a bit but necessary and I do like my job).
My parents have v v v generously offered to gift us a deposit of more money than I earn in a year which means I could get a morgage.

We have seen a house.
Small lounge,
old small kitchen,
Outside loo that is now inside thanks to a plastic roofed lean to
weird dining room currently full of fridge, tumble drier, etc that doesn't fit in kitchen.
One bedroom downstairs
2 lovely big bedrooms upstairs
1 odd room you have to walk through to get to the bathroom (which is big but has a big shower rather than bath).
And No central heating!!!
Lots of potential
Nice area, quiet near park and beach

Do we buy? On paper paying off a morgages rather than renting would save us nearly £200 a month. Or am I crazy to move a young family (2 and 8 months) into a house that needs work when DP might get a job anywhere in the country (although it hasn't happened in 18months so not holding my breath).... Oh and DP is lukewarm on the house...
Do we put an offer in?

OP posts:

SailingThroughTime · 21/11/2016 21:52

Don't do it unless you have the cash to do all the work before or as soon as you move in. Unless you love spending your spare cash and your free time on it as a project, it will eat your life up.

notrocketscience · 21/11/2016 21:53

Looked at your floor plan. What a lot of potential. It's the end of November now, by the time everything is sorted you probably wouldn't complete until end of January so not too long until spring.
Central heating wasn't always a given and there are other ways to heat a home in the meantime.
I would go for it but if your dp is really not keen then it could cause relationship problems later on?

krustykittens · 21/11/2016 21:54

I would buy it because I firmly believe you should always buy a house you can add value to. It sounds like it would put lot of people off, so their might even be a deal to be done.

Shakey15000 · 21/11/2016 21:57

Ooh thanks

So it's a 3 bed upstairs and a bathroom upstairs also?

I'd knock through the lounge to make a massive lounge/diner and use the random inbetweeny room as a study/play room leading to an extended kitchen and lose the downstairs loo. This assuming you only need three beds?

MsRinky · 21/11/2016 21:57

To be honest, if it hasn't been snapped up by a developer, it's probably because it isn't a good investment. Your husband could be super handy, but that still doesn't mean he could complete a major building project whilst doing full-time childcare and writing a book! The £200 a month you would "save" on rent (whilst interest rates are at an all-time low) won't even cover buildings insurance and keeping the place warm.

CocktailQueen · 21/11/2016 21:57

But if your dh isn't that keen, then no! People on here wouldn't be saying to a man, 'yes, go ahead, buy the house' if his wife didn't like it!

Sounds like an awful lot of work, and with one breadwinner ... No. Keep looking.

chocolateworshipper · 21/11/2016 22:04

no - too much work

JaniceBattersby · 21/11/2016 22:08

We renovate houses while we live in them. We've done some pretty big projects including our current house where we knocked the whole back wall off to put an extension on. We do all the work ourselves.

There is no way I'd buy that house with two kids, unless I could afford to rent somewhere else for six months and get the whole lot done by tradesmen.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 21/11/2016 22:11

For reference OP it cost us £5k to have central heating fitted, about £6k to double glaze the whole house, £2k for a small b&q kitchen. We were lucky, my dad fitted the kitchen (and the bathroom, which we were lucky about coz we got it from free cycle).

That was over the course of 7 years. We got a loan for the kitchen and central heating and have done the windows piecemeal.

I think you would be making a bad mistake. I really do.

CoolCarrie · 21/11/2016 22:11

If it was just the two of you then yes, but we two wee ones, no.
As pp have said it is going to take a hell of a lot of work and money, you have no experience of doing up houses, and god knows what problems there are with it, it could be a total money pit and would cause problems in your marriage if dh isn't fully on board with it. There will be other houses out there perfect for all of you.

Pollyanna9 · 21/11/2016 22:12

Only buy it if you can afford to do it up fairly quickly because it sounds in need of complete and total refurbishment including creating a corridor to enable access to the bedroom, knocking kitchen and dining room into one so it's big enough, knocking down and properly building the plastic roofed lean-to, new boiler, new central heating system, probably new wiring, probably some replastering, labour costs, whatever else needs doing.

Tot up the costs and see whether it would be financially doable.

You can waste money on surveys because the mortgage lenders are now VERY picky (and I mean VERY) about what type of construction they will accept. You can get your mortgage offer but then they come back with a survey valuation of £0 (happened to me!) and they won't mortgage it at all. Or the survey could simply find damp in the walls requiring new gutters/roofing/ventilation/double glazing/insulation plus joists under floors can be rotten and need replacing... the list goes on.

And unless you've both fallen for the place beach or not, then it sounds like it is not the right place for you because of the commitment that would be needed to live through all the upheaval and plaster dust to make the place right for you and a modern family lifestyle.

