Just found out my cousin died. Via Facebook.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Abu to think.people should bloody wait until family and close friends have been told before posting loads of messages? She lived in a different country so there is a time difference. Another cousin had phoned my mum as soon as was sensible (7am) and she was just about to phone me.

Wtf is wrong with people?!

I found out that my brother died via Facebook. I was gutted to find out like that. YANBU

It depends who put it there. Friends of mine put a brief FB message to announce the death of a child, because that's all they had the energy to do, and couldn't face calling various people and having to comfort them etc. It was their choice, and therefore completely appropriate. I think they had too much grief to deal with to bother making a list of people to tell in order of importance, who cares.

Some people only have close friends and family on FB so put things without thinking, because they need the support but want to leave the choice to others to react or not. They might not realise that other family members did not know the news yet.

Sorry about your loss OP, it really might not be a malicious thing at all.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP

I guess it makes it worse hearing this way but it would have been a shock however you heard?

Perhaps I prefer impersonal as it gives you some processing time before you have to respond? A phone call can be hard too.

so sorry. whoever did this really REALLY did not think it though did they. RIP x

I think there should be some sort of think before you post campaign sad stories in this thread just over a few posts so I imagine it goes on all over. When my cousins child died from suicide there was an out pouring of grief their friends all shocked and heartbroken the news was shared all over but the mother and family have feelings too and they had a right not to see it plasterd all over facebook i think.

Goodness, so many people on just this thread affected in this way. It's such a jolt to the guts, on top of the grief you might normally feel.
DH found out about the loss of a friend this way (hadn't even realised she was ill) and that was shocking enough.

My DD was at school with a young lad who was very upsettingly killed in an accident a few weeks ago. He was very popular, and within half an hour there were posts all over his FB wall, with zero thought that did his parents even know. It was shocking, and even my DD was upset saying it wasn't right. His funeral was a massive occasion in our local town, and even worse was the fact that all the kids that attended posted photos of his coffin going into the ground. There just isn't any boundaries sadly with social media. I'm really sorry for your loss OP .

Too damn right. I recently found out my Uncle had died via Facebook. My cousin had posted his 'eulogy' to his Dad, before anyone had told my Mum (his older sister). Fortunately I was able to get my bros. to go and tell her gently before she saw it on Facebook. The only excuse is that they live on the far side of the world, so there are major time differences. But my Mum and my Uncle were pretty close.

I just can't believe how crass (and selfish) some people can be.

I find it often develops into competitive grief hmm and people posting tributes that are more about themselves that the deceased

Competitive grief. So true.

I announced my mums death on FB. I had got home after standing in her hospice room watching one of the most traumatic things I have seen in my life so far. I had been on my own.

Judge me all you like, but I did it not to get attention but so I only had to say it once.

My cousin had posted his 'eulogy' to his Dad

It was his own dad, of course he can do write and post anything he wishes! Everybody deals with grief differently, you cannot resent him for that. It would be totally different if it was a neighbour, or someone you barely know.

Tippytappytoes

No one should judge you, and others have done similar for the same reasons.

I think if its your own mam,dad or siblings i think thats ok to post to FB.But its usually people not even close to the people that died,that break their neck to post it.Its all oneupmanship.

tippy. I'm so sorry you experienced that, and in your situation, it's completely different. Of course you can choose to let people know so you don't have to make agonising call after call. My point is that my friend didn't even know her son had died (it happened locally on a Saturday night while she was asleep). To be honest, there was no 'OK' way for her to have found out, but the panic and confusion the messages created added to her distress.

So many awful stories on here. I can'even imagine what you have all been through. My heart goes out to you all.

My husband found out his sister died via facebook. We are on the other side of the world but would have preferred being woken by a call in the night rather than finding out that way.

Yes, I think it's appalling. My DH found out his uncle had died on FB. When my Dad died we asked that it be kept off FB until we had telephoned everyone in his address book, but people still put it on there.

When there's been a death, people should respect the wishes of the closest family members and follow their lead.

And also, sadface emojis are in very poor taste when someone is bereaved.

My FIL died suddenly just last Thursday and I have a teenage daughter studying in China. I had to wait up until 5am (8 hr time difference) so I could contact her in case she saw it on FB first. I would have hated for her to have found out that way, so I do sympathise.

My much younger siblings are pretty much addicted to Facebook but they all restrained from posting about our Dad's death on FB until we were sure that everyone who needed to know had been told in person ... about 3 or 4 days iirc. If we could manage this as a family, I have no idea why others can't.

I think you should comment when you find out this way ... to make the stupid person who posted actually stop and THINK.

bibbity. Absolutely agree. It's shit. My friend posted "I don't understand? Are you talking about (DS's name)?" and they all went quiet. I was personally fuming on her behalf and her brother did post calling them out on it. Didn't stop it, unfortunately. I rarely use FB but stories like this just make me want to close my account for good.

tippytappytoes nobody is judging you here this was your news to share on your facebook

So sorry for your loss and how you found out OP. It's not nice and must have been an awful shock to you.

Some people are so thoughtless when it comes to what they share on Facebook. I found out two things I really should have been told in person via Facebook and it's horrible. It knocks you for six and makes you so angry

I found out that my friend committed suicide aged 18 because someone invited me to a group called "RIP (friend!!)".

It is awful. I'm sorry.

Many of our family friends (spread across the world) found out that my mum had died via Facebook because she and my dad hadn't wanted to tell anyone she was ill. Once she'd died, he was unsurprisingly even less keen to converse.Given I didn't know all their friends and don't even share a language with half of them, FB seemed the least harmful way for them to be informed.

It is still not a nice way to find out though. I'm sorry your cousin has died op