No one cares about my vagina

[Fauxgina]

I have had a bad pelvic organ prolapse since the birth of my son nearly 4 years ago. I was relatively symptom free at the time and I was told to finish having my family and when I had stopped having babies I could get fixed up. I went on to have one more child.

My symptoms have been getting worse -

chronic pain needing daily painkillers
faecal incontinence
pain during sex and after orgasm
lack of sensation during sex
cervical irritation and spotting
needing to pee 10 times a day
difficulty walking on occasion
and more.

My youngest is 2 and he will be my last.

Women's health in the NHS is so chronically underfunded that so far I've been waiting 18 months and I am being told to wait at least 6 more before we can schedule an operation in.

I am mad as hell.

I'm cross about the lack of treatment I've received so far. I'm angry I have to wait months in between invasive and horrible tests. I'm mad I have to chase appointments. I'm mad that no one really cares that I am a young 30 year old woman whose life is in limbo and I have to continue to look after 2 very young toddlers/preschoolers on my own with all these complications.

And on days like today I can't help but think if I was a bloke suffering with pain and incontinence and erectile dysfunction there's no way I'd be left on this slow conveyor belt of shit treatment. There's no way he'd have to turn up every 3 months and get his knob out in front of a different person and suffer a painful and embarrassing examination, and then wait another 2 months for a consultant to tell him what he already knew and then book him in for another test in 3 months time.

And there's no fucking way that if men had to give birth out of their penises which became scarred, broken and damaged that natural childbirth and instrumental delivery would still be the expectation of today.

ThisThingCalledLife - I took my family planning on advice from a specialist so I wont apologise for it, nor feel guilty about it.

Yanbu to be angry. I am angry for you. I think this is part of the reason for the focus on vaginal deliveries on the NHS. A CS goes wrong and the NHS pays the price. Vaginal deliveries go wrong and women pay the price, privately, in terms of the impact on their lives. Bloody disgraceful.

No advice as I've never been through it but I've often thought that labour related problems are brushed under the carpet. I'm sorry you are having to go through all this.

Recurrence utis here too, maria. Don't get me started on the lack of knowledge surrounding this, and the use of short term, wholly inadequate antibiotic regimes to treat them. They had a doctor talking about this on women's hour the other day and I broke down as it's so rare to hear a medic with understanding and sympathy for this condition. He thinks the standard of care is negligible.

Have you tried staying on a prophylactic dose of antibiotics (low dose everyday)? Only thing that works for me.

Weird thread. Blaming people for having children and throwing obesity in there too . I blame the migrants myself.

Try taking your husband to your next appointment, and let him explain how your health issues are affecting his sex life, and see if that changes anything.

Also just to add DD has had recurrent UTIs and subsequent kidney damage. She's only 10 so not birth related. But she is on a prophylactic dose of antibiotics for a year plus D Mannose supplement. Recommended by her consultant. Worth looking into?

Ocelot
I saw my GP in August and have been referred for blader and bowel prolapse. My vaginal wall has weakened due to a full hysterectomy. I've been told the waiting list to be seen is a year.
Then there will be the wait for an op, it took 9 months for my hysterectomy and that was only sped up by the fact I had my inital consultation privately.
I can't poo and can't stop peeing.
It's just ridiculous.

Fauxgina, yes I was. I burst into (very angry) tears. The young ish male consultant then just looked very embarrassed

I then asked if he would ever say to a 30 yr old man that he just needed to accept that his own sexual satisfaction was at an end. He looked even more embarrassed

Ohh Ocelot, I'm so sorry he said it to you but I'm so glad he did. I bet he didn't spout that kind of crap any more after you said that!

Backingvocals, interesting point.

CoCo- can you afford another private consultation? Ridiculous waiting list

I really feel for all of you, I can't believe you haven't been able to get the treatment you need. It is quite shocking.
My own experience of much much milder women's issues has frustrated me no end,so I can't imagine how you feel. Despite visiting the GP more times than I am comfortable with nothing has been done to help me address my clear hormone imbalance problems, severe cystic acne, constant bleeding etc, claiming I am 'too young' and 'it's not that bad' but anything that impacts on your daily life and your self esteem should be addressed. The NHS is really finding staffing very difficult I believe so more people than ever are waiting to see much fewer people. It's not sustainable. If I had the money I too would go privately for consultations but you shouldn't have to sell everything to do that!

I hope you can get further - also agree with not hiding your emotions

You are about as far from being unreasonable as it's possible to be and I'm so, so sorry that you're having to live with this.

I am raging for you all.

I might see if my finances can stretch to one after Christmas.
I'm going back to my GP to check I have definitely been referred, and to see if my bladder medication can be upped or changed.
for you all.

You shouldn't need to keep chasing to get the treatment you need but it is worth speaking to the consultant's secretary to make clear you would be happy to accept a short notice cancellation (if you can possibly make this work). At this time of year there will be cancellations due to winter bugs.

I think its outrageous the way you have been treated Fauxgina. Wish I could help somehow

OP, you have the legal right to treatment within 18 weeks of referral.
www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/appointment-booking/Pages/nhs-waiting-times.aspx#maximum

I complained to my CCG when this did not happen for my son and a date was provided quickly. Good luck.

YANBU.
My consultant cant afford to give me the treatment I need for my disability. The NHS is being run down to privatise it. Its disgusting, and the people who support it should be ashamed of themselves.

They got around the 18 weeks with my hysterectomy by giving me my pre op assessment by 18 weeks. I still had to wait weeks for the actual op.

A pre-operative assessment is not a way around the rules. The date of the operation ends the waiting time. If they told you that about the pre-op assessment, then they lied.

It's idiotic to say that you are being let down because you are a woman and that the system is stacked against women. It sounds like you are looking for someone to blame and perhaps there is, but it's the fact that the NHS as a whole is underfunded that is the cause.

You may as well say that it's the fault of "all those fucking foreigners coming over here and using up the resources". You are blaming the wrong people.

Anyway, women live longer than men, women report illnesses more than men, women have a better survival rate for most diseases. Hardly sounds like it's stacked against us, does it!

Unfortunately men do get stuck on an "endless conveyer belt" etc. It's not a gender thing, it's underfunding.

Be grateful that you have been able to have children, you are luckier than some people no matter how shit the situation is now.

What a crass and insensitive post, WFH. Things too quiet for you on the Goady Fucker (MRA) talkboards this afternoon?

Just to make it clear to a couple of posters - I'm grateful for my children, I'm pleased to be alive and also thankful that I can also have numb yet painful sex.

I can still be all those things and very much cross that my internal organs fall into my knickers every day.

My doc is very clear that she thinks it's inhumane that women are left to suffer with these conditions when they can be treated and most successfully.

ODFOD WLF. Come back when you can show some compassion and sisterly solidarity! Your comments were really unkind and out of order

Am reading this shocked at the utter inadequacy of the system here. Am I the only one who half wishes that a certain 'news'paper would pick up on this instead of their usual irrelevancies and run a proper campaign that might actually do some good?

(Although I really don't want anyone's privacy compromised in the process.)