No one cares about my vagina

[Fauxgina]

I have had a bad pelvic organ prolapse since the birth of my son nearly 4 years ago. I was relatively symptom free at the time and I was told to finish having my family and when I had stopped having babies I could get fixed up. I went on to have one more child.

My symptoms have been getting worse -

chronic pain needing daily painkillers
faecal incontinence
pain during sex and after orgasm
lack of sensation during sex
cervical irritation and spotting
needing to pee 10 times a day
difficulty walking on occasion
and more.

My youngest is 2 and he will be my last.

Women's health in the NHS is so chronically underfunded that so far I've been waiting 18 months and I am being told to wait at least 6 more before we can schedule an operation in.

I am mad as hell.

I'm cross about the lack of treatment I've received so far. I'm angry I have to wait months in between invasive and horrible tests. I'm mad I have to chase appointments. I'm mad that no one really cares that I am a young 30 year old woman whose life is in limbo and I have to continue to look after 2 very young toddlers/preschoolers on my own with all these complications.

And on days like today I can't help but think if I was a bloke suffering with pain and incontinence and erectile dysfunction there's no way I'd be left on this slow conveyor belt of shit treatment. There's no way he'd have to turn up every 3 months and get his knob out in front of a different person and suffer a painful and embarrassing examination, and then wait another 2 months for a consultant to tell him what he already knew and then book him in for another test in 3 months time.

And there's no fucking way that if men had to give birth out of their penises which became scarred, broken and damaged that natural childbirth and instrumental delivery would still be the expectation of today.

Thanks to all you beautiful vipers - I feel less alone

As is typical anger from this morning has descended into sadness again. I feel like I've wasted what should be the best years of my life having my 2 young babies at home with me. I'm incapable of looking after them as well as they deserve.

I have a GP appointment booked for tomorrow, I will let you know how it goes. I'm starting the process of making a formal complaint, via a solicitors or PALs I'm not sure yet which is better. I'll definitely take Shalli's advice on board.

I'm going to ask GP to refer me to a private specialist. One consultation costs £250 and if I need surgery it will be between £5000-£10000 so I will sell any jewellery and take out a loan if I have to.

You're so right Optimist I've been using clinical language but fuck it from now on I am going to be far more emotive and descriptive in my language. I've previously suffered with depression and I will definitely explain how this is becoming problematic again.

Just horrible reading how many others on here are effected and how shit waiting times are for everyone . I think the way things are going the expectation will be that we should all have private health insurance in 10 years time.

If you're already on a waiting list, it's worth phoning and asking if there's been any cancellations.

No advice sadly, but I feel your pain. Literally at times. I am in the same boat pretty much. Doctors don't care, wont even refer me to people who can help. Reckon its not 'bad enough' to need correcting even though I struggle to poo, have to do something I am told the proper word is 'splinting', and am often in a lot of pain. I barely have a sex life as I feel disgusting. And no, its not serious enough for help. Fuck that.

Aww Monkey, that's so sad, if only I could win the flaming lottery, I'd pay for you both, to be mended. ☹️

OP, I feel sad and angry for you in equal measures. Unless there's been negligence I don't see the point getting a solicitor to complain. NHS statistics don't differentiate between who complains, a complaint goes down regardless. I think describing what's happened to you in your own words will be much more powerful.
I used the FOI against my local NHS trust in relation to one of my children who had waited 2 years to be seen by a LHA speech therapist (he was later diagnosed with Aspergers) and it worked a treat.
Worth trying a private consulation to bump yourself up the NHS list. Don't spend the money if you don't have to. But it sounds like you may need vaginal as well as colorectal surgery which will increase the cost although will be done at same time. This was the plan for me - but then the gynae decided that prolapse wasn't bad enough and I think he was right, it doesn't give me any bother and until he pointed it out I hadn't noticed it. So I just had the colorectal surgery.
I am shocked that PPs are saying their GPs won't refer them. I got referred without any problem at all (the only mistake was GP assumed it was a gynae problem when it wasn't). Were these female GPs? All I can suggest is to go back and insist or, if it's affordable, self refer privately (just for the consultation).
My tests took months. I had first consultation in November and waited until march for some of the tests, then finally had surgery in the June. There were lots of different tests I had to have to assess the damage higher up.
Good luck, I really hope you can make progress.

"I feel disgusting" - I hear that.

I'm having a panic at the thought of being examined one more time. The last 18 months have taken every ounce of reasonableness from me. Good luck with your six numbers sugar thank you.

ShallI, glad it was just colorectal. They've spent 18 months establishing it's not for me, just vaginal.

Vaginal prolapse surgery at a top London hospital will be in the region of 7-10k with some clinics outside london doing it for 3-5k. If you have the money, you could pay for it?

I have an appointment to see a GP tomorrow about this exact problem.

I will probably cancel now ...!

If you see a consultant privately who also works within the NHS you can ask that's your NHS funding be transferred to their operating base for treatment. That way, you get seen for £250 and are then in their NHS gang.

I did this for orthopaedic stuff that was not in the usual line of my local area, and it worked out very well. Heard about it from a friend who did similar to get better treatment for her kid than the locals could do. You see the consultant in Harely street or wherever, then they write to the GP and you request a transfer of funds. They are more willing to transfer funds if you can give good reasons why the local area isn't able to treat you so well.

So sorry you're going through this. I had 15 years undiagnosed fobbed off joint problems, and it is utterly demoralising and debilitating.