Confutatis · 21/11/2016 22:15

Just think hard about your total situation.
DH lukewarm, some odd features to the house (I'd always prefer bigger rooms downstairs and smaller upstairs bedrooms personally), not sounding too promising. But when DH does get the job he wants (keep believing!) if you are renting you are in a great position to move! Having to sell at that time on cue is a stress. I am going through it now...

Italiangreyhound · 21/11/2016 22:18

Find a house that is the area you want to live, that needs minimal work (unless you like DIY, are good at it and have nothing much else to do) and then take up your parents generous offer and become home owners.

Just curous but why might your dh work anywhere in the country? Is he applying for jobs anywhere in the country?

I;d say that a realistic home should be within striking distance of your work and your dh's potential places to find work, unless he wants to be a stay at home dad for a long time, which it sounds like not. So a nice home by countryside and/or seaside needs some good links to a town or industry he may work in (unless he is a farmer or fisherman!).

So to recap, is the home you buy the kind of place you can live in for quite a while, close enough to work and potential work, big enough for your needs and will it NOT suck the life out of you in DIY?

If yes, then go for it, if no, then I would counsel caution.

PS we looked at 40 houses before we bought this one. We have been here just over a decade and I still love it. It is big enough for us and we have done the minimal amount to keep it in shape and livable in. Unless you like DIY and are good at it, or can afford to pay people to renovate, I would say do not buy a fixer-upper, it will cost you time and energy and really these are the most vital things any of us have. Way more valuable than money (IMHO), good luck.

AllotmentyPlenty · 21/11/2016 22:19

Also looked at 40 houses before I bought this one.

Original poster

ShouldIBuyOrShouldIGo · 21/11/2016 22:22

Wow! Thank you Mumsnet!!! I have just shown this thread to DP (after apologising for my honest but not v flattering summary of his work situation) and we have talked and thought more tonight about house buying than ever and got some good thinking done!
We won't make an offer. Lovely as the house is we have no financial cushion at all and ultimately people are right the stress could be too high at this time.
So Thank you good mumsnetters for a decision well made. I am off to bed hopefully to dream of DP all manly, toolbelted and diyesque as mumsnet portrayed him!

OP posts:

Arborea · 21/11/2016 22:25

Another one who lived to regret buying a doer upper (we lost about £25k on it, partly because of the credit crunch, but also because we paid too much for it). Having 2 small DC now (we didn't when we bought the doer upper) there is no way on earth I would do it again. Our current house is a fairly modern unexceptional box house on a small estate and I love it!

MsJudgemental · 21/11/2016 22:38

You are right- location, location, location. The worst house in a great area is worth far more than the best house in a shit area. How do you feel when you visit? What's your gut reaction? Do you love it, despite it's current negatives? Could you make it your home?

indigox · 21/11/2016 22:49

It sounds like hell with two young children during winter.

RebelandaStunner · 21/11/2016 22:58

Sounds like a bad idea. Find another house.

Wallywobbles · 22/11/2016 05:30

Can you draw us floor plans?

NightWanderer · 22/11/2016 06:33

Tough decision but I think you made the right one. Good luck to your DP and his job hunting.

MsJamieFraser · 22/11/2016 06:37

In all honestly they way you have described this house I would say not a chance in hell would I buy it.

SeasonalVag · 22/11/2016 07:06

OP you'd be better off buying a flat, and trading up in a couple of years....You don't need your forever home just yet, but getting yourself on property ladder should be a priority.

GrabtharsHammer · 22/11/2016 07:54

It's a big house, if it were me I'd be looking for a smaller, better house.

We bought a do up when our eldest were small, it wasn't as bad as the one you posted but needed a new kitchen, new bathroom and loads of cosmetic work. We were there for six years. It took us four years (and a small inheritance) to do the kitchen, the bathroom never got done and while we did get it looking ok there was still loads I wasn't happy with (the front door was awful, the interior doors were shit, it had badly made built in cupboards everywhere, the heating was dodgy). We sold it for a whacking profit £100k more than we paid) but most of that was house prices rising. We had overpaid the mortgage and saved £60k while we were there because we knew it wasn't our forever home.

We bought a (huge!) new build this time and I cant tell you how lovely it is, no diy, everything works perfectly and is shiny and new, it's beautiful.

I would keep looking, and go for something smaller that needs a bit of tlc, but not a complete refurb) overpay the mortgage, save as much as possible. Then buy your dream house in five years or so.

Gazelda · 22/11/2016 08:06

I'm in the no camp. If your DP is lukewarm, then he will likely as not be an unenthusiastic DIYer, or resent having to do the majority of the childcare while you do the DIY.
I've lived through this sort of refurbishment. Unless you've got sufficient funds to do each section in one go, then it feels like a never ending slog. Doing one bit then saving for the next is really tedious. And there's always another expense which delays the budget. E.g. You might get the pipe work done for the central heating, then the washing machine packs up and you've got a delay of 2 months before you can get the heating working.

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