I know the advice to fight your corner is well intended, but I do think it's easy to forget that a person battling serious illness and pain is not always able to muster those resources.

Is there anyone you can enlist to help out? I was lucky to have a friend's dad who knew some people, who did all the finding out for me about who to see privately and got it down to a list of two for me. It helped enormously.

Oh no Winnie! It'll be ok, no point in hiding from it, it wont go away.

Hope you still go today, have a big glass of wine tonight as a reward

How did you get on Winnie? Did you go in the end?

I have a bladder prolapse following the birth of my DD 7 years ago. I also developed PTSD from my horrific birth experience and I believe assault, and resulting hysterectomy aged 22. I fought for 5 years to be seen 18 months for them to try everything else and finally agreed I need 'urgent' surgery 6 months ago. I'm still waiting for a date! I despair for the NHS I really do, and I can only see it's getting worse. If I had the money I'd go private in a heartbeat. I'm going to follow shallI wonderful post. Good luck everyone x

Reading this thread with interest, as had my first appt with the physio this morning. I really hope you get seen and taken seriously soon OP, sounds awful.

Winnie I hope you went, as I've been lucky and have found the experience really good in my area from my GP examining me to getting the appt was only 3wks.

I have urinary incontinence and a prolapse (also get the poo trying to escape through wrong passage thing) and have been advised to strengthen pelvic floor and poo with my knees up on a stool. She advised holding off surgery as long as I can, as I would most likely need a second surgery later in life which is less successful. Both sis and mum suffer too, she said it was probably heriditary as I'm hypermobile so have loser joints and muscles, (though a long second stage with my 9lb, big headed DS didn't help things).

Thisthingcalledlife what a horrible unsupportive thing to say. If you read the op you will see she was advised to finished having her family before she got fixed up.

How about me - should I not have gone on to have another child because the first one went ok on my body and left me with mild pelvic floor problems but the second one completely wrecked it. No one can predict what will happen in the future and what will be available on the nhs - should that stop people living their lives?

Continence issues are a massive taboo issue and cause a complete loss of dignity when you have to seek treatment for them. Have you experienced them because if you haven't I don't think you are in any position to judge and derail what was a supportive thread with such a horrible comment. There are days when if someone had made a comment like that to me it would have been enough to tip me over the edge.

OP I completely understand where you are. I'm a year post birth doubly incontinent and haven't seen the women's health physio since August when I have been diagnosed with severe pelvic floor dysfunction that needs to trial physio. My appointment was cancelled by the hospital this week to be rescheduled after christmas. Luckily i've just gone back to work so now can afford to see a private physio which after one appointment did more for me than 4 appointments over 12 months with the nhs. Still waiting for investigations to see if bowel incontinence is caused by nerve damage from forceps or a missed third degree tear... hoping one day I might be able to have more bowel control, i'd take living with urinary incontinence if they could just sort the bowel stuff out.

ThisThing you must be a very considerate and compassionate person.
Did you read OP's description of the situation? She was promised an intervention and help after she was finished having children. What other options did she have? This is about the responsibility of the NHS.
If you get a flu, will you blame it on going shoppingor taking public transport when you knew there will be sick people around and expect shitty treatment?
When your child breaks an arm while playing will you blame them for not being careful enough and accept that the NHS will send your child home with a twig and a rope to fix their arm because they don't deserve any better as the accident was their fault?
I assume yes, you will. At the end, it'sall about the responsibility.

Isthatalrightthen awful horrible comment that has nothing to do with he OP's post and is aimed at making her feel bad. What happened to people supporting each other. I know AIBU is feisty but that is just down right nasty.

YADNBU! The NHS is utterly shite when it comes to gynae services. It's appalling as so many "women's issues" can have have a huge impact on your life. It's an area that feels totally neglected

I would definitely recommend forking out for a private consultation, as a pp has said they may be able to refer you via the NHS.

isthatalrightthen, may I just gently suggest that a post mentioning an anecdotal story from Take a Break or Woman's Own will not really resolve OP's issues? Somehow I can't imagine her squeaking with delight and saying sod the pain, the incontinence and the bleeding, at least I can still shag around!

This thread seems to have gone slightly off course since I saw it last night...

OP I also have prolapse issues (cystocele and rectocele)- the pain when walking, peeing very often, frequent UTIs (currently being investigated to see if any link to prolapse), pain during sex, and just pelvic pain for no reason... fortunately no continence issues for which I'm grateful after reading horror stories on here.

I've had it for years - in my case without having had children!!! I was advised that in some (infrequent) cases prolapse can occur due to collagen deficiency also associated with e.g. Hypermobility. Basically I am too stretchy, and so are my ligaments.

As others above I have been advised to
a) wait until after I finish (or in my case, start) having children, and
B) delay surgery as long as possible since it likely wouldn't last my whole lifetime and need repeating.

But on bad days when it is painful, and I have bowel issues with rectocele, I am frankly fed up. The thought of having children and this getting even worse before even attempting a fix is daunting.

Amen sister! I had some complications after DS' difficult birth (became unable to orgasm) and it is amazing how little help there was because I was female. I was even told that I should just ' accept that this can happen after childbirth and enjoy pleasing my husband'

ocelot Were you actually told that?!

Meanwhils the NHS spends billions on the problems caused by obesity... Problems that are totally self inflicted.

Next time you go to hospital with something serious and are getting the run about, count the number of overweight people and ponder if they would not be in hospital if they weren't obese? And would the waiting list be so long if doctors were not dealing with the self inflicted problems of diabetes and oveweight?